Finding meaning in it all - still, 30 years later

The days come and the days go. It feels that life is moving in some direction. Carrying me along to an unknown destination. I try to imagine that I somehow control the direction, but the truth is that I only control how I feel about it all - and even that with moderate success. 

The major events and breakthrough moments in my life have been lucky accidents - my kids, meeting the most important people in my life, the career direction, clients. I really quite honestly don't know where it's all going, I'm just curios to keep discovering.

When I think about it then everything seems to be one lucky accident...

A friend of mine says that he doesn't believe in accidents. To be really honest then I don't know if I believe in them or not, I just don't clearly sense anything yet.

But what I do believe is that I'm blessed just to be here. Just to be alive. Just to experience. And trust that this is what I need to learn in this life and that somehow it all makes sense in a big cosmic picture. That somehow, one day, I do understand and will be clapping for my younger self that made it through it all. Sometimes with a white flag in my hand and sometimes with roses in my hair. But I arrived, I grew, I learned and I somehow filled exactly the right spot in this Universe.

That thought makes me feel happy and all light inside.