6 Reasons To Love A Little More Each Day

This posting is for all the dedicated lovers of life and for all the enjoyers of everyday casual happiness (and for everyone who lose track every now and then, as the majority of us, the life-lovers-clan:). I'm writing in hope that this tribe keeps growing, especially here, in the dark North, where we desperately need more inner light to compensate the discrimination from the Sun.

Here's some statistics to get the conversation going...

I want love - 3,350,000

I want to love - 2,240,000

How to love  - 1,830,000

These numbers represent the searches on Google for these terms...every month. And this is only for these specific phrases - if you count all the related searches, eg "I want your love", "how to win love" together, you get easily tens of millions of desperate requests for love every month.

Yeah, to the search engine... Hoping to get some good answers. Or to be honest - hoping to get more love in their lives (all you Real World Life Lovers - doesn't that give a boost of motivation to show some love to yourself and your friends?:)

But why is there this huge lack of love that makes people turn to Google for sorting their lives out? Well, not sure about the reasons, but for sure I'd love to see more Real Life loving going on and less searches happening in internet...

Here's the thing. Love is available for free and only grows the more you express it. Yet there are so many lonely people, hiding behind masks of politeness, hardly faking it till the next lonely moment with themselves.

Well, I believe there's no better way to get more love than to love right now. OK, some people doubt if the person they're together with is the right person for them. So they hold back the feelings because they don't want to get hurt. Keep it cool, just in case, cause you never know. But why not to love even if you don't get married and have 10 children together? Why not to savor the moment, to get the full taste out of it and if needed, leave with peace in mind?

You can't run out of love by loving. Really -- you can just get better. So why not to love? Yeah, right now, whoever it is around you.

A friend of mine recently wrote me in an e-mail: "You are very important and dear person to me." Nope, he wasn't hitting on me, he's in a happy, loving relationship with his girlfriend or 3-years. He was just sharing his love - something I absolutely adore!

Why not to share the love with everyone, not keep it exclusively to your most, most, most intimate relationships?

Loving can't hurt, you can love even the people you don't get married with (right? Right!:).

Some people jump into relationships because they are afraid of the lack of love. Well, love isn't something reserved only for the most intimate relationships in your life. It's a decision, conscious choice of choosing to love life, yourself, the moments, the opportunities. And if someone comes along who fits in the picture -- you naturally expand and include that person.

So how do people become great lovers? Well, I've seen many people who study the theory of seduction and practice it diligently. I must admit I'm myself a curious reader of various seduction books and mailing lists, for the fun and for the better understanding of the tricks used on me:)

But really - you don't have to study anything to start loving. It's something we all know naturally - and the greatest lovers, I believe, are the ones who are the best connected with themselves. Cause after all - if love is natural, then not loving is unnatural and means you're not quite being yourself. So one baby step at a time - you learn to express your positive feelings towards people, world and yourself.

Now I admit - this posting is long and not really following the blogging rules. So to compensate that, here's a little list to create an illusion if Godly Structure. Here goes:

6 Reasons To Love A Little More Each Day

1. It gives your life a meaning - Victor Frankl, the jewish psychiatrist who survived Holocaust, says there are 3 ways to find meaning in your life: by doing a deed, experiencing a value and by suffering (in case no other option is available). The first ones are pretty much the core of loving. Through loving others you actually get more meaning - so in the end of the day it's win-win-win for everyone;)

2. Love, unlike sex, is not exclusive (guess it's an open subject to discuss, but I go with my non-cheating relationship model in this blog:). You don't have to sleep with another person to love them. You don't even have to flirt with them. Nope, you can just - love. Because it feels just so good and clearly there are so many people who need the feeling of being love (I mean -- everyone:).

3. It attracts more good things - loving helps you to notice all the things you can be grateful for in your life - and gratitude is the basis of growth. Once you appreciate the gifts in your life, you can attract more.


