Recently I've been just blown away by some of the statements from my 5-year-old companion. I've always been conscious about the values that children pick up from their parents while they grow up together, but what if he comes out with things you never thought you taught him?
In the end of the day children are separate individuals with their own world and belief system - and sometimes all we can do is just smile (or burst out laughing in some occasions) and wave...
PS: Mentioning chauvinist in the headline is - a joke! Just in case...
Story 1:
Showed the other day to Maru an advertisement in a magazine, where you could see around ten different people sitting and doing various business stuff.
"Maru, which one of these people you would choose as your kindergarten teacher?", I asked.
"Well, if there's no-one prettier then - this one would do," he replied, pointing to one of the prettiest girls on this page.
What????
Story 2:
We were preparing ourselves for the official alumni dinner here at AIESEC conference. I was getting dressed, putting on my make up.
"Mummy, I don't like it when people call you a woman."
"Why so?", I asked.
"I like MISS much more - people should call you Miss, it's beautiful!"
Hey, what's going on here??
Story 3:
Went to his new kindergarten and the manager showed us around. She told me that the girls are gonna love Maru and will take good care of him. On our way back home I told Maru:
"You know, the manager just told me that the girls are gonna take such a good care of you!"
"What??" he burst out with this unbelievable tone in his voice. "The girls are gonna take care of me?? I'm a guy, I'm gonna take care of the girls!" (and continued later in the evening the story about him, the strong man, getting married in the future and protecting his woman from all the dangers).
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I'd love to know - where is he picking up all of this? Any opinions? Raising a child is a true adventure - the map is there, but the actual landscape - well, that's a whole different story...
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."
-- Henry Ford, Industrialist
Do you ever think how you learn?
So - how do you learn? What's your answer?
Wonder what would it be.
That was one of the questions I was asked in my interview to Mindvalley.
Got me thinking, because the question was bizarre. You don't really think about it, you just assume that you learn. You know - when you're reading a book, talking to people, participating a training. You learn, right?
So thinking about HOW is not too much of a question.
Is it not really?
I'm working now in one of the most striving companies in the world. Innovation here is huge, expectations massive, field just full of amazing opportunities. It's a very new playground, I feel a little bit as a child again, who is just about to discover what the world is like.
Except - according to my age I'm an adult. And adults know how to learn, right? So you kind of assume there is no problem in picking up the knowledge and master in your skill, because you KNOW how it works.
WRONG! Dead wrong!
I think that one of the most crucial skills that people lose while growing up is their natural, unforced, speedy way to learn. The very same assumption - I'm already learning - very often slows down the learning process so that you become a snail-like learner.
Adults tend to see many things as a bit overwhelming, impossible - or they just don't see their learning edge at all. Blind. They don't even try. They give up before they even get a taste of the real knowledge.
I find my ability to learn one of the most crucial things to foster. I need to be CONSCIOUS about HOW I LEARN. Seriously - I need to maintain my curiosity, need to remind that learning happens step by step - and before I master anything I need to go through the painful process of failures and trying again.
I have to, no other chance! If - just IF I want to make sure I truly achieve my goals....versus getting stuck in the point where I had developed by the time I turned 20.
You can't give up of your learning just because it's hard -- nor can you assume it happens by itself. You must have a ROCK-SOLID belief that you too can master any skill you desire. And an internal flame that keeps you excited about the vision that YOU'RE ALREADY DOING IT.
Whatever that would be. For me becoming fluent in English, mastering my communication skills, learning how mind works, learning to meditate, maintaining high energy levels every day etc etc.
These goals are absolutely NOTHING if I'm not conscious of how I learn.
So back to the basics, back to the very first steps in the world - full of curiosity, free of the fear of failure, free of the need to succeed, master of sucking in the knowledge as a sponge.
After my divorce a few years ago I stayed living in the same apartment where we'd been living for the last years. Unconsciously I felt that these walls had gathered some negative energy - a couple of bitter thoughts, low energy moments and everything else that comes along when people drift apart.
Additionally I had an old drunk living downstairs, who was regularly causing some problems by turning off the water, screaming at night and generally failing in many areas in his life. The house was old and wet with probably not the healthiest air to breathe.
So kind of this run-away-fast environment you wouldn't want to live in.
What I started to do quite automatically was "inserting" positive energy into my surroundings. I told myself that this place has to be full of love, me and Maru have to feel it the very moment we enter the room. It has to be a safe haven, the most positive place on earth despite all the obstacles.
