If there's one thing I really dislike then it's not walking your talk. I feel down when I'm not meeting my own words and I lose interest when other people don't reflect their words with their actions.
How often have you had a conversation where all sides know exactly what's the RIGHT way to do things, so the whole onversation becomes quickly just repeating: "Yeah, I know that." "Yes, exactly." etc.
No learning for any side, but far too often the smart words are just a nice cover up for inaction. Knowing something doesn't automatically mean that you know how to implement it -- and implementation is the part where things get exciting and often more complex when you thought.
Living in an age of information there's just too much theory lying around, so I think one of the most important skills to learn is to know how to simplify your life. And honestly quite often life gets easier once you start trying out the things you already know -- too much theory without any action might get you confused, but action gets you busy. So as long as you're choosing smartly what to get busy with you're bound to have much more clarity.
Without underestimating the importance of reflection and meditation I honestly think that there can be no innovation, creativity, satisfaction, clear goals and life purpose without proper action.
Here's a peak into the learning expert Maru's opinion about learning (unfortunately in Estonian, but funny anyway:):
Jan 30, 2009
Jan 29, 2009
I Want You To Want Me
I want you to want me -- is an absolutely beautiful video about what people are looking for in online dating databases, presented in a most fascinating way.
What are the most important things that people want to say about them in their dating profiles? What do they want? Who they are?
This art project presents some of the common traits of all humans in an almost touching way -- while also presenting quite an astonishing peak into a future possibilities of data representation.
I truly enjoyed!
What are the most important things that people want to say about them in their dating profiles? What do they want? Who they are?
This art project presents some of the common traits of all humans in an almost touching way -- while also presenting quite an astonishing peak into a future possibilities of data representation.
I truly enjoyed!
Jan 20, 2009
Everyone is creating their own reality
I don't like wasting time. In fact -- most of the meetings make me impatient. Most of the small talk makes me bored. I love working and getting things done. I feel I'm failing when I don't know how to do something and it slows me down -- so I get even more determined to get it done. I don't like tasks that don't have a point -- or at least I don't know what it is. And to be successful I need to know what's the big picture.
I use the same logic when raising Maru -- I also don't like when Maru wastes my time. I want him to learn to make proposals instead of wining. I want him to be responsible for his own stuff so I don't have to worry about it.
I might be sometimes seem a bit harsh, but I think it'll pay off in the end of the day -- everybody has more free time and everybody is free to arrange their life however pleases them more.
Today we had an agreement with Maru -- when we get home from work he can go swimming, but later he'll organize his drawer. Agreed. Before he started to work I told him to organize the drawer however he wants' because he's now 5 years old and knows better how he likes his things to be orgnized.
Result -- in fact, quite surprising. It took him 5 minutes to clean the drawer, no complaining at all and things were arranged in a totally new system. I had taught him the classical system for the last 3 years -- put pants, shirts, socks etc together.
What he did? Well, in less than 5 min he replaced the whole system with a new one. When I went to check the final result he produly introduced me: "So here are all the red things, here are blue ones, here are green ones and here I put yellow and orange."
Wow! I had to swallow my first reaction to recommend him to change this and that, comes so automatically to go back to status quo, doesn't it? But I truly think that empowering people around you -- including your kids, friends, co-workers etc is the way to happiness.
I really don't want to worry about things that other people should and want to worry about.
I use the same logic when raising Maru -- I also don't like when Maru wastes my time. I want him to learn to make proposals instead of wining. I want him to be responsible for his own stuff so I don't have to worry about it.
I might be sometimes seem a bit harsh, but I think it'll pay off in the end of the day -- everybody has more free time and everybody is free to arrange their life however pleases them more.
Today we had an agreement with Maru -- when we get home from work he can go swimming, but later he'll organize his drawer. Agreed. Before he started to work I told him to organize the drawer however he wants' because he's now 5 years old and knows better how he likes his things to be orgnized.
Result -- in fact, quite surprising. It took him 5 minutes to clean the drawer, no complaining at all and things were arranged in a totally new system. I had taught him the classical system for the last 3 years -- put pants, shirts, socks etc together.
What he did? Well, in less than 5 min he replaced the whole system with a new one. When I went to check the final result he produly introduced me: "So here are all the red things, here are blue ones, here are green ones and here I put yellow and orange."
Wow! I had to swallow my first reaction to recommend him to change this and that, comes so automatically to go back to status quo, doesn't it? But I truly think that empowering people around you -- including your kids, friends, co-workers etc is the way to happiness.
I really don't want to worry about things that other people should and want to worry about.
Why you are the best coach for yourself
Why is it so freaking important to know who you are?
Well, quite simply put -- because others know even less about you. So there's no way they are going to be better than YOU in guiding you in your way.
You can learn tons from other people, you can be mentored, coached, consulted and educated, but nobody knows better what you really need and want.
So don't rely on other people, take full responsibility of where you are and where you're going.
However most probably once you really start to stretch yourself you'll meet some obstacles that make achieving a bit more tricky than you thought. Theory is nice, but heroes are born in practice (or that's what I think at least).
Here are a few principles that have been guiding me through times when the challenge takes me near my current limits.
1) Always have a vision of where you're going
This helps you to get through the tough times. Truth is - life is always not easy, sometimes it totally puts you down, you don't get the right words at the right time from the people around you and you might start doubting yourself. Your vision keeps you on the right track and short-lived events fade out quickly.
2) Don't take critics personally, even if it gets personal
When things get hard I usually tell myself: "Well, actually everybody wants me to succeed." This little thought puts my focus back in the right place and I start taking support out of even the toughest critics. So keep your emotions for your lover and use the critics as a positive energy.
3) Act as if
If you screw up -- you screw up, what to do. Don't let your head fall as a result. Say you're sorry and move on. If someone looks at you as if you're failing -- look at your vision and act as if you'd be that person already. Always, always, always act as the best in you, doesn't matter what's the current reality. Doesn't matter if your co-workers, boss, mother or teamleader have discovered your unique talents -- you know what you've got and sooner or later you're going to shine.
4) Don't daydream, focus on getting things done
All that positive self talk is good, but it doesn't mean much if you don't bring results. There's no better kick than the feeling of succeeding -- and you get it quite easily by achieving those things that you planned for this day. Yep, this day -- your life is made out of those, so a day means much more than a year. So you need to be getting the small shots of adrenalin from little successes, this is the base of a deep rooted self confidence.
