Living moment

Sunset in Arizona, Sept '08
Photo by James Williams

Who would understand what a heart feels? Who would see besides you? Who would care?

Everyone would just say: “Oh, it's as it has always been!”

And they are million times right and million times wrong.

No life could ever be lived as mine. No life can ever be lived as yours. No one knows what our lives could be than lived together.

And what it all comes down to is the chance – if this or that way. Being unable to control life I'm scared, weak and overwhelmed.

I feel the energy of a power stronger than me, hard to describe, throwing me from one opposite to the other, making my head hurt, my heart beat, making you suddenly so meaningful and special. And leaving me so weak, so vulnerable...

I still open my heart. Stubbornly, smilingly, with a confidence hard to describe, with some kind of power that comes from an internal freedom to be a true human. So dependent on my environment and yet so independent, so free and unpredictable in my ways.

I don't want to live on the other side of the safe barrier, not feeling, not ever knowing what is true love, a true hurt and a true pain. Life.

Exciting. Vibrating. Warm.

A living thing.

Only way to experience it is to be opened for whatever it is giving you. Flowing with it. Knowing that it brings along all the opposites – and that it's part of how the story goes. Accepting my fear and yet keep going.

I rather feel the energy, let it all in and let it flow, would it be then a comfortable feeling or an uncomfortable one.

Letting go of the control is the hardest thing I'm learning these days and it makes me fully realize how much our happiness lies in the community around us. We are unable to carry ourselves, we get tired, bittered, empty. As much as we need to carry others we also need to be carried.

Together with my tough lessons comes an unending gratitude for the people around me, I hope all these people know how special they make my life. Those people who keep giving me their energy and warmness - and keep accepting what I have to give - make my days full of meaning. My friends, my family, random act of kindness, a smile, a sincere word. Strangers. Beloved ones. Coming and going in the right times.

They inspire me to go so much further, to reach others who still haven't been touched and to be able to start seeing behind the horizon.

--

And I really want to thank all the dear people who over flooded me with positive energy a few days ago at my birthday. I didn't even celebrate it, but the whole day was a celebration of friendship and beautiful moments. Dear good people, you are REALLY GOOD, it comes back to you:)

Today - yesterdays echoes and visions of tomorrow

Most of the relationships tell me about who I used to be. If I listen too long I forget who I am and who I could become.

I'd love to stay around to reassure you about myself, but I wouldn't have time then to move on. I wouldn't know where to go.

And I think you like me better when I do change for better, bit by bit.

So forgive my impatience sometimes and my seeming ignorance about my own mistakes, if you believe - it will all pass.

Seeing each other

It used to be hard for me to tell my story, because it seemed to be too special. Didn't fit in the social context I was in – a young mother in a large student organization, surrounded by single, successful and ambitious young people.

Now I've realized – I'm not special at all. Everyone has an amazing story to tell. About growing up, learning your lessons, becoming a real human being, failing and standing up, hurting and healing. It's all there in the stories around me.

I'm just like everyone else, even if the events are different. I don't have anything more beautiful or ugly inside than anyone else I know. Everyone has their story and their lessons, they are coming from their background and have felt exactly the same emotions as I have – excitement, loneliness, hurt, joy.

The only thing is that usually it goes unnoticed. Many people seem to be the same, things seem to repeat themselves.

I don't think it's because people are the same and generally boring. I think it's because we don't have enough space to show who we are - in families, schools, companies. We don't have enough space to be who we are and share things that matter to us the most.

Life is too much of a hurry – we're going from a place to another and person to another without ever seeing, ever listening. We hear to generate an answer, not to understand. We see what we want to see, not what is there in this very moment.

We don't see each other.

If only we would take time to see.

Do you know what it means to see other person? Fully, without any judgments, without thinking you know, without being impressed by the titles, past experiences or on contrary – blinded by the failures, bad family or anything else? Just see, take things as they are.

I don't exist for you before you see me. And how you see me is what I become for you. Funny, isn't it? It's not who I am, but how you see me.

So if you would next time just turn off the voices inside of your head, open your mind, observe what is there and let it in – how would I seem then? How would you feel when you would be seen?

How much of a freedom that could give! What clarity! What creativity and ease!

Everyone has an amazing story to tell. Just see.

