Ode to the Independent, Gorgeous, Amazing, Beautiful SINGLE People

Young, successful, single people, constantly searching for love. From one short or long term relationship to the other, nightclubs, casual flirting in the office, late-night Skype calls and poking, tagging and scrapping in Facebook.

Maybe this game is all they want and there's no search behind it. Only the acceptance that love is spread in the crowd and you need to go from one person to the other to pick up the pieces.

After all -- happiness can't be created by another person, it's already within you.

So all these gorgeous, smart people that could love one another do it from a distance. They meet and make love, may it be through each others beds or just by exchanging positive energy -- a good conversation, hug, a word of appreciation. Love is in the air, they breathe it and live it -- and most of the time go to sleep alone.

From time to time I can't stop wondering if this is the reality that all these gorgeous people wanted to create. Or are they secretly hoping that soon, soon the search comes to an end and their next one-night-stand is really their partner-meant-to-be?

So this is how we make ourselves miserable...

I really love listening to Toni Robbins in the mornings. It's like spending your time with people who inspire you and raise your standards by their example -- while doing your make up in your pajamas in the early morning in your bedroom. Pretty cool:)

This morning "we were talking" about emotions (I have to admit -- it was actually more him, I was just exclaiming "YEAH!" every now and then) -- why we need them and how to use them to move forward. There's something that he said that I wanna share with you, it really made sense to me:

When we don't follow our own rules, we don't live by our own values, by our own life standards, then we certainly give ourselves pain as a way to keep ourselves on track.

Toni Robbins

Aha!

I Always Pay Myself First

There's nothing beyond loving yourself. I mean -- raving about yourself, feeling that your body, mind and spirit is the greatest gift you could ever have.

Nobody can give you anything better than you already have, everything else -- no matter how amazing -- is just an additional value.

No critics can ever make you doubt about your own value. No feedback can ever make you feel bad, because it will never change the underlying truth -- you're already amazing. You have a special place, unique talents, the greatest mission of all -- to be you (assuming it's a work in progress:) and do your magic.

It's a true gift that no-one can ever take away. You don't need anything from the world to know that you're absolutely unique and special. Simply said -- you're absolutely amazing!

Being showered by love from others is wonderful, it's a gift -- and that's exactly what it is. It's a gift, something to receive and be grateful for, it's a huge added value to your life, but you don't need this to be happy. Happiness lies inside.

And knowing this there's a new mantra that I'm using and that has changed quite a bit my routines and decisions.

Guide for Change-the-World-People: Beware, Your Help Might Hurt

I love helping people. It's great -- especially if your help is needed. But more importantly -- especially if the end result was sincerely helpful for someone else.

Because there's also a widespread and dangerously popular way of helping other people and the "world" (whatever that means then), which I call helping-myself-to-feel-a-good-person type of help.

Let me explain (and if that offends someone that's unintentional -- but I would really love to hear the reason why).

Every now and then I run into some wonderful projects that are designed to help someone. It could be some warmhearted white lads flying all the way to Africa to give books to schools or some innovative teachers or parents testing out new learning tools on kids that should foster their healthy self image.

They have a webpage with the mission statement that melts hearts, pictures and sometimes videos of all the action that took place on spot. And I think these people are inspired and deeply touched by their deeds and they feel like having changed the world.

ALARM! Too Many Fake Smiles!

My Most Important Lesson So Far

I used to think that filling our purpose in life is about pursuing a certain purpose -- going after something, finding out something, moving towards something.

Now -- perhaps being under the spell of Tolle -- I realize more and more that all I need is already here. All I have is this moment. No past, no future. There's nothing outside of this moment.

Nothing to pursue. Nothing to be afraid of. No way out of what is. It is here and it is what I have. And it's all I need, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

In a way there's no future, as once I arrive it's already now. So I keep living in this now, which is so narrow and so endless at the same time.

I'm so very grateful to have my now, to fully feel it. I'm still sometimes a prisoner of my memories or my future excitements, I still live somewhere else, not here. But my now keeps expanding, the more I focus on it, the more I feel it.

I Love Women

There's something magical about strong women that makes me deeply admire them. I feel inspired every time I come across of a story of a woman who has lived a remarkable life, made career, raised children and most importantly -- speaks words of wisdom.

While I was making research about the best education innovators in the world I came across a lady named Nel Noddings. Chances are you've never heard of her, but just reading her story and ideas gave me goosebumps.

Being a mom of 10 children and married for more than half a century is an overachievement for most of the women. Being a mom can easily become an excuse to cover up so common fears, doubts and self-criticism that most of the women have. "Oh, I didn't have time for all of this, I was raising my kids." Which much too often actually means: "I never dared to dream more."