When I feel I'm lacking focus I usually go swimming -- and swim until I see nothing more than the small spot on the other side of the pool. Once I get my mind so focused that I have only one thought -- that spot -- I know I can be the same the next day in the office, only this time my spot is my to-do list.
5) Keep moving
The bottom line really is -- you know the best what is good for you. So move towards it, don't get distracted from setbacks and never ever lose your belief that you're going to succeed big time. I mean -- if this is what you want and you work for that, magic happens. But nobody else can believe in yourself instead of you.
PS: I got my official working permit in Malaysia, so I'm now once again an honest citizen and a tax payer.
Well, quite simply put -- because others know even less about you. So there's no way they are going to be better than YOU in guiding you in your way.
You can learn tons from other people, you can be mentored, coached, consulted and educated, but nobody knows better what you really need and want.
So don't rely on other people, take full responsibility of where you are and where you're going.
However most probably once you really start to stretch yourself you'll meet some obstacles that make achieving a bit more tricky than you thought. Theory is nice, but heroes are born in practice (or that's what I think at least).
Here are a few principles that have been guiding me through times when the challenge takes me near my current limits.
1) Always have a vision of where you're going
This helps you to get through the tough times. Truth is - life is always not easy, sometimes it totally puts you down, you don't get the right words at the right time from the people around you and you might start doubting yourself. Your vision keeps you on the right track and short-lived events fade out quickly.
2) Don't take critics personally, even if it gets personal
When things get hard I usually tell myself: "Well, actually everybody wants me to succeed." This little thought puts my focus back in the right place and I start taking support out of even the toughest critics. So keep your emotions for your lover and use the critics as a positive energy.
3) Act as if
If you screw up -- you screw up, what to do. Don't let your head fall as a result. Say you're sorry and move on. If someone looks at you as if you're failing -- look at your vision and act as if you'd be that person already. Always, always, always act as the best in you, doesn't matter what's the current reality. Doesn't matter if your co-workers, boss, mother or teamleader have discovered your unique talents -- you know what you've got and sooner or later you're going to shine.
4) Don't daydream, focus on getting things done
All that positive self talk is good, but it doesn't mean much if you don't bring results. There's no better kick than the feeling of succeeding -- and you get it quite easily by achieving those things that you planned for this day. Yep, this day -- your life is made out of those, so a day means much more than a year. So you need to be getting the small shots of adrenalin from little successes, this is the base of a deep rooted self confidence.
When I feel I'm lacking focus I usually go swimming -- and swim until I see nothing more than the small spot on the other side of the pool. Once I get my mind so focused that I have only one thought -- that spot -- I know I can be the same the next day in the office, only this time my spot is my to-do list.
5) Keep moving
The bottom line really is -- you know the best what is good for you. So move towards it, don't get distracted from setbacks and never ever lose your belief that you're going to succeed big time. I mean -- if this is what you want and you work for that, magic happens. But nobody else can believe in yourself instead of you.
PS: I got my official working permit in Malaysia, so I'm now once again an honest citizen and a tax payer.
Jan 15, 2009
Life takes you to places you want to go
It's 5 PM in Malaysia today, I'm walking down the street to pick up my kid from the kindergarten. Normal day - passing the shops, ignoring the whistling of local workers, enjoy the sunshine and feel with every cell: "Today is my lucky day (if I was a horse even my hooves would be smiling - W-I-D-E)!"
Life is such an adventure that you don't even need Malaysia to make your head spin (though I admit - it does add some extra spice to everything).
Here comes 2009, already turning out exactly the way I wanted it to -- and yet making me watching it coming with my jaw dropped open in surprise.
Today was the first official meeting of project Gifted - short as hell and yet leaving me with a overwhelming excitement about the coming year. Project Gifted is actually a new sister-company of MindValley, started by MindValley founders Mike-Vishen and a third mastermind - Melissa, my soon-to-be direct boss from US, amazing entrepreneur and mother of 2 girls.
It's thoroughly dedicated to ensure that future generations wouldn't lose their genius abilities such as natural curiosity, creativity, intuition and many other things that get lost in the system (yeah, I know, I've cursed the education system many times before, won't start here again). We're starting with a documentary together with Gary Goldstein and are already hiring new people to grow fast in 2009 into a leading internet business in our field.
And the whole thing starts right now, in January, a few months after I was hired to MindValley. What would be the odds? As a single mother crazy about human development, learning and education I couldn't imagine a better place for me.
So until April when MindValley moves to the new office I'm sharing my time between Gifted and MindValley and after this stay working with a small team in the current MindValley office. My role reminds me pretty much the things I was doing as MCP in AIESEC Estonia, with the difference it's focused on education, it's based in an unknown country and the membership is OUT THERE in internet.
So it is - life takes you to places where you want to go, ready or not:)
Revisiting my main professional goal for 2009 - it's simply to become one hell of an internet marketer focused specifically on education.
Yeah, I'm just awed today, so reporting about the details of my work a bit later.
Why It Was a Lucky Day Today for My Future Boyfriend
I got tricked today into giving out 400 ringgit (around 85 EURO) from my pocket -- which was terribly empty already before this act beyond all explanations.
Before you pity me or lose your faith in my ability to manage my finances take a few minutes to read what happened -- and you'll most probably learn a good deal about closing your sales on a rather marketing-resistant well-educated crowd like me.
Hold your breath, I'm about the say something that I've been waiting myself to say in the past 1..no 2, ok - 4 YEARS!
Here goes:
I SIGNED UP FOR A GYM!
(Haha, what did you expect? After 4 years in AIESEC it's a HUGE step for me -- love the organization, but I never had time or money to really do workout)
So I gave out the money and I had no intention of doing it today.
And here goes the 6-step magical sales formula that you can use in your own business - whatever that would be - proved to work on an absolutely broke fresh graduate who loves picking up marketing strategies before they get her off guard.
1. Build a desire - offer a free sample
A gorgeous looking oh-so-popular dance class trainer makes an innocent comment in the end of a fabulous training: "Guys, love making the dance classes with you, but the more people, the more fun. Grab a friend of yours and get her to my dancing class. Don't worry, she doesn't have to pay, just say downstairs you're to Luciano's class and everything's cool."