Ask and you'll find the answer

Last week I got back from a summer camp in Switzerland, which was about change management and decision making. Amazed, once again! Simply said - I'm in love with learning and awed by the people who open windows and doors for me. Need to move on, constantly, and I know no better way to do it than through books and people (followed by some practice:)

Every step out of my usual path expands what I know about the world and how I see myself in the connection with everything else. When thinking about the impact different people have had on my development it's almost scary to imagine what would I be when I would have chose to stay still and not to explore. The best advice for myself is to constantly go out there, world is a wonderful place and the discoveries never cease.

A few lessons from the land of cheese, banks, mountains and cows to write in my "Golden ideas book" once I create it (should do it soon:):

1. Ask questions. I will never know if I won't ask. My curiosity with a little bit of bravery to speak my thoughts can open treasure boxes. And quite often - the most simple and obvious question is the best one, complicated ones only bring general answers and don't really serve the goal to show me sophisticated and smart.

2. Keep your mind Open. It's easy to slip in the trap of "I know it all". Yet the difference between those with open mind and the rest is visible - some people just keep repeating what they already know and miss out the new emerging knowledge, others look curious and interested even at old age and keep bringing innovation. There's nothing more static when the absence of questions and questions come once you look without judgments.

3. Listen. During a visit to a monastery one lady asked from a Benedictine monk what would be his advice to the world if he could give only one. He replied: "Listen." When I was sharing my story about some questions I had when running AIESEC Estonia, again I got a golden advice from one amazing consultant: "Listen." Easy, isn't it?

4. Find your core. Ask questions from yourself, meditate, take time to think, explore - keep looking to find your core, because this is what you can build a successful life on. For one successful businessman the core was one word - recognition. For his wife - children. Whatever it is - take time to find it out. And then be true to it.

5. Start going. Sometimes you already know enough, the best next step is to start doing it. No worry if you are not able to see the whole path to your vision, things change anyway. To know your dream and immediate next steps can often be quite enough to get going.

6. I have time. This is an idea I picked up from someone, who told me how he discovered the meaning of the law of attraction - what you tell yourself becomes the truth as you attract real events to you by your thoughts. What about having time? So - I have time, indeed :)

Photos made by a summer camp participant Martine Morel

Stop thinking. Let it go to let it come.

Turns out I have two sides of brain and moreover – they don’t necessarily get along too well. From time to time they keep contradicting with each other and guess what – the result can be indecisiveness, hesitation and even unhappiness. This is a story of a right-brainer who has been trained to become a left-brainer and is now relearning to get connected with her intuition again.

The left side keeps telling me what is the right thing to do. It has been diligently learning the rules and has soaked me into habit of doing so. The left side of my brain keeps reminding me that the world is a logical place to live in and everything can be rationally analyzed, from relationships to creative writing. Left side of my brain learns by observing and analyzing the collected data. And I can assure you it doesn’t make decisions before making sure that all the facts are double checked.

The other side of my brain – the right one – flows. It doesn’t know why I do things, but it just feels right and doesn’t need any explanation. It enjoys the process and is convinced that everything that happens is a good thing to happen. In a right time, in a right way. The right side of my brain doesn’t worry if the way I act, look or think is correct and if the result is good, it just knows it is.

The right side of my brain was especially active until I entered high school. There I learned that for example writing has rules and that to create a meaningful text it needs to have introduction, subject expansion and conclusion. Flowing wasn’t enough anymore. I learned that my intuition of knowing what to do can be analyzed to pieces and that I need to make decisions coming from pieces to the big picture, not vice versa. Knowing is just not enough, was what I learned, you need to know how you know.

When I entered into university it became strikingly clear that the only way of achieving success is to be absolutely clear about your thinking process. “This is how you do it!”, was the mantra I kept learning through correct ways of delivering what I do. The majority of the leadership books were more about methods and pre-described processes, than capturing the essence of WHY ON EARTH am I doing what I’m doing. What’s the essence? What is the big picture?

Knowing pieces is just not enough in the complex world we are living in (and with the knowledge doubling in every 10 years it just keeps getting more complex). There are less and less right answers, much is depending on the co-operation we are able to do with each other. As everything is so much interconnected community is becoming more important that individuals.

To where from this point? I’m learning to know when and how to quiet the left side of my brain, it can be the main hindrance in seeing the deeper knowledge. Switching off the thinking process, letting go of all the judgments, just sensing what is there. Trying to understand doesn’t work in many cases, the understanding comes once you stop worrying about it. Acting right comes naturally when you stop analyzing the reasons behind every option.

Let it go to let it come.