4. Everyone can do it -- loving is only a choice. You can be broke, ugly, sleepy, single and someone can yell at you, but you can still go to this place in your heart that's for love. And from this place you can love anyone.

5. You can choose it instantly - once I met a guy who told me at the first meeting that he wants to be a special person in my life. Well, he is till today - not sure if he would be if he had waited until he really "gets to know me". And leaving aside the mystery that happens between girls and guys - you can instantly switch from neutral state of mind into this loving place by choosing gratitude and blessings. Corny? Maybe, but it works:)

6. There are thousands of ways to do it - expressing your love is such a creative thing. You can choose simply sending positive thoughts towards someone or to cook a dinner for your mom. Gary Chapman, the author of "The Five Love Languages" describes 5 common patterns how people express love: through words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch. You can expands these patterns endlessly and have tons of fun doing it.

Yeah, I like it too:)

How to overcome low self esteem?

I know a girl. She's one of these stunners that make the other girls jealous - glowing white skin, sparks in her eyes and dimples in both corners of her beautiful smile.

In addition of being blessed with great looks she's also extraordinary smart, an A-student, holding gold awards from several national science competitions.

She has all to be successful - have an outstanding career, great husband and life filled with love. Yet...

...she's been financially struggling to get by for years now, even more now as she just left a dis-satisfying job where her salary hadn't improved for several years. As for the relationships - her boyfriends not only look average and have below average jobs, but also give her average, sometimes even bad treatment. She's never quite fulfilled, yet whenever she ends a relationship, she's soon with a new guy who looks and acts almost as the copy of the previous dude.

And she's only many of the examples where people's potential is so much higher than the life they are living. What's going on here?

As many others she's struggling with low self esteem. She just can't see herself being worth more than she's getting.

Suggesting to this girl to set a goal to get more money and a more fulfilling relationship wouldn't help....why?

Because she doesn't believe nor see herself getting this, she believes that this reality is the only option available for her.

This invisible internal self image counts much more in being successful than the external looks that everybody else sees. And even though it's invisible, you can see other peoples inner self by looking at the results they have created in their life.

As Stephen Covey says in his inspiring book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People":

"All things are created twice. There's a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things. You have to make sure that the blueprint, the first creation, is really what you want, that you've thought everything through. Then you put it into bricks and mortar. Each day you go to the construction shed and pull out the blueprint to get marching orders for the day. You begin with the end in mind."

One of my favorite spiritual teachers Abraham Hicks said this:

"Your choices of action may be limited--but your choices of thought are not."

Everything that we see externally is only a reflection of what we internally think is possible.

So start from the inner work. Like loving yourself. Respecting yourself as you are. Treating yourself kindly. Being grateful for what you've got. Also found a great video on the topic from Hicks, see below.

Abraham Hicks on

Overcoming Low Self Esteem

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that low self esteem is theprimary barrier preventing most people from succeeding, moving forward, getting ahead and actualizing their true potential.
Quite a statement but I believe it's true. Everyone seems to have it in at least some aspect of their lives.

Following is a video from an Abraham Hicks workshop in which a participant is having a dialog with Abraham Hicks. Abraham addresses the issue starting at about 3:26 and teaches us how to build self esteem.

Continue reading here >>

Reviewing Your Values: Have You Unknowingly Destroyed Your Family?

In the world of opportunities, careers, friends, celebrities, parties, money, sex, internet, traveling and personal growth -- where does the family fit in?

Well, the truth is that in most of the Western countries, including my own -- it really doesn't. For many people and even for most of my friends -- family comes as one of the last. OK, a girlfriend or a boyfriend might take the first position for a while, but overall -- going out with friends comes before a family dinner, getting a good career comes before having a baby, having fun comes before building a lifelong partnership.

Well, the key to the happiness truly lies inside, so pleasing your family is not the key to liberation. Yet life is all about balance -- I sense that our values are dangerously out of balance when it comes to family. Instead of seeing this as an asset and find a healthy relationship with it, we rather tend to isolate us from the family and run away fast when problems or demands arise.