So, I get an invitation from my roommate - let's go dancing, no charges, great crowd!
2. Get personal
When I arrived to the gym, I had a nice lady greeting me and arranging a meeting after the workout.
Sure I'd meet the lady, I had got the freaking free training -- would be rude to say no, right? And anyway I knew I wouldn't sign up before my next payday.
3. Make it look formal
Don't just sit down with a potential costumer, grab a formal looking form to fill - write down the name, birthday, sex - anything. Seeing this data appearing on the paper works like magic - you feel committed without having a clue why and to what.
4. Freak them out with the price -- and then send to heaven with a special offer
Now use the same form you just filled with the name and other irrelevant data -- to draw the price on it. Yeah, make it visual - this much for registration, this much for one month, this for prepayment and this for whatever comes to your mind. As long as the end-results makes your costumer wanna run away screaming: "IIIIIIKKKK!" you're on the right track.
AND THEN - come out with your special offer. "Just today we have a special offer. It's almost over and tomorrow we're back to our normal price. You don't have to pay the registration fee, the monthly fee is 1/4 smaller for you etc etc - sooooo (oh, I know what's coming!!) - you only have to pay this price if you decide TODAY."
PS: Scarcity makes your costumer WANNA - right now!
5. Make them feel special
It's no surprise that you don't carry around money nor credit cards after it's dark in KL (the naivety of freshly arrived Estonians is kicked out early enough by everyday robbers on the night street ;). So sure you don't assume the money is gonna come now - but the offer ends today. Wiish, what to do now?
Well, you get the costumer feeling special by going to the management and asking if the costumer could pay the next day. Not important if the management is an imaginary creature with a magic stick or a real-time workaholic sitting in the office after 11 PM -- works just fine in both cases.
Just make sure your costumer is busy in filling in the the contract while you're talking with the VIP on the cloud....
6. Get commitment - any kind of commitment is good
So contract signed, but no money on the table. Not good, how do you know your costumer walks back the other day with cash in their pocket?
Easy - make them commit with something so small almost not worth mentioning. In my case - deposit a small amount of money, MYR 10 (2 EURO) is absolutely fine. Who wants to lose their money for nothing? Not a broke me, believe me -- as well as most of the people, rich or poor.
SALES MADE AND DEAL CLOSED! Brilliant, 10 points for Celebrity Fitness and the lovely innocent looking Chinese girl!
But wait, there's something more about it. I have to correct myself - I wasn't actually tricked into anything and the sales was made even before me or the Chinese girl knew about it.
It's something that the kick-ass internet marketing maniac Frank Kern calls "effortless influencing" -- talking from your core identity to the buyer core identity. I assume the fine-looking lady had a thing with fitness - and I had a deeply rooted decision to get my healthy lifestyle something so routine not even worth mentioning.
I have 3 bigger goals for 2009, one of them is to help the gorgeous looking babe hiding under my skin to come out in the daylight, haha. Ok, forget about the wording, but I will be in my top-shape by the end of this year.
Not so hard to sell me a sign-up for gym, don't you think? That's why it's so important to know your market and hit the thought on top of their brains - they'll fall for you, head over heels, savaging the bank doors if that's needed to get what they REALLY want deep down.
On a personal note - my dear future boyfriend, today is your lucky today, Marjam just got signed up for the gym!
Jan 10, 2009
My kid beats me in learning -- big time
I think that most people how no clue how to learn. Honestly - when it comes to mastering new techniques and adapting changes, they -- well, suck. So they come up with lot of nice excuses to make their incompetence socially acceptable.
"I know that already." (in many cases - yeah, right...)
"I don't know how to do that." (and so...?)
"I've never been good at this." (time for a change, maybe?)
"I don't have any talent for this." (talent? khmm...)
Seems that the school system taught us to learn mainly for teacher or the grade -- and we're so deeply in that habit of thinking that we can't let go even when we're free to do so.
But the world doesn't wait. As long as you bury your energy into hiding your incompetence you'll never catch up. Someone who learns quicker will always eat the cream and you'll always have a nagging sound in the back side of your brain: "You're not really good enough."
Heck - you are. You're awesome! Just look at the countless surveys made by your capabilities to learn and you'll be stunned - Burt Goldman is one of our partners in MindValley who made it from an amateur photographer to the photography hall of fame in 6 months. And he's over 80! Another survey proved that the brain is capable of changing and evolving throughout the life.
It's just something I quickly picked from the webpage I'm currently managing FinerMinds.com, but there's so much more. The bottom line is - there are no excuses in not learning new things with ease. You can, no doubt about it.
As I'm fortunate enough to share this part of my life with the Grandmaster of learning - my 5-year old son - I'm learning so much about LEARNING almost every day. Kids don't question if they can or not - if they like it they do it.
When I look at my 5-year old Maru I'm just fascinated by the way he learns -- and how easily I can screw up his natural learning process. You see - kids are like sponges, they naturally suck in the information, without over analyzing it. They learn what they like and they master with a super-speed.
It's amazing actually. Maru learned how to swim in less than a week.
A WEEK! How many grown ups you know who can't swim? Why, I ask? Are they less competent than a 5-year old kid? Nope, there's something else going on.
So looking into the way how kids learn you can boost up your own learning process - because after all we're all humans and though we lost much of our abilities in the school system we can reverse the process with some conscious practicing.
So I'm learning tons from Maru. Want to know how he picked up the swimming skill so fast?
Here's what happened. We arrived to Malaysia and though Maru loved water he had no clue how to swim. Seriously - he was splashing around in kids pool, loving it, but never making a serious effort to swim. In fact he didn't want to practice or the even remove the swimming west -- he actually resisted my attempts to teach him. If you want to know - sometimes I was internally pissed off -- I wanted to teach him, but he DIDN'T WANT TO LEARN.
This assumption is 100% WRONG.
Kids love learning. What really happened was that I didn't BELIEVE that he could swim. I assumed he needs teaching -- and of course I had my own understanding of how the process should look like.
The truth is that people don't need to be taught. They want to learn. It's kind of as assuming that they already know everything they need to know and all you need to do is to support the process.