As a person whom I met in my crossroads in Switzerland told me: “Just relax. It will happen.”

Disguised truth

Today I heard a child screaming in the dormitory's corridor: „I don’t want, mommy, I don’t want!“ It continued for a few minutes, then faded away, I guess in the end the parent got her way.

For me it was heartbreaking. I’m just writing an article about relations between parents and teenagers and the most important thing I’ve picked up is simple – listen to each other.

Why is it so hard to hear a child? Just imagine yourself screaming: „I don’t want!“ and nobody caring why, instead just blaming you for complaining until you stop resisting.

As if parents have a weird anxiety that if they don’t force their children to behave according to certain standards their children will fail as acceptable citizens.

Anxiety confused with love. Doing what is best for you, never thinking why. Following standards even if you don’t like it, but because you started to believe at some point of time that this is how it must be.

What standards anyway? Those standards vary from family to family – if you should always take an umbrella with you when it’s raining, if using public transportation is good or bad, if you should eat everything on your plate, if going out without a bro is sluttish or not, if smiling without a reason is weird or a must-do. Those are not universal laws, they are merely actions that are not right or wrong, but vary from one culture, tradition, habit, belief etc to another. But as people are different, they should have the freedom to choose a way that suits most to their unique character.

Forcing those actions in the name of „universal and right“ creates an illusion that there are no truths. I guess there are not, if you never hear your gut feeling and have learned to ignore the tiny sensations that always give away if you are acting according to it or not.

For me truth is not an action, instead it's bunch of principles, repeating themselves in all the religions, philosophies, people authentic stories and lessons about life, thinkers discoveries, even some help-yourself handbooks. So it can have many faces, but the source is the same.

In this light it’s heartbreaking to see the effort that goes in teaching the right way instead of guiding how to find your way. I guess a child knows better what face does her truth have, unfortunately it gets lost quickly if you are not heard.

Imagine if you could just be natural and speak from the heart. What would you say? What would you do?

I must create some chaos

I’m afraid of the unknown. I have no guarantees, only dreams and aspirations. I have my broken self image, that gets fixed during the journey, but who knows which parts I haven’t noticed? And sometimes even when I try, I’m unable to find my cure.

Yet the unknown is here every day. No one has walked this path. Or maybe has, but I don’t know this person. And I’m not sure if this person could help, as we are bound to be alone through our uniqueness.

Next day has so many choices. This moment does. It could be ordinary, but it’s not - it has a potential to be whatever. And having a choice makes me restless, makes me curious, in need to move on, expand, learn, grow, stretch. It makes me disappointed, weak, sad. And it makes me humble, small, connected, part of it, wise.

This very moment puts me in unknown. Am I up for it? Am I courageous enough to live this moment?

Or I just let it pass. Hide for it and deny it ever existed. Just ignore life with it’s full excitement, merely exist day by day, comfortably, discontent deeply buried somewhere.

I can do that. I am doing this, much too often. Why? Because I’m scared of unknown.

What would happen, if...? What WOULD happen?

Here I am, it has happened already, luckily often enough. I have my story, not a comfortable one.

I need to make it even more uncomfortable, more in unknown.

So I have a choice right now, with this moment. Ability to be scared of it fills me with so much gratitude.

---

An astonishing poem that inspired me today from Art of Hosting mailing list, written by a practicioner, Tenneson Woolf Grandma, who died this April. "She was a feminist, a visionary, a gifted leader, a tough warrior, a beautiful midwife."

I MUST

grow and I must stretch and

feel the unrest and discontent

with my own circumstances

no matter

how comfortable I have made them

the need to grow begins to haunt me

when I grow too comfortable

I cannot explain it

nobody taught me how to explain it

there are no words

just the constant ache to expand a little

and feeling that need

like a tooth that needs fixing

and needing also some place in which to do it

and there being no arena for me, woman

child

and man too sometimes man – humanity

and there being none

for my need and

the awful ignorance of how to fill it

and I must fulfill

this need somehow

from my not knowing any other way

I consciously and unconsciously must

CREATE SOME CHAOS

Hold on to your illusions

I'm reading currently an amazing book from Robert Cialdini called "Influence". It reveals simple and yet effective techniques how most of the people are influenced every day. One experiment that showed how our self image is influencing our actions (and how it can be used to get your way) made me rethink the importance of the mental pictures we have about ourselves and others.