How Are You Feeling Today? No, I Mean -- HOW Are You Feeling Today? Seriously...

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know. I feel good."

Ah, I hear it much too often. Till recently I was saying this much too often. When it comes to feelings most of us Northern people use a rather simplistic approach. We tend to have two categories: GOOD and BAD. The more advanced ones of us add perhaps ANGER, FRUSTRATION and BOREDOM, the ones in love add LOVE, which becomes GOOD a few years down the road into the stable relationship...

Perhaps too simplistic from my side, but there are thoughts to consider.

Got me thinking again today when I was watching a TV-show where a sweet elderly woman was trying to explain how she felt when she found out that her beloved family member could have been killed in the earthquake at Haiti. You could see from her eyes the intensity of her feelings: the fear, concern, desperation, love, hope and guilt all mixed together. Yet she had only a few words to express her inner world: worried and hopeful.

She just didn't have words to describe what she felt.

Getting Naked: Would You Become Less to Become More?

You know the saying "Being a big fish in a small pond"? I do hope you are feeling like a big fish in your life, because we all are meant to be big fishes. I'm a HUGE WHALE for my son and hopefully a big fish for my family. I do enjoy a big fish syndrome in some other areas of my life as well.

But here's the thing -- you shouldn't feel like a big fish in all the areas of your life. That just shows that your pond has started to limit you and it's getting critical to raise your standards or wave goodbye to a fulfilled life.

It might be a good time to see if your perception of yourself is really honest or is it just reflecting the limiting expectations that "your pond" is setting to you.

Before leaving to Malaysia I was enjoying a rather comfortable life in Estonia, had a rather strong self-image and even though I was challenging my comfort-zone regularly it never got to a critical point where my self-image would have got seriously challenged.

Happiness Guide for 2010

I want to start by thanking everyone I have connected through this blog! Thanks for showing up in my life and adding your unique part in the story, your positive energy and feedback have been a blessing.

A famous psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the author of the bestseller "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience" (a great book, definitely recommend to read) says that the quality of your life is directly connected with the information we allow to enter into our conscious mind. Simply -- truly happy and fulfilled people have an ability to focus on the empowering information, things that strengthen their self image and build their confidence.

A year is gone and whatever you made happen in 2009, good or bad -- make it part of your strong and beautiful self image. All the events are neutral, what makes it meaningful is your evaluation. Csíkszentmihályi says that in order to become an truly fulfilled person you need to learn how to live in a flow. And a way to get there is to choose your own experience.

Maybe this exercise gives some inspiration. I just went through my personal evaluation of 2009, which I want to share with you. I wrote down all the wins from last year that first came to my mind and added in more details what I gained from these wins. Robin Sharma (thanks Aika for the recommendation!) also recommends to write down the things that you could have improved to get a clear picture on how you showed up last year.

Enjoy:)

My Wins in 2009

What's Your Most Burning Question as a Leader?

Hi guys,

I'm designing a leadership conference for Estonian leaders and surprise -- I want to experiment with some innovative learning techniques and create a one-of-a-kind-experience for everyone.

I also want to learn further about learning design and invite you to join me. I already have insights from some of the innovative minds that I will share with you later, but for now I'd invite you to jump in with a small contribution.

The rules to participate are simple:

1. Take 1 minute to reflect and answer this question: what's right now your most burning question as a leader?

2. Drop your answer in the comments below

3. To receive a special award (read below) also leave your e-mail address

So here's the question again:

What's right now your most burning question as a leader?

I have too much stuff -- want some?

Christmas is great, I just spent one of the most wonderful week of the year with my family. Conversations, table games, great food and...stuff. I mean, literally -- stuff. New things, gifts, presents, too much food.

I think we have too much already.