This mindset brought along many positive small changes - we actually built a habit to keep everything clean - something Maru is still doing automatically and not refusing to clean after him. We bought some nice accessories that made the place look nicer etc.
But most of all - I believe the THOUGHT itself made the place what it became, this positive environment where you just FEEL GOOD. Afterward my ex moved to the same place and made it even nicer, so now it's just an absolutely great place to live in.
This experience lead me to think more about what we can do with our thoughts. Seems that only the way we look at our surroundings is transforming what it is. The same story in Malaysia - I don't put too many expectations on my apartment and the country, I work with my mind to create the wonderful experience I want to have(btw - keeping the house clean is still one of the basics of keeping your thoughts clear, seriously).
So it's just amazing how you are actually creating the world you are living in. My vision is that whoever would come to live in this place after us would have the sweetest dreams ever and would feel certain internal peace we've left here.
These kind of little crazy ideas have probably influenced me more than long list of self-analysis.
And when I think about - almost everyone is actually acting as if material things are carrying energy, though they probably don't think about it. Example - it's so common that people make some changes after they move on from a relationship - cut hair, give back the presents, change address etc etc. As their subconscious mind feels that these materials objects are still carrying the negative energy in them which they want to get rid of.
It's just so freaking important to think positive thoughts!
PS: Promise to tell more about my work here in Mindvalley soon. But so far - above my wildest expectations and a bit more...life's a true adventure:)
This is a very random posting, but all who are aware what AIESEC is, understand the meaning of this note that came to my mailbox a few days ago:
Dear User, The Status of the EP CODE : EP-In-EE-MC-2008-1218 has been changed to Realized. Thanks, AIESEC International
Amazing feeling, really! After educating all the members about the importance of exchange and how we need to live the full AIESEC experience to develop all the characteristics of a true change agent - I'm finally walking my talk! It feels good - especially if you end up in a company like Mindvalley (and have the first days been mindblowing or what? My learning is just skyrocketing!) and in a country like Malaysia:)
So guys who are working for AIESEC Estonia - next Annual Conference I hope you present more these kind of NUMBERS. Every "number" will be so thankful in the end of the day!
Woke up this morning and what do I see - a new room! With a few pieces of furniture, blank white wall, air conditioner above my head, blue carpet and bags on the floor and Maru sleeping next to me. Yeah, baby, that's how the new adventure looks like in the morning! New adventure for the super-communicative kid Maru and her determined-to-live-an-interesting-life Marjam means changing continents, pursuing a new career and moving to Malaysia.
Me and Maru are now living in Kuala Lumpur for at least next 1,5 years. People have asked me if it's not scary to start your life again so far away from home with that young child. Well, I guess it's a bit more demanding from time to time, as I have to manage also the stress of another person - but scary? When you start thinking about how HARD IT IS and HOW HUGE CHALLENGE you are facing - then maybe, but in reality I can manage all the different situations I get in.
So no, it's not scary. Life goes moment by moment - and by managing the moment, I can manage my life. Yes, sometimes I fail in the moment - and then I deal with it in the next moment. That's how it also works with Maru - when I want to go out, I try to find a babysitter. If I don't, I don't go out and I do something else. When I need to go to work, I find a kindergarten. If I want to see the city, we go together. If I get tired, I go to sleep earlier. If I need support - I talk with someone. If he needs support - I talk to him or hug him. Fear is a construction of mind, it's not real.
Here a few first impressions of our new home.
Although Malaysia is far, unknown and sounds exotic - it's actually a totally normal country with cool people, great shops, wonderfully diverse food, big malls etc. It's a country as any other with it's own special touch.
Still - it's normal to have little lizards wondering around above your bed (always funny:)
Taxis are almost unreasonably cheap - we pay on average 1 euro to move around
Weather is not gonna kill you when you come from a cold country - it's GREAT (and if it's too hot - get inside and turn on the air conditioner!) Plus - oh, I love the pool!
And to explain why there's some time already passed since my last posting, I have two excellent reasons:
I fell in love and chose to avoid internet over doing interesting, creative stuff with one quite an amazing person (he'll be famous one day:)). Thanks, Peep, the synergy was historical! PS: No gossip is necessary, I'm in Malaysia and he is in Estonia, so from now whatever happens is just the very right thing to have happened - as usually:)
I was writing my final thesis and graduated from the university just before my departure
New updates coming soon! I'm a happy first-time owner of a digital camera - no laughing, it's truly my first personal one - so more pictures on the way!
