Memories take over

I came yesterday to Saaremaa, the greatest place to be from (it's OK to say it also about Narva, Puka and Kõpu – but for me it's this special island). My parents are divorced, so only my dad, brother and cats Vasja and Valdo Kuubik are living in my childhood big house (Kuubik is the one, who would have died in Tartus winter unless brought here).

Often when I'm here I get the chance to rest and reflect, as the environment has this special calming effect on me. Even falling asleep in my old room, surrounded by my cheap, but valuable children book collection, pictures and poems on walls and diaries in the bookcase I feel connected with something I can't really describe.

Compared to my childhood days things have changed here. My dad is running a small company now and unlike being a farmer as 15 years ago it obviously means more spare money. My dad is from a very poor family, because living in a countryside at '50s and '60s in Estonia meant struggling for your everyday bread. After Estonia gained independence my parents tried to establish a eco-farm, but as ecologically pure food wasn't exactly a hit these days, it was a waste of time and resources.

I was raised in the spirit of valuing education and achievements from my mother side and humanity, spirituality and learning from my father. I never wondered too long over the question, if we have enough money or not, because material values weren't in a too high place in my world view (that before my late teenage years, where I protested heavily against many things, including having too little clothes and others things I felt I desperately needed). I was living as a normal city-girl (yes, 15 000 people in my hometown Kuressaare sounds more like a village to some, but for me it was always a normal town, though I wanted to escape to “free world” since I went to high school).

Now I see it's a bliss to be from a simple family. And always great to come to your roots, see how things change for better and feel happy for the ones who have given you your memories and if I'd want to be very sentimental, I'd also add "life". But this gets too philosophical, because defining "life" is beyond the act of being born and raised. I still have this feeling of gratitude then being here, which mixed with many other little positive pieces influence my ability to concentrate on school-work and other everyday hurries.

Actually I wanted to write about something totally different in the beginning, but ended up in a history trip. My topic today was: “How I cleaned the fridge”, because it was the most colorful event I've had in past days. I wanted to tell what happens to a household, when there is no woman living in it and it's totally left for guys. While I was cleaning the fridge, where I found food with best before date January 2007, expensive salmon gone bad and of course lot of fresh food, which was in such amounts, that no way two men are able to eat them before the best before has passed, I was thinking about womens role in Western society. I wondered if women maybe try to be too equal sometimes and resist of taking the role of the spirit of the household. And how wonderful it is sometimes just to be the simple cleaning lady and create order in chaos.

But I guess about gender roles and balancing your life in the future.