I used to live in a very minimalist apartment in Kuala Lumpur - a coach and a table in the living room, a bed, a cupboard and a chest of drawers in the bedroom and some stuff in Maru's room (I even hid the toys in the boxes to not get distracted by them).

The reason wasn't that I'm such a minimalist person, it's was simply because it was a temporary home and I only invested into buying a carpet. But the effect was the same - it was a stress-free environment, calming by its lack of THINGS that get you distracted. So even though it was echoing in the living room and my friends used to ask me in Skype if I'm talking from a cave it taught me how less is better.

Now I'm back in Estonia and my parents house is full of things that it has collected over the past 30 years of existence. My room is full of things, the living room is swamped by chairs, coaches and shelves. My favorite place is the bathroom that was just renovated and is still relatively empty (yay!).

Things come to us so easily, but they tend not to leave. They just stick around and we get used to them, not noticing that they consume our energy. It's harder to focus on important things when your surroundings is full of information.

Does This Path Have A Heart

Ode to the Independent, Gorgeous, Amazing, Beautiful SINGLE People

Young, successful, single people, constantly searching for love. From one short or long term relationship to the other, nightclubs, casual flirting in the office, late-night Skype calls and poking, tagging and scrapping in Facebook.

Maybe this game is all they want and there's no search behind it. Only the acceptance that love is spread in the crowd and you need to go from one person to the other to pick up the pieces.

After all -- happiness can't be created by another person, it's already within you.

So all these gorgeous, smart people that could love one another do it from a distance. They meet and make love, may it be through each others beds or just by exchanging positive energy -- a good conversation, hug, a word of appreciation. Love is in the air, they breathe it and live it -- and most of the time go to sleep alone.

From time to time I can't stop wondering if this is the reality that all these gorgeous people wanted to create. Or are they secretly hoping that soon, soon the search comes to an end and their next one-night-stand is really their partner-meant-to-be?

So this is how we make ourselves miserable...

I really love listening to Toni Robbins in the mornings. It's like spending your time with people who inspire you and raise your standards by their example -- while doing your make up in your pajamas in the early morning in your bedroom. Pretty cool:)

This morning "we were talking" about emotions (I have to admit -- it was actually more him, I was just exclaiming "YEAH!" every now and then) -- why we need them and how to use them to move forward. There's something that he said that I wanna share with you, it really made sense to me:

When we don't follow our own rules, we don't live by our own values, by our own life standards, then we certainly give ourselves pain as a way to keep ourselves on track.

Toni Robbins

Aha!

I Always Pay Myself First

There's nothing beyond loving yourself. I mean -- raving about yourself, feeling that your body, mind and spirit is the greatest gift you could ever have.

Nobody can give you anything better than you already have, everything else -- no matter how amazing -- is just an additional value.

No critics can ever make you doubt about your own value. No feedback can ever make you feel bad, because it will never change the underlying truth -- you're already amazing. You have a special place, unique talents, the greatest mission of all -- to be you (assuming it's a work in progress:) and do your magic.

It's a true gift that no-one can ever take away. You don't need anything from the world to know that you're absolutely unique and special. Simply said -- you're absolutely amazing!

Being showered by love from others is wonderful, it's a gift -- and that's exactly what it is. It's a gift, something to receive and be grateful for, it's a huge added value to your life, but you don't need this to be happy. Happiness lies inside.

And knowing this there's a new mantra that I'm using and that has changed quite a bit my routines and decisions.

Guide for Change-the-World-People: Beware, Your Help Might Hurt

I love helping people. It's great -- especially if your help is needed. But more importantly -- especially if the end result was sincerely helpful for someone else.

Because there's also a widespread and dangerously popular way of helping other people and the "world" (whatever that means then), which I call helping-myself-to-feel-a-good-person type of help.

Let me explain (and if that offends someone that's unintentional -- but I would really love to hear the reason why).