We are so over flooded with information that nothing out of it seems to have any importance. We are too knowledgeable that we miss out our own ignorance. We become so fragmented between options that there’s no difference between black and white, right and wrong – everything is gray and lukewarm. The abundance of information seems to make us ignorants – knowledge literally makes fools out of us.
And in the ignorance nothing is real. Nothing has real meaning. Everything repeats itself and nothing out of it really touches us.
In this state of mind we don’t really live. We burden ourselves and people around us with expectations how things should be – how we "know" they should be – because there are a lot of directives out there. We’ve read them! We already know! Now it’s all about practice! – we think. It’s like the life before us is already defined and now it’s all about living it up.
Not living up to the expectations - what a constant disappointment in yourself and others!
Admit it – you’re a fool when it comes to life! How can you possibly know? Think about it! How can you take the pride of telling you know what is life, what is love, what is right and what is wrong?
You know what you know – and that’s it! But there’s so much more – so you can easily consider yourself as a fool and make no injustice!
You can’t choose your lessons, but you can easily choose not to learn. Don’t judge what life wants to become. If you encounter something new and judge it based on your old experience – did you get the lesson?
New knowledge cannot enter when you’re already full. Empty your mind!! Empty your expectations! Let it in!
The minute words become empty for you - you’re full. The minute other people become ordinary for you – you’re full! The minute you talk more than you listen – you’re full! The minute your mind - instead of your heart - starts dictating your emotions - you're full!
Empty yourself. Learning can’t come to a place that’s already full.
Is it what he IS at this moment (or rather seems to be) or what he COULD BE? Which one do I focus on?
Knowing that I've come a long way, knowing that I'm not the same I was yesterday, that I learn all the time and that if I want I am getting better and better every day - yet never becoming quite perfect - I choose to focus on the COULD BE in other people as well.
If I'm not perfect at this moment I don't expect the other to be. But others become so much more perfect - smarter, prettier, richer, more caring, sexier etc etc - if I only see their potential. And the potential is as big as they want it to be - I believe in other people dreams and try to believe a bit more than they do, so I can help them grow.
What if other people are actually potentially perfect? So exciting to start noticing and recognising the little hints in others that show what they are actually becoming. World changes just from the way we look at it.
Traditional way of thinking tells me to be at work by 8 or 9 o’clock in the morning. The meeting should end on time. The agenda should be followed through exactly as it was sent out.
But what if my creativity sparks 10 min before I leave the house? Should I not let the rush of ideas to continue and take a form of an usable result? Should I cancel it just because I should be already at the office?
And what if the group has a whole different agenda in the back side of their brain than the one that was sent out before, shouldn’t they be allowed to work on questions they truly desire instead of wasting each others time just because “it was stated so before”?
I’m back wondering over the chronos and kairos – two approaches from old Greek to consider time. First one is the chronological sphere of time and the second is founded on belief that there is a right time for everything to happen, whereas right time has nothing to do with the clock. Both are needed in different situations, however seems that most of the business world has forgotten all about kairos. Clock is ticking and the world is designed in a way that we need to follow.
But - my creativity doesn’t tick according to the clock, it has it’s own rhythm. The events in my life are not followed by any special sequence, though there are some popular models they want us to believe, such as - high school, university, decent job, family, grandchildren, death. Everything is already upside down for me – and knowing that life takes unpredictable forms and moves the way it pleases - I believe it couldn’t be better. So the predefined concept works only if we live life as on a train - from one stop to the other, too afraid to step out of chronos. Our own special sequence steps in only if we believe there's also some kairos going on - and we trust the process enough to let it come.
So this morning when my creativity just sparked over my final theses I need to cut the flow and go to the office. Another good reason to strive for becoming self-employed. I really dream about creating a company where people have the freedom to develop themselves, have enough flexibility to work on what they truly desire and maintain high productivity instead of dropping in results. And I can choose when I work, on what I work and where I'm striving in my life.
I mean – don’t think so much. Do it. It’s not that big deal when you think it is.
Planning is great, you need to know what you want – but I have a feeling we know much more when we actually follow through. We already know – and yet we don’t do it. So that the next time we are planning - we write down almost exactly the same things as in previous list...