The experiment was conducted among some home-owners in California, who were asked if they could display a 8 cm diameter sign saying: "Be a safe driver". Majority of the home owners agreed to fulfill the small request, which also showed them as responsible citizens. However a few weeks later different volunteers asked the same home owners to install in their front lawns a very large billboard stating: "Drive carefully". Amazing 76% of the homeowners agreed in contradiction of 83% of homeowners in the same neighborhood who refused, but were not asked 2 weeks earlier to display the small sign.

Displaying the small sign had changed the self image the homeowners had about themselves - they now considered themselves as responsible citizens who acted to serve the common good. This image of themselves made them compliant also to a much bigger request that came later.

We act according to what we believe we are.

The same principle is found from Martin Seligman book "Authentic happiness", which he calls "Hold on to your illusions!" One survey revealed that the bigger the discrepancy and inconsistency between what you think of your partners strengths and what your mutual friends think of him/her the happier the relationship. So if you friends find your guy quite an average Joe and you consider him as a delightful mixture of Brad Pitt and Dalai Lama - you are right! Apparently your partner actually starts to change towards the direction you believe him/her to be.

We all have a natural need to act consistently with what we believe about ourselves and others to be.

Knowing this doesn't it make so much sense to review your beliefs about yourself and people around you? If our self image makes us who we are, then what is this picture we have right now? And what would we want it to be?

What you think of others is what they become. What you think of yourself is what you become.

Too young to think with your own head?

When is it too late to start practicing?

Just came from the kindergarten from a development talks. Parents are asked to come to the kindergarten once a year to talk about their children development.

So what would you expect this interview to focus on? The uniqueness of your child, how to help this unique creature in co-operation with kindergarten and parent to become a healthier and stronger person? Well, almost.

The real focus was the child weaknesses. Discussing what influence that approach has on the person self-esteem is a separate topic, what I wanted to discuss here was how the teachers are dealing with problems and how this can influence the latter pro-activity of the child.

The punishment commonly used in the kindergartens for misbehavior is to put children sitting in the "bad-child-chair" (or to separate him/her in some other way from others) and to repeat that until child quits the bad action. So the solution to deal with problems is to tell what is the correct way, then punish the ones who don't obey and praise the ones who do.

The problem with this approach is not only that it might be unfair (in case of many children you always don't see what is behind the fight and punish the wrong child), but it also places the responsibility on the teacher. Child doesn't have any other role than to fit in the world of rules - and try to be clever enough not the get caught when not fitting in. When caught - try to be even more cleverer so that it wouldn't happen again. It doesn't really make him understand the reasons and develop solutions.

In the world which is getting more and more complicated and it's hard even for grown ups to judge what is right and what is wrong, you most probably don't want to develop people who are always expecting someone else to know the answer. People who have learned to live in frameworks and do what is the right thing to do aren't too successful in a changing environment. But let's face it - the world changes quicker than the journalists can keep up and in the future we can expect things we don't even know how to get ready.

We need people who can evaluate the situation, analyze the options, choose the next step and then take responsibility of making that step. Yes, this ability has to come with the sense of community and understanding of collective knowledge, but it starts from every person taking individual responsibility.

Without justifying any of the problems - I truly think children should be encouraged to take responsibility over their action. Very often they already know what is right and what is wrong and also sense the feelings of others very well. So why not to ask them what do they think is the best solution for the problem?

The teacher told me: "I think it's too early to ask him his opinion." She believes more in telling and controlling. Well, I don't think it's ever too early to start supporting the simple ability to evaluate the situation and take responsibility.

With all the respect for the teacher - when is the right time to ask child's opinion? Or - when is it too late to start asking?

Any wonder most of the organizations are built on strict command lines. Any wonder people often find it hard to make decisions and that companies are head-hunting for people who are able to do so. Any wonder people are often hoping that someone else is responsible and therefor sit back and wait, getting bittered in the hope that things get will improve, but still not quite seeing that.

I believe we all need to trust our ability to make decisions and help others to do the same.

So - instead of telling the answer - ask. Ask your child what does he think is the best solution. Ask your team-member, co-worker, your partner, your friend. Make sure you listen as well. And then keep accountable.

What are you doing this summer?

Thought I post today something practical - why talk about philosophical things only, when the main joy in life comes through practice (and through practice comes philosophy:).

So here's a chance - making an adventure this summer, going away from Estonia for 2-3 months to work in a new country.

The program is easy - you apply, get selected and get a chance to choose an internship from different Central- and Eastern-Europe countries.