Every now and then I run into some wonderful projects that are designed to help someone. It could be some warmhearted white lads flying all the way to Africa to give books to schools or some innovative teachers or parents testing out new learning tools on kids that should foster their healthy self image.

They have a webpage with the mission statement that melts hearts, pictures and sometimes videos of all the action that took place on spot. And I think these people are inspired and deeply touched by their deeds and they feel like having changed the world.

ALARM! Too Many Fake Smiles!

My Most Important Lesson So Far

I used to think that filling our purpose in life is about pursuing a certain purpose -- going after something, finding out something, moving towards something.

Now -- perhaps being under the spell of Tolle -- I realize more and more that all I need is already here. All I have is this moment. No past, no future. There's nothing outside of this moment.

Nothing to pursue. Nothing to be afraid of. No way out of what is. It is here and it is what I have. And it's all I need, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

In a way there's no future, as once I arrive it's already now. So I keep living in this now, which is so narrow and so endless at the same time.

I'm so very grateful to have my now, to fully feel it. I'm still sometimes a prisoner of my memories or my future excitements, I still live somewhere else, not here. But my now keeps expanding, the more I focus on it, the more I feel it.

I Love Women

There's something magical about strong women that makes me deeply admire them. I feel inspired every time I come across of a story of a woman who has lived a remarkable life, made career, raised children and most importantly -- speaks words of wisdom.

While I was making research about the best education innovators in the world I came across a lady named Nel Noddings. Chances are you've never heard of her, but just reading her story and ideas gave me goosebumps.

Being a mom of 10 children and married for more than half a century is an overachievement for most of the women. Being a mom can easily become an excuse to cover up so common fears, doubts and self-criticism that most of the women have. "Oh, I didn't have time for all of this, I was raising my kids." Which much too often actually means: "I never dared to dream more."

And then there are women like Nel Noddings who defy the odds, remain chilled, cheerful and relaxed while bringing up their kids and building a marriage -- and also make an outstanding contribution to the world. This article was my sheer moment of inspiration from today.

Hey, Superhero, Do Your Magic! (Yes, YOU!)

My self worth is directly connected with my contribution. The less I contribute the less worthy I feel -- and the opposite: the more I'm doing what I can and should do, the more confident and fulfilled I feel.

You're born with a unique set of natural talents -- and you just gotta use it. If at certain point of your life you started to believe that you're actually not good enough to do this or that and started to settle with less -- you're directly harming your self worth.

In order to feel deeply fulfilled you just gotta do the extraordinary -- because you can and you should. You have all it takes to stand out, to inspire, to deliver awesome stuff and to simply take the breathe away from others and yourself. The belief that you're not capable is a lie, that's it.

So if you have one of these days where you feel you're not really happy about yourself -- then maybe you should review your contribution. If your contribution hasn't really created outstanding results you could describe as achievements, then you're not living up to your potential.

Simple -- it's not that you're stupid or that you can't, it's just that you're not doing it. You need to keep contributing every day to be connected with the superior side of your being. The superhero in you wants to shine, it wants to use the magic powers you have -- whatever it is that you've got.

I'm Here and I'm Becoming

Me and Maru have been living in Malaysia for 7 months now. I've never been that far away from my home and I've never been that long time away from home.

Yet, in many ways, the longer I stay away the closer I get -- to myself, my freedom, my dreams and strength, my fears and weaknesses. Also my country.

I'm more independent than ever, I have more clarity and inner strength than ever -- and I'm breaking through the internal barriers that I didn't even know that I had -- small country thinking, my old beliefs, learning to stand up for myself and raise my voice. And I'm facing some new kind of questions that I didn't have before -- what are my true values and beliefs, what is money for me, what is family and community for me...and many others.

I miss Estonia, the people -- my people... the places, the moments at these places. But I also don't really miss anything, I don't desire anything else more than this very moment.

This very moment is so precious and full that I'm hardly able to perceive the moments outside of it. People come and go, places vary, everything is changing. I'm changing and becoming.