What if this week we follow the list through? Make it realistic and write down the things you should do, want to do and should have done – and do it. Quickly, not to achieve perfection, but to do what we know we should do.
Getting things done is not that big deal. If you think less and act more.
That’s the way to build some great self esteem, baby!
Imagine you have accepted a new job in the company you’ve been working for years. It’s promotion for a management position, but mainly because there’s no-one else in the company who’d be able to do the job. However because of bad top management and lack of co-workers the job that starts stressing you out. You keep going for a few months – and ensure excellent quality – but the workload keeps growing and you get even more stressed. You tell about the problems you’re facing to your direct boss who talks to the owner – yet nothing changes another few months. You start having problems getting sleep and you haven’t had a free day in ages. What would you do?
I know some people who just keep talking about the problems in their lives – what they don’t like and what makes them miserable. They can even take some initiative – like talking to the boss – but that’s where they’re responsibility over their lives more or less ends. Let’s call them drifting-along-people (and the black and white approach in this one is to make the point clear).
The other type – the one I like – doesn’t complain. I guess they can also endure more pain before it’s defined as pain by them, but above that they do something themselves to change the situations that drag them down. Let’s call them I-can-people.
So back to this situation that inspired me today. The example above is from real life – and the guy who is going through this decided to call a meeting, where everyone in the company was invited as the situation is concerning more or less everyone’s daily work. Around 20 people came and he decided to discuss the situation openly. Let me quote: “I can’t go to sleep anymore without drinking. I have to get drunk every evening to be able to come to work in the morning. I don’t want to become an alcoholic. Why am I doing this? No reason is big enough. I call for changes or I’m back to the work I was doing before.” <-- which would mean a small disaster for the company
It takes some guts to first admit to yourself you might be developing a huge problem for yourself if you don’t change anything – the next level is to be able to tell the group of people about it. Simply, with straightforwardness impossible to argue and by knowing you might lose your management position as a result.
Moods from writing my thesis about HIV-AIDS in Estonian media
Society is one system – if some parts of it are not functioning, then also the others are influenced. That’s the system thinking vs seeying society as a machine where every part is individually functioning and also individually fixed (Senge).
Reading the newspapers about how HIV-AIDS was perceived in Estonia in 2001 I get a picture of a dangerous lack of systems thinking. HIV-AIDS has been seen as an isolated problem that requires fixing. But how sustainable can this solution be when you have mixed the consequences with roots?
So I’m asking myself today - if I’m part of a living system, how can my functioning make it healthier? Starting from a family where I’m living right now and my relationships with people who are close up to the bigger society.
We’re all part of something and we influence how well it works. We all have a role in improving the systems where we’re in, because without little particules there wouldn’t be any system. Our behaviorus and attitudes make our environment what it is.
Isn’t there a wonderful mission to start your day with?
Just live. Love. Do what feels right for you. Never mind the critics, don’t be bended and confused about your path. Just keep doing the right thing. With integrity and strive to grow every day.
Keep going, keep going.
Love. Give. Be grateful. Accept.
Eyes wide open, knowing it all comes back double and more.
So give what you gotta give – and trust the rest.
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Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.
A new national branding campaign for Estonia was launched today. A little green country looking for it’s identity – or based on what I just saw – a random unknown country trying to soap in more tourists to spend their money here.
Not again! Poor Estonian people, we haven’t got over the last dull branding campaign which cost us 13 million crowns and now another bunch! Clips that were running in TV were so fragmented and message-empty that the hostess of the TV-show literally destroyed the poor spokespeople. The campaign was ordered this time by the national tourism agency and delivered by MTV in hope to be more attractive for young European people.
The main message of the campaign appeared to be “Estonia, nobody knows where is that”. And after seeing this dead-born-baby (I wouldn’t be surprised if this campaign gets destroyed by the media
soon) – I started to wonder... what’s wrong that we fail 2 times in a row and can’t really say why this amazing little country would be The place to come?
It seems to me we've been approaching this question from a wrong angle - commercialism over identity. I think really the main question is not about HOW to present it, but rather WHAT it is we're presenting.
Estonian nature photos by young photographer Mariann Kosemets
Maybe it’s our national modesty holding us back – what is here so special what wouldn’t be also in Finland, Latvia, UK, Germany? We’re just one of the many.