You arrive to a new country and culture (CEE region is rich of cultures - from Turkey and Balkans to other side of Russia), create a new network of friends, get new professional experiences and once you arrive back - see a world in a whole new way.

5 reasons to go abroad this summer vs staying in Estonia:

1. It's an adventure - want to live an exciting life? Make exciting things, go out of your box even if scared in the beginning

2. Develop yourself - it's not so easy to start your life all over in a new country, so you don't have any other chance then to become a more confident, capable and aware person once your out of your comfort zone

3. Get friends - some of my best friends are from CEE region, they are different, I love it (I love my Estonian friends too, anyway it's good from time to time be overwhelmed by kissing-hugging-smiling-sharing-people from South part of the region)! World is small, it's good to know people

4. Discover a new culture - people do things differently "out there", they understand world in a whole new way than you, they challenge you with their values, approaches and explanation of how things work. Getting to know it makes you see Estonia differently and bring some innovation back here

5. Make a next step in your professional career - university over or about to end? What next? I guess some reflection time while discovering new working styles and spending time out of the influences "back home" helps you to figure this out

So here's the idea - grab your chance before you get settled in an internship in Estonia you hope will help you in the future. Or get settled with a permanent job or a family or anything else that would keep you permanently here without finding out what COULD have been. 2-3 months of investment of your time to something that can influence you a lifetime is worth considering.

What next? Start by contacting Alisa - alisa.logofatu@aiesec.net (if you are already AIESEC member - contact her or your local VPX anyway to ask about your next steps). This girl is more than glad to help you with practical information and get together with people who help you to find yourself after a few months in the middle of Europe, in the beginning of a remarkable adventure and personal learning experience!

Check out the video about the program (originally from Czech Republic - thank you, guys, for sharing it!), deadline for Estonians to apply is 15th of May.

Busy in being not busy

I’m busy. In pasts months I’ve been travelling a lot, planning, thinking about my future, meeting people, designing processes, conferences, seminars, reading new books, visiting Local Committees, conversations, strategic meetings, taking time for Maru, catching up with my university, spending time with my team, hosting guests. It has been quite a journey.

I love it. Why? Because it makes sense. I’ve been busy doing the things I love and trying to reduce the things I’m not necessarily good at to minimum. And what I love is sometimes to say no to any obligation I have, just to sit back, relax, read a book, meet a friend, take a hot bath. I’m equally busy in learning to be not busy, which is an surprisingly challenging thing to do when 1) you are so used to run 2) everyone is expecting you to run 3) everyone else is running

What I’m saying is that being constantly busy makes you run. When you are running – you don’t have time to think. When you don’t think, you don’t see anymore where you are running.

Stop.

Take a moment to look around. Where are you going? What makes you busy? Where is your time going? What is your choice, what have you took randomly in your life because you didn’t have time to see the difference between important and non-important?

If you are too busy in being busy, you don’t have time for passion. You don’t understand anymore what is truly important. Everything becomes the same importance. You might run into an highly important and impactful event – and remain ignorant. Because you don’t have time to see the difference.

The less grounded the person is the more confusion he/she creates in the world. I see constantly how people run into me with their confusion, indecisvness. They are fighting for something without being convinced in themselevs that this is THEIR thing. They fight to fight, not because it’s important, but because making a stand is considered as a sign of strenght. Their opinions change, their causes change as the background – whatever it might be - changes. People without principles and goals create confusion.

So stop. What of this busyness is actually the confusion of other people? And what is the confusion of your own indecisiveness?

Being busy is not a bad thing. I love it...as long as I’m busy with something that really matters to me. For that I need to know first - what matters to me (easy:) and then – ignore the rest as much it’s possible. For sure it causes some negative opinions for the start as you are not meeting the expectations of the people who are used to that – but in the long run it makes it easier for everyone to communicte with you. And you are simply a more effective and happier person.

Be busy – but make sure you take enough time to know with WHAT and WHY.

Celebrating

Today take a moment to celebrate. I'm sure you have something. Don't worry if it's not perfect and could be improved. If you put it in your life context you realize quite quickly that nothing could be perfect or could - but would come with a cost of other vital areas and would anyway end up in total imperfectness in big picture.

So celebrate the things you have worked for with your heart or the good things that others have given you. Or something else that you know should not be taken for granted.