So once I discovered my own dangerous assumption I changed it immediately: "He loves swimming. All I need to do is support his curiosity."
Now here's the most powerful conclusion I made -- and I guess this is the main reason why Maru started to swim that quickly.
Here it is, simple as hell - learning is based on curiosity.
Once something interests you - woohooo, you have just discovered your 5* highway to the mastery! Go with your natural interest, let go of the expectations of how you SHOULD learn it - and believe it or not, but you start improving with unbelievable speed.
So once I didn't teach him anymore, but just helped him to do what he enjoyed - the progress was visible in hours. No time expectations, no understanding how quickly everything should happen - just being there to support the process - floating around in the big pool with my arms supporting him, just having fun and encouraging him to challenge himself more.
Now once you know that curiosity boosts your learning, there are only a few simple things to remember to speed up your own learning:
Th same applies for coaching and raising kids - the natural curiosity is the best indicator of the greatest growth. Just feed it -- and you've hit the gold mine.
I think for basics that's more than a good start. Seriously - if you would know how much this simple conclusion has helped me to stay focused while working in MindValley you'd be amazed. Noticing your interests and letting them flow is the single most truth about succeeding I've picked up.
"I know that already." (in many cases - yeah, right...)
"I don't know how to do that." (and so...?)
"I've never been good at this." (time for a change, maybe?)
"I don't have any talent for this." (talent? khmm...)
Seems that the school system taught us to learn mainly for teacher or the grade -- and we're so deeply in that habit of thinking that we can't let go even when we're free to do so.
But the world doesn't wait. As long as you bury your energy into hiding your incompetence you'll never catch up. Someone who learns quicker will always eat the cream and you'll always have a nagging sound in the back side of your brain: "You're not really good enough."
Heck - you are. You're awesome! Just look at the countless surveys made by your capabilities to learn and you'll be stunned - Burt Goldman is one of our partners in MindValley who made it from an amateur photographer to the photography hall of fame in 6 months. And he's over 80! Another survey proved that the brain is capable of changing and evolving throughout the life.
It's just something I quickly picked from the webpage I'm currently managing FinerMinds.com, but there's so much more. The bottom line is - there are no excuses in not learning new things with ease. You can, no doubt about it.
As I'm fortunate enough to share this part of my life with the Grandmaster of learning - my 5-year old son - I'm learning so much about LEARNING almost every day. Kids don't question if they can or not - if they like it they do it.
When I look at my 5-year old Maru I'm just fascinated by the way he learns -- and how easily I can screw up his natural learning process. You see - kids are like sponges, they naturally suck in the information, without over analyzing it. They learn what they like and they master with a super-speed.
It's amazing actually. Maru learned how to swim in less than a week.
A WEEK! How many grown ups you know who can't swim? Why, I ask? Are they less competent than a 5-year old kid? Nope, there's something else going on.
So looking into the way how kids learn you can boost up your own learning process - because after all we're all humans and though we lost much of our abilities in the school system we can reverse the process with some conscious practicing.
So I'm learning tons from Maru. Want to know how he picked up the swimming skill so fast?
Here's what happened. We arrived to Malaysia and though Maru loved water he had no clue how to swim. Seriously - he was splashing around in kids pool, loving it, but never making a serious effort to swim. In fact he didn't want to practice or the even remove the swimming west -- he actually resisted my attempts to teach him. If you want to know - sometimes I was internally pissed off -- I wanted to teach him, but he DIDN'T WANT TO LEARN.
This assumption is 100% WRONG.
Kids love learning. What really happened was that I didn't BELIEVE that he could swim. I assumed he needs teaching -- and of course I had my own understanding of how the process should look like.
The truth is that people don't need to be taught. They want to learn. It's kind of as assuming that they already know everything they need to know and all you need to do is to support the process.
So once I discovered my own dangerous assumption I changed it immediately: "He loves swimming. All I need to do is support his curiosity."
Now here's the most powerful conclusion I made -- and I guess this is the main reason why Maru started to swim that quickly.
Here it is, simple as hell - learning is based on curiosity.
Once something interests you - woohooo, you have just discovered your 5* highway to the mastery! Go with your natural interest, let go of the expectations of how you SHOULD learn it - and believe it or not, but you start improving with unbelievable speed.
So once I didn't teach him anymore, but just helped him to do what he enjoyed - the progress was visible in hours. No time expectations, no understanding how quickly everything should happen - just being there to support the process - floating around in the big pool with my arms supporting him, just having fun and encouraging him to challenge himself more.
Now once you know that curiosity boosts your learning, there are only a few simple things to remember to speed up your own learning:
1. Notice your interests
2. Feed your interest with the right activities
3. Enjoy the progress
2. Feed your interest with the right activities
3. Enjoy the progress
Th same applies for coaching and raising kids - the natural curiosity is the best indicator of the greatest growth. Just feed it -- and you've hit the gold mine.
I think for basics that's more than a good start. Seriously - if you would know how much this simple conclusion has helped me to stay focused while working in MindValley you'd be amazed. Noticing your interests and letting them flow is the single most truth about succeeding I've picked up.
Jan 9, 2009
I'm Reading Your Mind
You know when you sometimes say something else what you really meant to say? Example call your friend with someone else name or just drop a out-of-the-context word in the middle of the sentence.
Then of course you quickly correct yourself and seemingly it was just a slip of your tongue, a stupid mistake, nothing more.
Well, a friend of mine introduced me to an interesting concept of a Freudian slip. This simply means that people never say anything accidentally or out of the blue -- there's always some subconscious thinking process going on in the background, so what we say just reflects what we're really thinking about.
Is this true? Who knows, but once you start thinking about it -- you soon start noticing some pretty interesting stuff going on.
A colleague of mine sent yesterday an SMS to her friend who's been trying to pick her up some time. A casual SMS to a good friend saying: "How have you been?"
Well, that's what is was supposed to say. In reality she sent over some spicy stuff saying: "How hard you been?"
Ooops...mr. Freud wouldn't have too much of a trouble explaining this one :)
Dec 29, 2008
Tons of Things to Be Grateful For
I'm working from Starbucks today, internet here is far faster than at home. Today it's a national holiday here in Malaysia and nobody is in the office. I had my holidays during Christmas when large part of malais was working - 60% of the population is Muslim and only 10% Christian, so Christmas here is visible mainly in shopping malls.