The truth is we’re exactly as special as we believe we are. There is a special reputation of Saaremaa people in Estonia. It's commonly believed that people from the island of Saaremaa have a special sense of humor, they are more hospitable, women are strong and men can drink more than any other man on earth without getting drunk (or whatever – again my Saaremaa sense of humor starts improvising:))? Well, having living here now after 5 years almost a month, I can say they (we:) are quite ordinary people – some more humorous than the others, some women stronger than the others as anywhere else. But once Saaremaa people get out of the island, the sense of belonging to a community comes out and you just start acting out as a person from Saaremaa - and are treated in a special way as a result.
And so the special image of Saaremaa people stands.
I feel that Estonia as a country is in search of this national identity. We just don’t know what makes us special, so we don’t know through what to bond as a nation. I had the similar feeling at Öölaulupidu (Night Song Festival) – we’re singing here together, but for what? There was no connecting message that would have given it a meaning.
So what are the other countries doing? One of a successful national branding campaigns example is Colombia, which managed to turn around the image of a drug trafficking country to a country of friendly people and lot of discoveries. The message – Colombia is passion! Honestly – I think it’s as much as what they MEAN with the message as much as what it really IS. So it works because they know what they mean. Watch the video – you will fall in love and want to visit! Colombian people responded with some kind of national awakening – these videos were spreading through Facebook, Gmail chats and other internet based communities.
The other example comes from Asia which made its slogan – “Malaysia – truly Asia” world famous and now seems to be one of the distinctive countries from the region.
I don’t know if my conclusions are right, but it seems to me that both of these campaigns were driven by a real need and were therefor much more successful than a purely business needs based campaign (eg we need more tourists). Colombians had a common enemy to fight against – the drug cartels who had destroyed the image of their beautiful country. In need to show the beautiful side of Colombia they actually managed much more than a branding campaign – more tourists and increasing positive image of the country actually decreases the real problem as people make real efforts to solve the internal problems. In Malaysian case I just
assume the “common enemy” was the image of the country as “one of the many” in South-East Asia – and they made this disadvantagetheir advantage.
One could argue that Estonia's case is different as we don’t have this brilliant climate and natural diversity to demonstrate. Small and grey we are, most of the year it’s dark and cold, rest of the time it’s rainy and misty, sun is a rarity and people are not ..... (put here any random positive word).
Well, it’s the self fulfilling prophecy as with anything else. You become what you believe you are, true for a person and for the whole country.
Funny enough but many of my international friends living in Estonia are far better sales agents for us than we are. What’s happening? I mean – they come back to live here, they tell stories of Estonian hospitality, calmness (the main key word, btw, I have picked up – Estonians calmness is perceived in a very positive way), natural beauty, good economy...and what do WE say? Estonians know what we say, haha:) We either laugh a bittersweet laughter over our weaknesses or – try to pimp us up in quite an insincere way: “Oh, we have Skype! And beautiful women!”
Baah! I’m talking about sincerity, true pride of our identity – and I’m not in any way talking about nationalism! I’m talking about recognizing and honoring ourselves, not because of being better or worse, but just understanding – that’s what we are! Just seeing the best of it – and being able to talk about it.
So this new MTV sales campaign is not clicking with the Estonian side of my identity. I don’t feel connected to it in any way, it’s the same as any random, a bit hysteric media message I get every day. “Please, next clip, quickly, I’m tired of the fragmented information! Give me a message YOU BELIEVE in!”
So – once again, no clear message, just a nervous attempt to “show the full diversity of the country” while actually hiding the fact becoming already tedious – we just don’t know, dear people, what makes us so special!
Do we need another national awakening to have some backbone as a nation to be proud of ourselves, to simply recognize us without any sign of bragging nor hiding the empty look in our eyes?
Experts say that it’s a tricky business to build a national brand – you don’t make it on tabula rasa and it’s never limited only through your campaign. So some countries create their positive images spontaneously – India being now perceived as a high-tech, highly educated peoples country (vs it’s previous image as a spiritual and poor country), Croatia for sports and tourism etc (source - http://www.brandchannel.com/features_effect.asp?pf_id=206).
So that’s the question I ask myself now – is it really the MTV to blame for a failed campaign or is it rather a question to ask from ourselves? Do we know what defines us as Estonians? Are we really proud of ourselves? Or does it come down to the self criticism again, the deep-blooded slave thinking: “Oh, never mind me...”
As part of the new generation of Estonians I’d love to see a positive awakening in our society. We don’t need an external enemy to be united, what if we do it through building positive beliefs about ourselves? What about starting to compliment ourselves? Saying out loud positive things we like in our country, people and achievements!