Just celebrate from time to time. That makes you recognize others for their efforts and creates an aura of positiveness around you. You get new energy for even greater deeds, you feel motivated by the good feeling coming from success and not the duty, you become more confident and understand yourself better. Your re simply more productive, happier and "last longer".

Learn to ignore the critics if it is trying to change the core of you. Don't try to develop your weaknesses, focus on your strengths and again - ignore if somebody finds that not suitable. Yet learn about different types of people, your key to perfection is in combining different types.

****

I am so glad for Annual Conference! For electing the MCP 08-09 and seeing all the people in the election process, their growth, inspiration and simple openness to be there and share, for meeting the people who inspired me a lot, my team who was there with all their attention and hard work, the vision of the conference that was so close of being realized as we imagined (with yet all the lessons we learned), for sleepless nights and work behind it that no-body knows, but that gives you so much inner satisfaction, for extreme fun we had and randomness, getting to know ourselves better, new members, next generation, passion for P-boxes, seeing the impact in people and again - passion for P-boxes and changes, development and fast moving forward.

Celebrating in my heart.

Destination happiness

I have recently discovered that I’m a very happy person. Most of the time I feel good or at least know what should I do to get out of my misery. Here I have listed some of the lessons I have learned and continue learning every day.

Take responsibility over your life. No one else can make you happy. If you don’t like something, change your attitude. Or change something in your life. Never place your happiness in other peoples hands, this is your only life.

Focus. Worrying about the next moment doesn’t help you much in the current. Use the ones you have. Don’t carry with you the burden of worries, make your mind sharp and focus on what is here and now. There is a way through, but to find it you need resources which stay hidden if you are not concentrated.

You are not perfect. This is nor an excuse nor a motivation. This is just a fact. Accept it. Accept every weakness you have, look right into the face of it, make it yours, feel comfortable with that. Your weaknesses are actually part of your strenghts.

Stay positive. No matter what. Enjoy the little things if big ones are broken, see the perspective if the moment is painful, look into yourself if others have lost their faith. You see what you want to see. And yes, stuff happens, get angry if needed, be emotional if you don’t see other way, but never about the person or life as such, it’s only the situation that you don’t like.

Love yourself, you are the best version of you. Only the ones who love themselves are capable of loving others. So not all people will like you, you will love them despite of that, they too are on their way.

Hidden deep message

So - what is the deep message of the following video? There definitely is...I'm sure...when we were making it it seemed that it's there:)

'

PS: LC Tartu, you made magic this year with the Pancake party! Thank you!

All you get are opportunities

My neighbors have a baby. I have never seen him, but I hear him quite often. When I’m already in my bed, enjoying the last moments of the day, I can hear him crying. When I wake up in the morning and eat my porridge I hear him again. Sometimes I also catch the voices of the parents, the rulers – or prisoners - of the little kingdom.

I can imagine the little room next door . It is filled with specific smell, a mixture of milk, diapers, urine, cream for baby's sensitive skin. In this room seems that even the toys, baby clothes and all the widgets to make the mothers life easier are part of the smell, because the reality is so packed and small that it’s hard to break it into smells, physical objects, feelings and state of minds.

When the mother goes out, she looks like a normal woman with her baby carriage. I’m quite sure she puts on her make up before going out (she is a young girl, a student), washes hair and maybe also irons her clothes. So the carriage looks more like an accessory while the girl wonders on the streets, shops and cafes.

But she’s not an ordinary woman. She is a mother who has a little baby. The fact that she is out with her baby carriage is only possible because the baby has sleeping time and wherever the woman has to go it can’t take too long and she is back at home – or a safe harbor where it’s possible to feed the child – before the child wakes up – or his demanding starts to annoy other people.

The life in the next door has a specific rhythm. Every now and then there are events that break the routine or actually add new elements to it - a new teeth, time to switch from breast milk to puree, first hair cut, suddenly the first words. And so the story goes till I don’t hear the crying anymore, which just means that life has moved on to new era, no worse or better than the previous one, but definitely with new routines and challenges.

The weird thing is that life in the next door is no different than the any other life we people are having. Life is made of small pieces – events, people, smells, moments of exhaustion and moments of happiness, sicknesses, headaches, fights, truce, aging, silence, noise. Life is as it is, it has it’s way, ups and downs. It goes and goes like a river, until it’s over.

So whatever is there – it’s nor good nor bad, but it’s life and it’s all you have. Life itself is wonderful enough to stay curious and grateful for everything it brings, not trying to control everything and gaining control by being flexible enough to go with the flow. There is no real reason to admire, to be jealous or to pity anyone else, as this is just how the story goes – all you get are opportunities, which sometimes might look like dead ends or just ordinary days in a row.