And then there are women like Nel Noddings who defy the odds, remain chilled, cheerful and relaxed while bringing up their kids and building a marriage -- and also make an outstanding contribution to the world. This article was my sheer moment of inspiration from today.

Hey, Superhero, Do Your Magic! (Yes, YOU!)

My self worth is directly connected with my contribution. The less I contribute the less worthy I feel -- and the opposite: the more I'm doing what I can and should do, the more confident and fulfilled I feel.

You're born with a unique set of natural talents -- and you just gotta use it. If at certain point of your life you started to believe that you're actually not good enough to do this or that and started to settle with less -- you're directly harming your self worth.

In order to feel deeply fulfilled you just gotta do the extraordinary -- because you can and you should. You have all it takes to stand out, to inspire, to deliver awesome stuff and to simply take the breathe away from others and yourself. The belief that you're not capable is a lie, that's it.

So if you have one of these days where you feel you're not really happy about yourself -- then maybe you should review your contribution. If your contribution hasn't really created outstanding results you could describe as achievements, then you're not living up to your potential.

Simple -- it's not that you're stupid or that you can't, it's just that you're not doing it. You need to keep contributing every day to be connected with the superior side of your being. The superhero in you wants to shine, it wants to use the magic powers you have -- whatever it is that you've got.

I'm Here and I'm Becoming

Me and Maru have been living in Malaysia for 7 months now. I've never been that far away from my home and I've never been that long time away from home.

Yet, in many ways, the longer I stay away the closer I get -- to myself, my freedom, my dreams and strength, my fears and weaknesses. Also my country.

I'm more independent than ever, I have more clarity and inner strength than ever -- and I'm breaking through the internal barriers that I didn't even know that I had -- small country thinking, my old beliefs, learning to stand up for myself and raise my voice. And I'm facing some new kind of questions that I didn't have before -- what are my true values and beliefs, what is money for me, what is family and community for me...and many others.

I miss Estonia, the people -- my people... the places, the moments at these places. But I also don't really miss anything, I don't desire anything else more than this very moment.

This very moment is so precious and full that I'm hardly able to perceive the moments outside of it. People come and go, places vary, everything is changing. I'm changing and becoming.

Life is so simple, really.

My mind can be my greatest enemy once it starts thinking alternatives to the things that I already know. There are not really many answers I need -- all I need is a dream and this moment to notice how this is getting me to my dream.

I don't need to feel the pain for the unbuilt schools that I'm going to build, the longing for the lover thats coming this weekend, the shame of my incapability of not being able to deliver the same result that I have in my vision.

I'm here right now with what I have and I'm becoming of what I dream to become.

R.I.P MJ

I'm watching Michael Jackson funeral right now over the CNN live.

What's amazing about this event is the interactivity with the audience. Everyone who's watching it over the internet can see the stream of Facebook status updates of other viewers. The result is a live conversation between the readers.

Instead of listening to the journalists giving their non-stop perspective of what's going on you can simply draw conclusions of what this event really means from reading what people are saying about it at this very moment. There's everything -- big emotions (I'm gonna cry all night), good wishes (RIP), memories of MJ, comments on the funeral (wow, I could see the golden coffin from the car window!), regrets (wish I could be there), daydreaming (what if he would jump out of the coffin right now and start beating?? How cool would that be?) etc.

And some people just get very excited about having the chance to actually get involved like this at this event.

It's amazing, really -- bringing together Michael Jackson fan-base like this at his funeral is truly significant. Offline and online get mixed -- welcome future!

What were the 5 successes of your day?

Celebrating...

What the heck is it with people that they can't properly celebrate? Don't find enough reason to. Well, ok -- I'm not really talking about people in general, I'm talking about a recent version of myself.

And I wouldn't be surprised if you as well. Or at least many, many people who are not really finding enough reasons to celebrate every day.

I used to be one -- hard work, high goals, ambitions that always fly above me, close to the moon. So pardon being a little poetic here -- even when I was dancing on the clouds, the moon was still a far target to hit. So dancing on the clouds didn't really seem much of an occasion to celebrate.

Have you ever had this feeling? -- Others praise you and pat on your shoulder, but you just quietly think: "Well, it's not really that big deal. It's only the beginning!"

For a long time one of my leading values used to be -- and continues to be today -- IMPACT. But little did I realize that the definition of impact that I had in my head was secretly decreasing the impact that I was having with my life.

And left me internally unfulfilled.

