Yet, in many ways, the longer I stay away the closer I get -- to myself, my freedom, my dreams and strength, my fears and weaknesses. Also my country.
I'm more independent than ever, I have more clarity and inner strength than ever -- and I'm breaking through the internal barriers that I didn't even know that I had -- small country thinking, my old beliefs, learning to stand up for myself and raise my voice. And I'm facing some new kind of questions that I didn't have before -- what are my true values and beliefs, what is money for me, what is family and community for me...and many others.
I miss Estonia, the people -- my people... the places, the moments at these places. But I also don't really miss anything, I don't desire anything else more than this very moment.
This very moment is so precious and full that I'm hardly able to perceive the moments outside of it. People come and go, places vary, everything is changing. I'm changing and becoming.
Life is so simple, really.
My mind can be my greatest enemy once it starts thinking alternatives to the things that I already know. There are not really many answers I need -- all I need is a dream and this moment to notice how this is getting me to my dream.
I don't need to feel the pain for the unbuilt schools that I'm going to build, the longing for the lover thats coming this weekend, the shame of my incapability of not being able to deliver the same result that I have in my vision.
I'm here right now with what I have and I'm becoming of what I dream to become.
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