And if we do that – the campaign authors can just build on what is already there. Do we really hope that MTV can give us identity? Do we want them to tell us what makes it worth to come to Estonia?
Don’t think so!
So if you managed to read it through here – I would so much appreciate to know your opinion on – what do you like about Estonia and Estonians? As little or much you know – please do share in the little poll you find on the sidebar. Unfortunately I couldn't add there opened options, but feel free to leave your own opinion in the comments. Thank you so much for contributing to a better self-image of Estonians!:)
PS: The new Estonia brand campaign webpage can be found here, check out yourself - http://www.ispacetallinn.com/ (you can see the videos that irritated me from the upper side of the webpage)
"If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality."
~ Dan Millman, 21st century philosopher from The Way of the Peaceful Warrior
How true is that?
Change: it's one of the few things we can always count on.
I love this webpage - daily inspiration in my mailbox. I always try to take this one minute of full concentration to grasp the message. How come when we seek out we get exactly the answers we are looking for? For seeking out for answers and moving on with them!
“Hi, I'm Marjam Vaher calling from the newspaper Meie Maa. Could I ask a few questions from you?”
“Oh, the newspaper! Well, I’m actually quite busy now, could you call me back in 3 hours when I have time. Or even better – come to my office tomorrow noon.”
“Aha, you’re busy. I only wanted to ask what you think about the matter X and the matter Y. So – what do you think?”
(haha, easiest way to bypass obstacles is to act if they never existed:)
And surprise-surprise – the person usually replies, even though he thought he’s busy. He actually has this 3 minutes what it takes to finish the task in hand.
What it tells me is that people make things too big in their head and therefor try to postpone – to take more time for doing them. Giving an interview – it’s a huge thing when you start thinking about it! God, all these readers will read your thoughts, it has to be PERFECT!
The same goes with everything else – making our tasks seem too important tires us mentally. Better to do it now with what you got, again – this perfect mood, perfect moment, perfect preparation will never come, world moves on and maybe doesn’t need your offering anymore.
Just do it, it's usually easier than you thought and not doing it also delays everything else.
With the moonlight to guide you Feel the joy of being alive The day that you stop running Is the day that you arrive
Elu.
Kurjam, murjam, lurjam, vahel on tunne, et sellest rääkimine on üks tühipaljas ajaraisk või hoopis suurustamine. Elu on elamiseks, mitte arutamiseks. Kirjutamine tähendab arvuti taga oldud aega, selle asemel võiksin praegu kottis dressi selga tõmmata ja kusagile hämarasse lossiparki kondama minna, et niisama tuult nuusutada ja tajuda oma päris tõeliste meeltega, mis maik sel saareõhul man on. Kanda endas ehedat elu, mitte ekraanil tähti ritta seades mõtiskleda, mida ma sellest kõigest arvan.
Aga teinekord tuleb tunne, et tahad välja öelda – või lausa karjuda, midagi teha, et väljendada kogu seda hinge kogunenud suursugust tunnet, üleni elusat rõõmu lihtsalt olemise üle. See peaks ju igale inimhingele tuttav tunne olema...kuhu me selle küll igapäevaselt topime, et ta nende kiirelt päevitust kaotavate eestimaiste ilmete alla pahatihti sootuks ära kaob?
Tean küll – kui elu peksa annab, on kerge oma usk ja lootus pikale puhkusele saata, manada näole kergelt põlastav, justkui elukogenud naeratus ja öelda “teadjaid” asju. Lasta endal märkamatult läbi imbuda kibestumusest, ammutada kogemustest vaid lootusetust ja panna süda sootuks kinni. Sest elu on selline, paneb asjad paika, noortel suu kinni, keerab energiakraanid mõõdukale režiimile ja üllatused – oi, neid ei ole enam ammu leidnud!
Ma tegelikult ei taha hinnanguid anda. No kuidas ma saaksingi? Olla 25 ja rääkida elust on vast kergem, kui sedasama energiat ka 85-lt endas kanda. Aga ausalt – ma olen neid 85-seid näinud! Vähe küll, aga nad on olemas. Mitte ainult elus, vaid üleni elusad, huvitavad, imelikud, uudishimulikud nagu väiksed jänesed. Tunned ennast nendega samas paadis olevana, uus küsimus juba ümber nurga paistmas ja avastamisrõõm silmanurgas helkimas.