Life is so simple, really.

My mind can be my greatest enemy once it starts thinking alternatives to the things that I already know. There are not really many answers I need -- all I need is a dream and this moment to notice how this is getting me to my dream.

I don't need to feel the pain for the unbuilt schools that I'm going to build, the longing for the lover thats coming this weekend, the shame of my incapability of not being able to deliver the same result that I have in my vision.

I'm here right now with what I have and I'm becoming of what I dream to become.

R.I.P MJ

I'm watching Michael Jackson funeral right now over the CNN live.

What's amazing about this event is the interactivity with the audience. Everyone who's watching it over the internet can see the stream of Facebook status updates of other viewers. The result is a live conversation between the readers.

Instead of listening to the journalists giving their non-stop perspective of what's going on you can simply draw conclusions of what this event really means from reading what people are saying about it at this very moment. There's everything -- big emotions (I'm gonna cry all night), good wishes (RIP), memories of MJ, comments on the funeral (wow, I could see the golden coffin from the car window!), regrets (wish I could be there), daydreaming (what if he would jump out of the coffin right now and start beating?? How cool would that be?) etc.

And some people just get very excited about having the chance to actually get involved like this at this event.

It's amazing, really -- bringing together Michael Jackson fan-base like this at his funeral is truly significant. Offline and online get mixed -- welcome future!

What were the 5 successes of your day?

Celebrating...

What the heck is it with people that they can't properly celebrate? Don't find enough reason to. Well, ok -- I'm not really talking about people in general, I'm talking about a recent version of myself.

And I wouldn't be surprised if you as well. Or at least many, many people who are not really finding enough reasons to celebrate every day.

I used to be one -- hard work, high goals, ambitions that always fly above me, close to the moon. So pardon being a little poetic here -- even when I was dancing on the clouds, the moon was still a far target to hit. So dancing on the clouds didn't really seem much of an occasion to celebrate.

Have you ever had this feeling? -- Others praise you and pat on your shoulder, but you just quietly think: "Well, it's not really that big deal. It's only the beginning!"

For a long time one of my leading values used to be -- and continues to be today -- IMPACT. But little did I realize that the definition of impact that I had in my head was secretly decreasing the impact that I was having with my life.

And left me internally unfulfilled.

Impact for me meant positively impacting lots and lots and lots and lots of people in my lifetime. And lots and lots and lots does not happen overnight, you know. All you get is 1, 2, 3 people a day, if you get lucky then a few hundred (or if you're working in internet marketing business then a few thousand). That's it.

According to my definition I wasn't really having the impact that I wanted and was feeling unfulfilled as a result. That internal dissatisfaction has been a motivating force for me a long time -- good that it has kept me going, but not necessarily a very healthy attitude and definitely not the only option of how to live your life.

So what I learned from MindValley teamretreat last weekend -- a teaching of Toni Robbins -- was one of the biggest aha-s I've had in past weeks. This has everything to do with redefining the rules that govern the values in your head. The value might stay the same, but you consciously choose a new definition.

An example -- if before I defined impact as having a positive impact on vast amount of people, then now I feel I'm having impact every time I'm honestly expressing my opinions, even writing a blog posting. See the huge difference -- I'm doing the same stuff as I was doing before, but end up feeling much more fulfilled and actually increase my impact as a result.

When you think about it -- celebrating small stuff is one of the fundamentals of strong life. A new habit that I picked up from T Harv Eker seminar has turned around the way I see my own successes. I've started to write down 5 of my successes every evening -- yes, only successes. This habit shifts my focus on my own success and after a while of practicing it I've started to see success in my everyday life automatically.

Really, you don't need much to feel successful -- but the more successful you feel, the more you attract actual success.

How to become financially free

I made a special video for my videoblog from T Harv Eker Millionaire Mind seminar. If you're interested in building a lifestyle of your dreams you might want to check it out.