Starbucks has somehow a special atmosphere which makes it really easy to focus, even though I'm surrounded by so many people.
Sitting here today, composing a newsletter, checking new applications to MindValley and filling my notebook with new ideas that pop up I'm filled with gratitude.
I've discovered that expressing your gratitude is one of the most powerful shortcuts to happiness, so I let myself just be filled with it.
I'm immensely grateful for the:
Life is good not because it's objectively good - if I would think about it I could probably put together a whole list out of the things I DON'T LIKE in my life - but because I choose to focus on things that make me happy. And the more I do that, the happier I become and the more success I attract to my life.
It's so simple.
PS: I'm using more and more gratitudelog.com to express my daily gratitude - really simple, but powerful tool. Find me there and let's get connected
Starbucks has somehow a special atmosphere which makes it really easy to focus, even though I'm surrounded by so many people.
Sitting here today, composing a newsletter, checking new applications to MindValley and filling my notebook with new ideas that pop up I'm filled with gratitude.
I've discovered that expressing your gratitude is one of the most powerful shortcuts to happiness, so I let myself just be filled with it.
I'm immensely grateful for the:
- huge diversity around me - different nationalities, races and people at all ages, who look so relaxed and happy. I love the diversity in this country.
- for finally living a "normal" life with Maru and having a better routine for him - I can take time to learn together with him and I feel our relationsship moving to a new level
- for most exciting challenges waiting for me in 2009 - I can't wait to start working with the new education project Gifted. I'm thrilled by the idea that I can be part of building a new pre-school education program and start something great in the area that I see as my life mission. Never hoped to get so directly connected with the education area through MindValley, but right things just keep happening.
- for Maru who learned how to swim and dive - helping your child to swim without pressuring him in any direction was such a profound lessons about how kids learn. I learned so much about natural flow of learning and building on the natural curiosity of the learner
- for having most fun and smart colleagues whom I can really rely on and who walk the extra mile even when things are not always 100% perfect. I love the teamwork in MindValley and I feel so motivated to do more than is expected from me
- for my "bosses" who are real rolemodels for me, I'm fully grateful to have a chance to learn from the best people in business and be challenged by expectations that make me stretch a lot
- for having great friends in Estonia and other places in the world - I feel so much connected with them even though I've moved away so far. Had a chat yesterday with one amazing person and a close friend who's first son was born at Christmas Eve. I'm so happy to share these moments
- for being in the flow when I work with the things that truly excite me and talking with people with whom I have click-match
- for a new exciting web-project I'm building with one of the click-match people from Estonia - love being in the same flow with him
Life is good not because it's objectively good - if I would think about it I could probably put together a whole list out of the things I DON'T LIKE in my life - but because I choose to focus on things that make me happy. And the more I do that, the happier I become and the more success I attract to my life.
It's so simple.
PS: I'm using more and more gratitudelog.com to express my daily gratitude - really simple, but powerful tool. Find me there and let's get connected
Dec 22, 2008
Several Good Reasons to Be Grateful for Being Attacked on the Street
Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
-- James Thurber
-- James Thurber
My life in slow motion, let's wind it back.
It's 1 AM in the night of Kuala Lumpur. A girl and a guy are walking on the street, absorbed in a conversation to catch a taxi to a birthday party. Yes, it's me and Andries, a wonderful person who has become a good friend of mine, visiting me in KL. We're walking and talking - and suddenly surrounded by around 8 guys on motorbikes.
This is when the slow motion gets switched on.
They're aggressive and in a rush to take everything we have. We don't have much - a mobile, an iPod, a few hundred ringgits, keys to my house, a lipstick (wonder what they did with that?:). Being part of this scene seems a bit unreal - Andries on the ground, taser flashing in the night (and you hope they don't hurt your friend), me pushed around, someone shouting: "Shut up!" (did I say anything? Slow motion...).
And then it's over.
You hear the cars driving on the main street again, see the houses nearby and life gets back in the rhytm as you know it. A hug from a friend connects that moment with gratitude and connection.
So today it's a lucky girl writing here. Seeing the dark side of life certainly makes you value more the bright side. The best thing to take with us are the lessons, so here you have mine from a negative situation out of your control:
1. Forgive. There's always two (or more) sides of the story, don't get stuck with yours. Seeing the other person might sometimes take a bit, but in the end of the day forgiving is the only way to love and healing. I guess these kids had their reasons for ending up with this life style, I just don't know the story and was a very random episode in theirs.
2. Forget. No negative energy from other people should bitter us nor make fearful. It just doesn't make sense to double the harm by becoming a more negative person yourself. In the end - it's nothing personal and it's not your problem either. If you can't do anything about it - stop worrying about it and move on.
3. Prepare. Don't lose the lesson. Make sure the next difficulty that crosses your way meets a better prepared you. I start from asking how to avoid the same situation in the future - using taxi to move around after dark seems like a nice idea.
4. Love your people. I think this is the most important lesson. It's a thought from mother Teresa that Andries shared with me when we sorted the things out in a conversation. Loving the world starts from loving the people close to you. If you don't love your family first, then how can you love your employees, community, society, the world? Mother Teresa called it the Hierarchy of Love - love flows from close, healthy relationsships and heals the world. So I don't intend to change the life of all the bittered, unhappy youngsters attacking people on streets - but make sure I have enough love for My People first.
I'm fully grateful for getting to know different sides of life and growing in the process. We should never judge, but learn to understand. We should never build negative energy in ourselves. And we definitely should have as much fun as we can - life's such a wonderful thing, every day's a gift.
Dec 18, 2008
11 Songs You Want to Listen
You probably already know how important it is to surround yourself with positive people. "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are."
So true. Going even further - show me what you're surrounding yourself with and it becomes quite obvious what you're becoming.
2 years ago I spent 10 days in a meditation camp in Germany, spiraling into my inner world, cut off from all communication with the world and other people. While wondering around in the depth of my mind, I started to notice there's a lot of crap that I've collected throughout my life.
Everything that you see, hear, think, smell, touch and even sense leaves a trace. All the songs you've ever listened in your life are there, all the movies, conversations, sights - everything is stored. You think you've forgot, but your subconscious mind keeps feeding you with information you thought doesn't even exist.