So I wouldn’t like to discuss if this or that event that happens to you in life is good or bad, but rather what you do with the events you have.

Only stories

A while now I haven’t directly written about AIESEC. I’m working as a president of this organization in Estonia, being involved full time and working daily with topics that I’m personally passionate about – individual development, discovering your strengths and finding your future career, problems in the society around us etc. Yet I’m discovering every day that I’m not working for AIESEC.

There is no such thing as AIESEC, it doesn’t exist in itself. It gets the meaning only through different stories, through people who are living their life in a dynamic and challenging way (is there any other way to your true self, at least in the beginning of your journey?) and giving the meaning to the organization by caring what is happening in the world and gaining deeper understanding about themselves.

It sounds easier than it really is.

When you start your journey you have no idea what you are connecting yourself with. There have been times when I’ve asked myself: „Why is this organization doing this to it’s members?” Once you start going it’s inevitable that you meet challenges, a lot of them. Staying awake in the night to cope with your responsibilities in AIESEC, finish your school works, reply all the e-mails and be able to face your sweetheart in the morning while trying to explain why you put so much effort in your work isn’t the hardest one. Yet this is something you can solve with learning time management.

The hardest part is to start facing yourself. Start realizing who you could be and seeing the gap between your dreams and reality. Facing the feeling of failure when you are not meeting your own expectations, which you soon don’t even know are your own or coming from other people.

AIESEC makes your life hard. You can’t stay in your box anymore. You move on or you give up. And as you move on you don't expect someone else to help you to reach wherever you want to go. It's about you, standing up, going on, learning and finding the meaning every day.

I believe living your dreams is not easy. No-one tells you how you can reach your dreams, there are no books written on the topic „10 steps for your personal success, Marjam Vaher!” (and the ones about Richard Branson, Nelson Mandela and Jack Welch are about Richard Branson, Nelson Mandela and Jack Welch, not you).

Starting to realize that reaching your dreams or even recognizing the right one is harder than dreaming itself makes you humble. How can you judge others when you know the work behind it?

So AIESEC is nothing more than a playground for people who are yearning to find out where the dream could lead. Challenged by the environment, expectations, responsibilities, people, tasks I feel I’m growing every day to become more connected with what I could be. Me and the rest of the 23 000 members.

So there is no AIESEC. Only stories.

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This is EuroCo facilitators dance video. Every time I hear this song I remember the moments I had during past 10 days in Lithuania. I have to smile every time and feel grateful for being able to experience such times, people, fun and happiness.

Time for questions

What is busy? Is busy a choice or an inevitability?

What makes you feel good? Are you working to feel good or hoping to find the key to your happiness by filling your days with activities?

Are we being perfectionists because we want to have a great result? When is great GREAT enough? Do people want to do great things because it makes them feel great or it makes others think they are great?

Are we afraid to feel good about ourselves because we are not perfect? Are we judging ourselves because we want to please other people? Can we be perfect? And if not – is continous forgiving an automatic ingredient of love? Should we ask forgiveness for not being perfect or should we wait for acceptance? Is judging the problem of the judger or the one being judged?

Why people don’t appreciate themselves? Why is it so hard to love the imperfect self? Can you love others before loving yourself? Is the criticism coming from hurt self-picture? Can you open the door outside before it’s being open inside?

Is the ability to ask right questions coming through doing wrong things? Can you seek for balance before being out of balance and touching the opposite border of perfect peace? Are hard experiences send to teach us the most important lessons we wouldn’t be able to learn through happy experiences?

Nothing is better than being in peace with yourself. Knowing you are not perfect and still love every day you have. Makes you appreciate others as they are, even if you not always agree with them. Makes you judge the situation, not the person. Makes it easy to forget and forgive, makes you want to contribute without wanting back, because in the end it’s still about you – feeling alive, connected, loved and happy about your life.

Inspired by failure

Having an opinion is not easy, right? There are many opinions in the world, having yours means you disagree with some. So the easy way is a) not to share yours 2) change your with the direction of wind 3) speak in such mild words that no one understand what you mean 4) not to have yours and go with the flow etc

We can and have to be able to change our opinions. We need to listen and we need to understand other point of views. But I think there are things we can’t make compromises and there are times when we have to make a point. Not because we want to create a conflict, but because the matter is too important to watch silently.