Impact for me meant positively impacting lots and lots and lots and lots of people in my lifetime. And lots and lots and lots does not happen overnight, you know. All you get is 1, 2, 3 people a day, if you get lucky then a few hundred (or if you're working in internet marketing business then a few thousand). That's it.

According to my definition I wasn't really having the impact that I wanted and was feeling unfulfilled as a result. That internal dissatisfaction has been a motivating force for me a long time -- good that it has kept me going, but not necessarily a very healthy attitude and definitely not the only option of how to live your life.

So what I learned from MindValley teamretreat last weekend -- a teaching of Toni Robbins -- was one of the biggest aha-s I've had in past weeks. This has everything to do with redefining the rules that govern the values in your head. The value might stay the same, but you consciously choose a new definition.

An example -- if before I defined impact as having a positive impact on vast amount of people, then now I feel I'm having impact every time I'm honestly expressing my opinions, even writing a blog posting. See the huge difference -- I'm doing the same stuff as I was doing before, but end up feeling much more fulfilled and actually increase my impact as a result.

When you think about it -- celebrating small stuff is one of the fundamentals of strong life. A new habit that I picked up from T Harv Eker seminar has turned around the way I see my own successes. I've started to write down 5 of my successes every evening -- yes, only successes. This habit shifts my focus on my own success and after a while of practicing it I've started to see success in my everyday life automatically.

Really, you don't need much to feel successful -- but the more successful you feel, the more you attract actual success.

How to become financially free

I made a special video for my videoblog from T Harv Eker Millionaire Mind seminar. If you're interested in building a lifestyle of your dreams you might want to check it out. 

How about living your dream life?

Some articles get me so excited. They just HIT ME -- BOOM! Right between the eyes.

Because when I go out in the net with a clear question in my mind -- and I find an exactly right article with the right answer in it -- then I don't just feel interested. No, I feel absolutely thrilled and so excited that I'm jumping on my chair (boy, I should show more of my excitement in the office -- gotta look into that:).

And I want to share that article with you and  few reasons why this got my brain cells dancing samba.

So today my question was -- what's my dream lifestyle?

And I'm talking about living the life of your dreams. A conscious lifestyle design, choosing what you really want, what fits to your personality and what gets this unique YOU clicking like a tick-tack-bomb.

The thing is -- I grew up in a normal family. Mom and dad went to work, I went to school, took guitar and ceramics classes, played with my brother, fought with my sister, studied well, met my boyfriend, got married, graduated from uni. You know -- totally OK story, everybody does that...up to a certain point when I said: "Hey, my dreams are dragging me towards something different, gotta go!"

Where? Well, where the gut asked me to go, without a goal, really -- just to keep moving and keep growing.

So I ended up in all the crazy sizzly-wizzly-buzzly adventure that contained the colorful lifestyle in AIESEC, traveling all across the Europe, meeting new mentors, making friends who inspire the mind out of me, divorcing my husband (who became a superstar in Estonia later on -- people, never let a relationship hold you back from your true potential:) and ending up in Kuala Lumpur, the job of my dreams.

This is all good, constant moving makes the Universe go WOW -- but heck, gotta move to the next level. Enough of rambling towards my goals based on the gut feeling -- going with the flow and KNOWING where you want the flow to go sounds Pretty Sweet.

So now the question -- what's my dream lifestyle?

By now you realize that I can't exactly go back to my past experiences to find a good answer. I love my family tremendously and I'm getting tons of them -- but I don't have to choose the same lifestyle as my family and peers have chosen. And to choose a different one you gotta seek for different experiences.

My question -- how are the super successful people living? What's normal for them and out-of-the-box for me? Gotta learn that, baby -- so I can actually expand my dreams and start seeing what else is possible.

So with that question in mind I stumbled across this article that I mentioned in the beginning -- from the Wordpress founder who describes the way he works. And what a brilliant article that is for anyone seeking new ideas for a dream lifestyle! Not to copy-paste, but to find at least one new idea to stick on your vision board.

I'm working on mine now, can't believe it took me 25 years to consciously design one :D

What to do with your Sundays

One thing that's crystal clear for me is this -- in order to stay competitive you have to learn new stuff all the time. Though I'm still far from perfect in using my time, I have some nerdish habits that help me to move ahead.

Here's an honest pick of them:

• reading a book when I go to the toilet
  
• carrying a pocket-format book with me in my bag -- you never know when you have 5 spare minutes
• listening to TED-talks before I go to sleep
• listening to audio podcasts when I'm cooking
• adding all the good blogs in my Google Reader, sorting them under different categories such as Marketing, Personal Development, Spiritual Lessons etc and checking my Google Readers at least once a week
• throwing a few question about the project I'm working on to my co-workers on casual lunch breaks or 5-min breaks to get quick, innovative feedback

Any useful habits you have that help you to integrate learning naturally and easily into your everyday life?