This discovery made me realize that it's absolutely vital to carefully choose your experiences and feed yourself with high quality information.
One of the first places to start could be your own playlist. You might have not even noticed, but many pop-songs are inserting into your mind most pessimistic and pathetic messages, full of self-pity.
There are so many songs about broken hearts, waiting for someone to come and save the day, passive lingering, misguiding concepts of love, self hatred, lost hopes, loneliness. Why to listen these negative messages? Yeah, there are bound to be some setbacks in life, so what? We're capable for so much more and getting stuck in a moment (as U2 sings) should not be stressed - move on, you can.
So the idea of the day - every time you encounter a pessimistic song in your playlist, delete it. Seriously - you don't need it. Why, to feel even worse? Aah, that sweet self pity again - move on, you can.
Want to share with you a playlist with some of my favorite boost-up songs. Surely there are lot more, would be grateful if you'd share in comments, always looking for inspiration. Thanks a lot:)
My Good Mood Playlist
3. Right Said Fred - Stand Up (this song helped me to get ready before Local Committee President elections in AIESEC Tartu, still works in certain moments it's my you-can-do-anything mantra)
5. Coldplay - Everythings Not Lost (this song helped me through some tough times in life - "When I counted up my demons, Saw there was one for every day, With the good ones on my shoulders, I drove the other ones away")
10. Mike Oldfield - To Be Free
11. Aplhaville - Dangerous Places (original song is not in YouTube, but the song has amazing lyrics - "But you got ambition, you got the face, come on, let's go to a dangerous place, come on - let's go, come on - let's go, come on...")
11. Aplhaville - Dangerous Places (original song is not in YouTube, but the song has amazing lyrics - "But you got ambition, you got the face, come on, let's go to a dangerous place, come on - let's go, come on - let's go, come on...")
Are We Running Out Of Time With Education Reforms?
E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N.
Sometimes I hate that word. I want to skip it, erase it, make it disappear.
What I actually want to do is to replace the content of that word, to bring back it's real meaning, which would be
L-E-A-R-N-I-N-G.
It's not that I don't like education, but it's that I don't like the system. The School House - as it is today - almost makes me want to do something physical, squeeze a lemon until not a single drop of juice comes out.
That's how I feel when I hear new stories about most creative creatures entering the school house - and coming out as scared and average individuals with not much of a contact with their real self. And even in less drastic cases - it's just painful to see the process of re-building ourselves after coming out of the system.
Makes me wonder - what if I had just skipped the
E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N and went straight to the L-E-A-R-N-I-N-G when I was 7?
Now here's a few tough questions to chew.
Can we actually reform the current education system? What if it's just wrong from its very core and the logic what current schools are based on is not working?
Truth is that majority of schools - as they are today - don't teach children to learn. Majority of schools - as they are today - don't prepare kids for the actual life. Majority of schools as they are today make kids dependent and lose their natural talents.
Reforms - not good enough, not quick enough
Now what I've noticed is that many people know that. Yes, there are problems, yes, the system should be more child centered, yes, we must take a more personal approach.
Good, but not good enough.
Yes, there are education reforms prepared and delivered in almost every country. But what they mean by all this reforming is just changing a few elements in the existing system - in good case adding more life skills classes, integrating development talks into the curriculum, educating teachers to offer better support for their individual students, worse cases just updating biology curriculum and debating if religion should be taught in school or not.
Not bad, but notice one thing? Most of these reforms concern everything external to the child, child STILL has absolutely no control over his own life. These help attempts can actually make children more dependent, so it's just a new way of still doing a wrong thing.
Until the whole logic of approaching to schools and education will be different - and it will - then these attempts don't make much of a sense (ok, I admit - not even trying would be even a greater loss for children learning in schools today, but still it's not the solution).
But you know what's almost unbearably painful - we are too slow. We need to speed up - because we're not only talking about tremendous amount of lost human potential, we're talking about the whole world's future.
Everything starts with the education system. Are the future generations prepared to live in the complicated world we're creating every day? Are they ready to make responsible decisions? Are they mature and self aware enough to connect with each other?
Alternative scenarios?
Around half a year ago I discovered myself playing around with a thought that has become my subconscious lighthouse ever since.
What if schools would not exist at all, how would children learn then?
Some of my friends found that a bit too radical to even consider.
I don't think so. Looking alternatives in education system doesn't have to start from looking at the current situation. Let's look at the need. And even if we end up still having schools - I bet they would be drastically different from the ones we would have created with a question: what should we change in the current system?
Because really - can you reform the current education system or is the system outdated and should be replaced? If it's outdated, then what's the new system? What's the role of a school house in this system? What's the role of internet and other new communication tools? What skills should kids learn and how should they do that? What's the role of a teacher?
We need to create some answers. And by we I mean we, not them.
PS: This one was written on the inspiration wave after reading a brilliant book "Kindergarten Is Too Late" by Masaru Ibuka
Dec 14, 2008
Bravery - Screw It, Let's Do It!*
* added later: which is also the name of Richard Branson's new book. Yep, that's how my subconscious mind reminds me about my reading list:)Where to get the courage to do things you've never done before, but truly desire to? How to know that you're ready?
This is something that I'M NOT asking myself before starting with new things.
Here's why - asking yourself wrong questions can actually drain you out of energy, so you never even get going. The definition of bravery can be very misleading, found one from internet - bravery is fearlessness, feeling no fear (wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn). This assigns doing extraordinary things to heroes and historical figures, because all the rest of us are bound to be afraid every now and then.
Well, I'm more into the Everyday Heroes, here's what I mean by that. When I look around I see lot of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. They have no super-abilities that would excuse others for not following their example.
So please ignore the former definition, this is what defines courage for me: acting despite of fear.
Yesterday ran into one of these Everyday Heroes, will tell his story to illustrate how it works.
Jose, a former leader of AIESEC Spain was on an internship in a Malaysian company. However after a while he felt that he's not really moving anywhere with his job - his ideas were rejected, salary delayed etc. All these bothering details built up a real frustration.
Now imagine this - you're in a foreign country, financially dependent of your monthly payroll, with no previous business experiences - what would you do? Safer way would be to try to meditate yourself out of the frustration every evening and continue coping with the same company.