Kellel tegelikult on õigeid vastuseid? No mitte ainumalgi kellelgi! Jaaa, mõistan, minus räägib sotsiaalteadlane, mu tuttav insener vajaks vast põhjalikumat diskussiooni, et mu mõttega tegelikult nõustuda, aga elu ei ole siiski ju täppisteadus.
Vahel on parem reegleid mitte teada ja kindlasti ei tasu end ümbritseda valede lugudega. Lood, mis räägivad energiatühjadest asjadest võtavad olemiselt justkui lootust ära. Lood, mille eelduseks on mure ja õnnetus, sätivad ka kõik positiivsed asjad ajutisse valgusse. Kui lamp kustub, jääb alles vaid eeldus, milleks on siis surm, vananemisega kaasnev jäikus, purunenud suhted – või mis iganes muud müüdid, mida kibestunud hinged ja tõekuulutajad tahavad uskuda.
Loome oma kogemused ise. Ise valime, mida endas kanname ja mis eeldusi valime oma kogemuste tõlgendamiseks. Mis need eeldused siis on, mida me elu vaadates ja hinnates kasutame?
Üks keemiaprofessor ütles mulle, et ka metsa läinud katse on alati edukas, sest kui kõigi katsete tulemusi ette teaksid, ei oleks ju mingeid avastusi. Kui läheb metsa, jääb küsimus – miks nii? Ja sealt tulevad teaduslikud ja muud läbimurded.
Oi, jeeprem, kui ma oma 85ndat sünnipäeva pean, siis tahan näha palju rõõmsaid nägusid enda ümber ja rõõmsalt kilgata selle üle, et JÄLLE juhtus midagi naljakat! Ja muidugi palju muid asju enne seda:)
Peaks ikka need kottis dressid selga tõmbama ja parki loivama, homme ju juba uued tuuled.
Carmen Mikiver and Indrek Taalmaa in "Tunnete tektoonika"
I'm working as a journalist before going away from Estonia, now between news department and culture pages. I love the job!
The most exciting thing about being a journalist is meeting new people and learning their stories.
Actors. Artists. Entrepreneurs. Whoever the story brings.
Also officials, but as they usually tell you what they have to tell you it's not SO exciting, still always educating, learning to distinct people working with their heart from procedure people – and communicating with both.
Training my listening skills to catch important facts and go deeper, learning how to speak with different people so that they would feel comfortable, letting go of internal anxiety over meeting new people so that they could relax around me, being nonjudgmental so that they could trust me.
Doing all of this helps me to grow. I have an enormous amount of respect for the people who are straightforward, simple and passionate for what they do. I pay back with mutual respect. If I meet mediocrity in words and opinions I try to go deeper – if doesn't work I lose my interest as well.
Yesterday I was seeing a great play from Endla theater from Pärnu. Extremely emotional, I was blown away by the feelings the actors were just beaming into the audience, so real. Later sitting in the cafeteria with one of the lead actors and seeing him from a very different angle. Learning how actors see the world, how they go into their role and how they come out of it.
Day before this met with an artist who is making Christian art and is the first one in Saaremaa trying out digital painting. Had a nice discovery over the struggle in art world between traditional techniques vs digital opportunities.
Today made a short news story about some quite dry and official topic, but that required me to go and visit an art gallery. The lady who has been running it for 10 years opened so much more for me than the simple facts about some governmental program. Her passion, the workshop smelling for clay and watercolors, interior with silk scarfs, paintings and glass jewelry – world is such a wonderful place when spiced with real passion, even a taste of it makes your day.
Gotta love what you do, there's always an angle you can choose that matches with who you are and what you really want to get out of your life. Every job can help us to get closer to our personal vision or creating this vision. Just by following our bliss.
Yesterday I finished the last part of my 1-year MCP program in AIESEC Estonia.*
So what was the program about?
It was a one year full leadership development training program, where a young, motivated, over enthusiastic maniac like me was given a great organization of 150 young people to lead and manage it.
Amazing, isn't it? A playground to dream about. A truly life changing experience. Besides Maru the most enjoyable and challenging thing I've ever done:)
The rules were simple:
You apply
You get elected
You get a team (in my case 5 girls together with me at national board and 4 girls in national support team)
You have 3 local branches called Local Committees
You have a budget...for the organization
You get enough money for you....to barely survive
And - red-red-yellow-GREEN!!!Let your thoughts wonder to the wilderness, make a plan, follow it through and grow, grow, grow as a person (and - of course - take into account the opinions of all stakeholders in global, national and local level – yes, yes, simple rules with some hooks:)! Some things will work, some won't work – what the hack! Learning happens now and experiences won't repeat themselves.