Anyway as it was Sunday today, I spent several hours on learning new stuff. Here my reading list from today:

1. 10 Golden Lessons from Steve Jobs -- if you would read only one thing today, this would be it. Life lessons from a guy who changed the world with his bold vision and flawless execution
   
2. Copyblogger.com -- an excellent resource about how to persuade through a written word, lot of guest blog posting and tips on how to improve your communication skills
3. Penelope Trunk on career choice, blogging and life -- the author "gets naked" and shares some of the very private insights from her own life, yet remains universal. Human, smart and enjoyable
   
4. Brilliant marketer Seth Godin on his experiment of hiring brilliant people, building interesting brands and standing out as a blogger
5. Presentation ZEN: Making presentations in TED style -- a wonderful guide for everyone in making a meaningful presentation or preparing for your once-in-a-lifetime TED-talk
6. Alex Mandossian: Why Multitasking Destroys Your Productivity (and other useful stuff -- just watch out for the sales pitch in many of the interviews -- or learn how to do it yourself for your own business:)

I'd be glad if you'd share your own suggestions in the comments!

Make up your mind, baby!

It's always good to get clear on things -- any decision is better than no decision at all. Indecisiveness is like an ultimate pain formula -- it freezes you in a state where you don't really want to be until you start believing there's no other way.

That's one of the biggest b....t-stories people tell themselves, the story of having only one option. There are always more, reality is just our version out of countless of opportunities, merely a perception. You don't have to look far for proof -- just think of someone else experiencing the exact same situation and you already have a new version of the reality.

If you can't make a decision you're actually choosing the miserable state that you're trying to avoid. You're so afraid of the outcomes of your new decision that you refuse of any improvement at all, just freeze, hoping that someone else will make a decision for you.

And they will, no doubt about it. People make decision for us all the time -- and if you haven't made up your mind what's your own desired outcome you will pretty much follow any decision that comes to your way.

Well, here's the news -- I don't think anyone else knows where exactly you want to go. I don't think they spend so much time as yourself of thinking what would be your best interests.

So it pretty much leaves you the only choice to DECIDE. And not to allow other people to make a decision for you, unless you're convinced they overlap with your own plans.

Why I'm inspired to write all of this? Because heck -- sometimes the decision is a tough one, something you don't really want to do. And every cell in your body is vibrating against it, longing to linger on in the moment. But if you're smart you'll always consider the long-term consequences of your decisions -- what might seem to be good now, might lead you to a long-term misery in the long run.

Eating too much. Sleeping too long. Procrastinating a task.

Or spending time with people who just use you.

Get clear on what you want and just do it. You will definitely need the extra self esteem in the future.

I Want to Read a Book About You

Your life is an amazing story. If you would write a book about your TODAY it would be an amazing reading. It would take my breath away, guaranteed. Yes, I mean your real day -- so real that at first you don't even notice it happened. Your true desires, the very real questions, the simple human expressions -- everything visible, hidden and buried that makes you the miraculous being that you are.

Yes, I wish I could read that book of your today, I would be so inspired.

How many wonderful things are happening to you every day? Some are so outstanding that you're literally swept off your feet, if you allow, of course. Some become serious relationships, some turn into spiritual journeys, some remain short affairs that bring a smile upon your face every time you think about it. Some are your secret desires or your sweet victories in the battlefield against your darker side.

Life is made of these moments -- do you still get the vibe when you think about the life you're living?

Savor the moment, celebrate your success. And remember the beautiful details of your experiences, your story was never supposed to be a 2-dimension black-and-white-movie. Tell a story that your grandchildren would love to hear. Remember your first, second, third and fourth love with the same inspiration. Get all excited when remembering THAT job interview. Sense the special electricity when you got your first passport. Remember the longing for this special person -- with a smile for all that you learned.

Give value to all your experiences. Remember the colors. Stay human. No regrets. A beautiful, full, rich life.

Love every piece of it.

I'd really love to read the true story of your today.

This commercial I found from Peep's blog is a perfect match with what I've written today.

Why it's so important to choose the right crowd

Have you been in a situation where you feel you just don't fit in the group? The jokes they make, stories they tell -- you just don't "click", have nothing to add?

Sucks, right?

Unless it was that you were sick or tired, you probably experienced some kind of a conflict between your values and the values of the group. 

The thing is that every group is sharing certain values, this is what keeps it together -- and if your values don't match you better do something about it.