This is not what Jose did.
I met him yesterday at a pool party here and had a WOW-experience. He had just returned from a trip to one of the paradise islands here to plan the business with 2 of his Spanish friends-business partners. He had quit his job that, well - kinda sucked and is now a selfemployed Spanish entrepreneur in Malaysia. He and his mates discovered a demand for palm oil in Spanish market - and as some of the highest quality palm oil is produced in Malaysia a new business venture was born.
Imagine this - Jose is now meeting with palm oil producers in Malaysia to select the most reliable local producers, Spanish companies are already filing in pre-contracts - even though the new palm-oil company isn't officially registered yet. Exciting stuff - and soon the first shipment of palm oil will sail across the globe.
Easy and brilliant, with no big investment to get it going.
A good friend of mine and a huge inspiration, Kristiina started her own business recently (www.incase.ee). What she told me was : "People are never ready to start their business. So you just have to start."
That's what I call bravery - doing what you desire without having 100% guarantee of the end-result. How could you ever have it, anyway?
This one is for all the everyday heroes acting despite of fear! Be it in business, relationships or anywhere else where we decide to fill our deepest desires - and enjoy the benefits.
PS: My goal is to get rid of the grammar mistakes in my English. I'd appreciate tons if you would correct in comments some of my major f-ups.
Dec 12, 2008
OMG - I'm Living With A Chauvinist!!
Recently I've been just blown away by some of the statements from my 5-year-old companion. I've always been conscious about the values that children pick up from their parents while they grow up together, but what if he comes out with things you never thought you taught him?
In the end of the day children are separate individuals with their own world and belief system - and sometimes all we can do is just smile (or burst out laughing in some occasions) and wave...
PS: Mentioning chauvinist in the headline is - a joke! Just in case...
Story 1:
Showed the other day to Maru an advertisement in a magazine, where you could see around ten different people sitting and doing various business stuff.
"Maru, which one of these people you would choose as your kindergarten teacher?", I asked.
"Well, if there's no-one prettier then - this one would do," he replied, pointing to one of the prettiest girls on this page.
What????
Story 2:
We were preparing ourselves for the official alumni dinner here at AIESEC conference. I was getting dressed, putting on my make up.
"Mummy, I don't like it when people call you a woman."
"Why so?", I asked.
"I like MISS much more - people should call you Miss, it's beautiful!"
Hey, what's going on here??
Story 3:
Went to his new kindergarten and the manager showed us around. She told me that the girls are gonna love Maru and will take good care of him. On our way back home I told Maru:
"You know, the manager just told me that the girls are gonna take such a good care of you!"
"What??" he burst out with this unbelievable tone in his voice. "The girls are gonna take care of me?? I'm a guy, I'm gonna take care of the girls!" (and continued later in the evening the story about him, the strong man, getting married in the future and protecting his woman from all the dangers).
------
I'd love to know - where is he picking up all of this? Any opinions? Raising a child is a true adventure - the map is there, but the actual landscape - well, that's a whole different story...
Dec 10, 2008
Getting Back Probably the Most Vital Skill of All
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."
-- Henry Ford, Industrialist
Do you ever think how you learn?
So - how do you learn? What's your answer?
Wonder what would it be.
That was one of the questions I was asked in my interview to Mindvalley.
Got me thinking, because the question was bizarre. You don't really think about it, you just assume that you learn. You know - when you're reading a book, talking to people, participating a training. You learn, right?
So thinking about HOW is not too much of a question.
Is it not really?
I'm working now in one of the most striving companies in the world. Innovation here is huge, expectations massive, field just full of amazing opportunities. It's a very new playground, I feel a little bit as a child again, who is just about to discover what the world is like.
Except - according to my age I'm an adult. And adults know how to learn, right? So you kind of assume there is no problem in picking up the knowledge and master in your skill, because you KNOW how it works.
WRONG! Dead wrong!
I think that one of the most crucial skills that people lose while growing up is their natural, unforced, speedy way to learn. The very same assumption - I'm already learning - very often slows down the learning process so that you become a snail-like learner.
Adults tend to see many things as a bit overwhelming, impossible - or they just don't see their learning edge at all. Blind. They don't even try. They give up before they even get a taste of the real knowledge.
I find my ability to learn one of the most crucial things to foster. I need to be CONSCIOUS about HOW I LEARN. Seriously - I need to maintain my curiosity, need to remind that learning happens step by step - and before I master anything I need to go through the painful process of failures and trying again.
I have to, no other chance! If - just IF I want to make sure I truly achieve my goals....versus getting stuck in the point where I had developed by the time I turned 20.
You can't give up of your learning just because it's hard -- nor can you assume it happens by itself. You must have a ROCK-SOLID belief that you too can master any skill you desire. And an internal flame that keeps you excited about the vision that YOU'RE ALREADY DOING IT.
Whatever that would be. For me becoming fluent in English, mastering my communication skills, learning how mind works, learning to meditate, maintaining high energy levels every day etc etc.
These goals are absolutely NOTHING if I'm not conscious of how I learn.
So back to the basics, back to the very first steps in the world - full of curiosity, free of the fear of failure, free of the need to succeed, master of sucking in the knowledge as a sponge.
Step by step, step by step, better and better.
Dec 8, 2008
Negative thought? Get rid of it, quickly!!
After my divorce a few years ago I stayed living in the same apartment where we'd been living for the last years. Unconsciously I felt that these walls had gathered some negative energy - a couple of bitter thoughts, low energy moments and everything else that comes along when people drift apart.
Additionally I had an old drunk living downstairs, who was regularly causing some problems by turning off the water, screaming at night and generally failing in many areas in his life. The house was old and wet with probably not the healthiest air to breathe.
So kind of this run-away-fast environment you wouldn't want to live in.
What I started to do quite automatically was "inserting" positive energy into my surroundings. I told myself that this place has to be full of love, me and Maru have to feel it the very moment we enter the room. It has to be a safe haven, the most positive place on earth despite all the obstacles.
This mindset brought along many positive small changes - we actually built a habit to keep everything clean - something Maru is still doing automatically and not refusing to clean after him. We bought some nice accessories that made the place look nicer etc.