I think there are some universal principles in the world we should never make compromises about and trying to respond to external expectations is never going to work out. Good intentions are not good enough. Good intentions to make others happy create confusion in you, distract you from your inner path and actually make your story in this world quite irrelevant as it doesn’t go anywhere, just stays in the middle.

So yes, I have an opinion, which sometimes has made me feel as a lighting rod for negative energy, but is also a base of my inner satisfaction.

I think that complaining is a waste of time and complaining makes me bored. I think that arrogance is a highway to loneliness and I don’t want to spend too much time with people who are arrogant. I also think that arrogance can easily be mixed with fighting for a cause and that people who truly fight for something are bound to create conflicts around them.

I think that avoiding a conflict ends up in a mildness and mild people have lost contact with their true self. I believe that living up to your potential is not easy and that you need support to succeed. And I think that most of us are scared and lonely, but we are equally scared of losing our social status to talk about it (maybe only not when we’re drunk or also as referring to past experience).

I think that what distinguishes some from the others is the fact that some keep going even if they are scared and through that keep finding what they are looking for. Others put majority of their time on talking, complaining, excusing or are just occupied with irrelevant details to keep them busy that this makes them internally unhappy and not fully satisfied with their life.

There is so much around us that tries to make us give up. I have found out that the truly inspiring stories are not about success. They are usually about failure. They are about people who did a bad mistake, who insulted someone, who screwed up a big project, who didn’t manage with their tasks, who were beaten at school, who didn’t have any friends etc. They are usually inspiring because they are only told by extremely brave people, who have succeeded neither the less.

People who truly fail never speak, they hide.

People who CAN talk about their failure can do it just because they kept going though no one else thought they could, even more – that they should move on. And it’s inspiring exactly because it’s so human to fail, we all do it every day, we all have expectations we are unable to meet – or others have expectations we are not meeting. And as sharing your failures is not a common thing, we might think we are the only freaks.

But the fact is that we are not. And realizing that the only way to succeed is through a failure – just always standing up and moving on, a little bit wiser and more experienced – is giving the needed hope.

That’s why the real, authentic leaders are humble, they know the price. I believe that success and failure are so connected that you can't have one without the other.

Why I love writing?

Clean sheet.

I can freely fill it with all kind of thoughts I have. With thoughts that have nothing to do with my work, my to-do list, my daily hurries. I’m free to think and create freedom around me. Out of routine, to a different world that maybe will exist some day because I’m thinking about it now, maybe just stays as an inner conversation, maybe influences someone else. But it creates freedom around me, fresh air, new ideas.

I need new ideas as oxygen (my God, it sounds as such a cliche, but there couldn’t be any deeper meaning in it then there is for me), I can’t live in routine. I need to have emotions, colors, bravery, adventure. I need to have meaning in my life, I need to feel I’m alive.

Clean white paper has always been most inspiring for me. It contains so much potential, it hasn’t been influenced by any idea and it’s up to my fantasy what I do with it.

Answer to my grandmother

In past two years I've been traveling quite a lot, which has mainly been to different AIESEC conferences and international meetings. As I've also written before - going to an AIESEC conference is not the same as traveling to some specific country. Yes, the conference takes place in Egypt or Macedonia or Turkey as now, but during the conference you are dragged into a different world that is put together from different nations, set schedule, knowledge and ideas and you barely sense the culture and world outside of the plenary.

Before coming to Turkey my grandmother asked me in a concerned way (yes, she still thinks life outside of your known area is more dangerous than the one you have tried already): "Why are you going to all these conferences? What do you really get out of communicating with all these people?"

In a way the impact of my experiences from conferences might be hard to measure. The international network I have built might not last more than 5 years (if even so much) after AIESEC and I might not use it to the full potential for making business or something else concrete out of it. So if the size of my international network would be the only measure of my success coming from conferences (and I'm talking about personal gains, not organizational, which are obviously bigger) then it would be very hard to explain to my grandmother why am I actually investing so much time into conferences.

But as I've realized the network itself is not that important as the ability to build the network again in any given situation. Simple communication skills, art to talk to people and feel comfortable among different mindsets coming from various religions and cultures. You learn all of this also in your everyday work in AIESEC which is very much team based, but conference situation is the most intense and practical lesson to learn the art of networking.

During my stay in Turkey I won't update my personal blog, but will write regularly in our MC blog which can be found here