When I started I was so serious about my work and AIESEC. Sat down with the girls to prepare The Master Plan, made agendas, was looking for this PERFECT solution. But truth is simple, like a poem goes – “There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in”.
And the light got in, actually I was stroke by the lighting itself! Turns out I'm twice as creative, productive and fun as a person when I just let go of the preconceptions and use my IMAGINATION. I caused some pain for my girls with my “whatever happens is the right thing to happen” attitude, but you can't really choose your leader, can you? Hahaa:) Actually we all learned a lot about hitting the balance between procedures and breaking the rules, some did better in first, others in second part, but I must admit – I would work once more with that team - my girls and the rest of the 150 wacky people who played an important role in my experience.
The AIESEC program in my life was bluntly said one hell of an experience! If you have survived all these long meetings, giving practical trainings on things you've never practiced, lets-try-it-out-projects with ideas you just dreamed last night, partying till 6 AM and running a workshop at 9 AM, networking with people you read from a business magazine the other day, improvising speeches for 200 people, spending majority of your social life with aieseccars (!!!) and STILL being the unfortunate 66% of them who don't get married with the other aieseccar - then I can honestly tell: “You are ready for much, Much, MUCH, SO MUCH more!”
So here you have it – I'm in love again, this time not so “weak, overwhelmed and blaa-blaa-blaa”, but just simply hooked by the blue guy stepping out of the logo :)) (I'm a freak, I'm a freak, forgive me – and listen to Radiohead “Creep” several times to associate with me better).
Now I'm the blue girl myself and according to the mission statement ready to change the world. Oh, the world...me likes you SO MUCH! There's more of a horizon to see than I see right now (just maybe, baby, it's in Malaysia:))
* Some wonder why I just finished yesterday though my term was finished in the end of May. Well, that's the beauty of post-work that is brought to our lives with full colors by the opportunity to write final reports for funds, wiihhaa!
Sunset in Arizona, Sept '08 Photo by James Williams
Who would understand what a heart feels? Who would see besides you? Who would care?
Everyone would just say: “Oh, it's as it has always been!”
And they are million times right and million times wrong.
No life could ever be lived as mine. No life can ever be lived as yours. No one knows what our lives could be than lived together.
And what it all comes down to is the chance – if this or that way. Being unable to control life I'm scared, weak and overwhelmed.
I feel the energy of a power stronger than me, hard to describe, throwing me from one opposite to the other, making my head hurt, my heart beat, making you suddenly so meaningful and special. And leaving me so weak, so vulnerable...
I still open my heart. Stubbornly, smilingly, with a confidence hard to describe, with some kind of power that comes from an internal freedom to be a true human. So dependent on my environment and yet so independent, so free and unpredictable in my ways.
I don't want to live on the other side of the safe barrier, not feeling, not ever knowing what is true love, a true hurt and a true pain. Life.
Exciting. Vibrating. Warm.
A living thing.
Only way to experience it is to be opened for whatever it is giving you. Flowing with it. Knowing that it brings along all the opposites – and that it's part of how the story goes. Accepting my fear and yet keep going.
I rather feel the energy, let it all in and let it flow, would it be then a comfortable feeling or an uncomfortable one.
Letting go of the control is the hardest thing I'm learning these days and it makes me fully realize how much our happiness lies in the community around us. We are unable to carry ourselves, we get tired, bittered, empty. As much as we need to carry others we also need to be carried.
Together with my tough lessons comes an unending gratitude for the people around me, I hope all these people know how special they make my life. Those people who keep giving me their energy and warmness - and keep accepting what I have to give - make my days full of meaning. My friends, my family, random act of kindness, a smile, a sincere word. Strangers. Beloved ones. Coming and going in the right times.
They inspire me to go so much further, to reach others who still haven't been touched and to be able to start seeing behind the horizon.
--
And I really want to thank all the dear people who over flooded me with positive energy a few days ago at my birthday. I didn't even celebrate it, but the whole day was a celebration of friendship and beautiful moments. Dear good people, you are REALLY GOOD, it comes back to you:)