But most of all - I believe the THOUGHT itself made the place what it became, this positive environment where you just FEEL GOOD. Afterward my ex moved to the same place and made it even nicer, so now it's just an absolutely great place to live in.
This experience lead me to think more about what we can do with our thoughts. Seems that only the way we look at our surroundings is transforming what it is. The same story in Malaysia - I don't put too many expectations on my apartment and the country, I work with my mind to create the wonderful experience I want to have (btw - keeping the house clean is still one of the basics of keeping your thoughts clear, seriously).
So it's just amazing how you are actually creating the world you are living in. My vision is that whoever would come to live in this place after us would have the sweetest dreams ever and would feel certain internal peace we've left here.
These kind of little crazy ideas have probably influenced me more than long list of self-analysis.
And when I think about - almost everyone is actually acting as if material things are carrying energy, though they probably don't think about it. Example - it's so common that people make some changes after they move on from a relationship - cut hair, give back the presents, change address etc etc. As their subconscious mind feels that these materials objects are still carrying the negative energy in them which they want to get rid of.
It's just so freaking important to think positive thoughts!
PS: Promise to tell more about my work here in Mindvalley soon. But so far - above my wildest expectations and a bit more...life's a true adventure:)
Nov 25, 2008
I became a number!
This is a very random posting, but all who are aware what AIESEC is, understand the meaning of this note that came to my mailbox a few days ago:
Dear User,
The Status of the EP CODE : EP-In-EE-MC-2008-1218 has been changed to Realized.
Thanks, AIESEC International
Amazing feeling, really! After educating all the members about the importance of exchange and how we need to live the full AIESEC experience to develop all the characteristics of a true change agent - I'm finally walking my talk! It feels good - especially if you end up in a company like Mindvalley (and have the first days been mindblowing or what? My learning is just skyrocketing!) and in a country like Malaysia:)
So guys who are working for AIESEC Estonia - next Annual Conference I hope you present more these kind of NUMBERS. Every "number" will be so thankful in the end of the day!
Nov 24, 2008
Adventures continue in Malaysia
Woke up this morning and what do I see - a new room! With a few pieces of furniture, blank white wall, air conditioner above my head, blue carpet and bags on the floor and Maru sleeping next to me. Yeah, baby, that's how the new adventure looks like in the morning! New adventure for the super-communicative kid Maru and her determined-to-live-an-interesting-life Marjam means changing continents, pursuing a new career and moving to Malaysia.
Me and Maru are now living in Kuala Lumpur for at least next 1,5 years. People have asked me if it's not scary to start your life again so far away from home with that young child. Well, I guess it's a bit more demanding from time to time, as I have to manage also the stress of another person - but scary? When you start thinking about how HARD IT IS and HOW HUGE CHALLENGE you are facing - then maybe, but in reality I can manage all the different situations I get in.
So no, it's not scary. Life goes moment by moment - and by managing the moment, I can manage my life. Yes, sometimes I fail in the moment - and then I deal with it in the next moment. That's how it also works with Maru - when I want to go out, I try to find a babysitter. If I don't, I don't go out and I do something else. When I need to go to work, I find a kindergarten. If I want to see the city, we go together. If I get tired, I go to sleep earlier. If I need support - I talk with someone. If he needs support - I talk to him or hug him. Fear is a construction of mind, it's not real.
Here a few first impressions of our new home.
- Although Malaysia is far, unknown and sounds exotic - it's actually a totally normal country with cool people, great shops, wonderfully diverse food, big malls etc. It's a country as any other with it's own special touch.
- Still - it's normal to have little lizards wondering around above your bed (always funny:)
- Taxis are almost unreasonably cheap - we pay on average 1 euro to move around
- Weather is not gonna kill you when you come from a cold country - it's GREAT (and if it's too hot - get inside and turn on the air conditioner!) Plus - oh, I love the pool!
And to explain why there's some time already passed since my last posting, I have two excellent reasons:
- I fell in love and chose to avoid internet over doing interesting, creative stuff with one quite an amazing person (he'll be famous one day:)). Thanks, Peep, the synergy was historical! PS: No gossip is necessary, I'm in Malaysia and he is in Estonia, so from now whatever happens is just the very right thing to have happened - as usually:)
- I was writing my final thesis and graduated from the university just before my departure
Oct 30, 2008
Child knows
It's Marus 5th birthday today.
We woke up this morning and I asked him: "So what have you learned in these 5 years that you would teach to a person who asks you: how to be happy?"
"You have to love others, then you get happy," he said.
Beautiful, loved it! Glad to have smart people around from whom I can learn!
We woke up this morning and I asked him: "So what have you learned in these 5 years that you would teach to a person who asks you: how to be happy?"
"You have to love others, then you get happy," he said.
Beautiful, loved it! Glad to have smart people around from whom I can learn!
Fool by choice
We are so over flooded with information that nothing out of it seems to have any importance. We are too knowledgeable that we miss out our own ignorance. We become so fragmented between options that there’s no difference between black and white, right and wrong – everything is gray and lukewarm. The abundance of information seems to make us ignorants – knowledge literally makes fools out of us.
And in the ignorance nothing is real. Nothing has real meaning. Everything repeats itself and nothing out of it really touches us.
In this state of mind we don’t really live. We burden ourselves and people around us with expectations how things should be – how we "know" they should be – because there are a lot of directives out there. We’ve read them! We already know! Now it’s all about practice! – we think. It’s like the life before us is already defined and now it’s all about living it up.
Not living up to the expectations - what a constant disappointment in yourself and others!
Admit it – you’re a fool when it comes to life! How can you possibly know? Think about it! How can you take the pride of telling you know what is life, what is love, what is right and what is wrong?
You know what you know – and that’s it! But there’s so much more – so you can easily consider yourself as a fool and make no injustice!
You can’t choose your lessons, but you can easily choose not to learn. Don’t judge what life wants to become. If you encounter something new and judge it based on your old experience – did you get the lesson?
New knowledge cannot enter when you’re already full. Empty your mind!! Empty your expectations! Let it in!
The minute words become empty for you - you’re full. The minute other people become ordinary for you – you’re full! The minute you talk more than you listen – you’re full! The minute your mind - instead of your heart - starts dictating your emotions - you're full!
Empty yourself. Learning can’t come to a place that’s already full.
I'm a fool by choice.
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