1. Learn to be a better communicator and keep a different opinion without insulting the group members
   
2. Change your opinions
   
3. Leave and choose a better crowd
   
4. (add your own thought)

Just sitting around and feeling bad about yourself doesn't help anybody, least yourself.

The truth is that no matter how strong is your personality and how effective you are in communication -- the group always influences your opinions. Even a slight change in your opinion influences your internal values and the more you have to adjust, the more you become alike the group.

I'm not saying if it's good or bad, just that -- make sure you choose the right crowd. If you haven't recently been drawn to a conversation that inspires you or you haven't felt really INTO the group -- you probably gotta meet some new people.

And a hint about your values -- watch out for the things that you really, really like. Everything that makes you feel good says a great deal about your values. You shouldn't change these values that make you bloom, change only those that make you feel down.

Allright, gotta run on a dinner, talk later!

Another wonderful social experiment

Internet is amazing. I found this video where musicians from all around the world are playing the same song that comes together as one music video.

It's great, I love the idea. It's simple, innovative, meaningful and fun -- that's how executing powerful ideas should be. Not hard work, but a fun journey.

This video is actually part of an award-winning documentary "Playing For Change: Peace Through Music". Check out the whole story here.

What I dislike about church

Christian girl is back in church.

On our trip to Penang island I visited Malaysian biggest temple. Beautiful place, I love the atmosphere in churches and other religious places. They've gathered lot of good energy and hope, you can just feel it.

Though enjoying the vibe and the special connection with myself I did realize that institutionalized religion has left some unwanted influences in my brain. You see -- church wires you up in a certain way and you can trace the subconscious influences -- not always wanted and beneficial -- even years after moving on.

I was a Christian girl -- went to church half of my life, was raised in christian traditions, learned to follow and fight for values that I took from my church.

It took me years to rebuild my core values once I realized that church was not really holy nor working for my best interests. And now, while working in Malaysia, traveling around, building a new social network and being close to my learning edge I'm re-estimating with my core value system once again.

And I've discovered some belief systems coming straight from church -- which beg to be changed -- if I'm serious about becoming the person I was born being.

This is what church does to your brain.

1) it makes you believe the truth is black and white

2) it makes you not to question

3) it makes you to believe there's always a higher authority who already knows

4) that there are rules and you have to follow these rules

5) it makes you rely on others

I'm not against religion, really. I think it makes sense and has a lot of universal truths in it.

It's just the church, the institutionalized religion that I find dangerous for unprepared minds.

It's the hypocrisy together with the denial of true human potential that makes me dislike institutionalized religion. It leaves traces in your brain that you need to consciously remove to be successful in this world and to be fully connected with your natural being.

And I'm sorry if I've offended anyone with this posting. I know a lot of good people in church who have managed to maintain the purity of their practice. Yet majority of them are just followers, brains switched off and words far away from deeds.

I'm glad there's hope, though -- we can change if the need is burning enough for us.

So this one is for going through necessary transformations.

This posting is not about longing, but about appreciating

This is a random thought, but I really want to share this.

I think you are so lucky that you can be with the people who are around you today.

You are.

So whoever is around you give appreciation to them they truly deserve, just because they are there right now.

I do the same here, so that I don't have second thoughts once I change the space.

First find your question

Maru asked me in the morning if BWM-Ferrari is the fastest car in the world. Well, when it comes to cars I hold the record in knowing the least, but I do know that BMW and Ferrari are not the same brand. This said I didn't have much more to add -- except that it's certainly a GREAT QUESTION.

I'm honest with my kid -- if I don't know the answer, I tell him: "Google knows." And I save the day - together with my reputation - with a little Google search.

The ideal time to do this came today while sitting in a fish and chips restaurant and waiting for the -- fish and chips. With a little everyday-magic from Google we learned that the fastest car in the world is SSC Ultimate Aero that can develop a speed more than 415 km/h.

What happened then was my aha!-moment of the week. To host a decent conversation over the dinner I proposed a game: "Let's both ask a question about something we want to know. The one who has more questions is the winner."

And here's the aha! -- I realized that it's much harder to ask questions then to provide answers. That might seem a minor detail, but once you try the game you understand how HUGE impact it has on our lives.

You've been trained to answer, not to ask questions (at least I know I have). You feel a bit incompetent when you don't know the answer -- as if being on the spotlight back in school, grilled by a teacher in our least favorite subject. We're all pretty good in pretending we know, which also means that the effort that should go into focused learning goes pretty often in covering up our lacks.

Think about it -- what do you want to know? What's your question?

And then go for the answer. Not the other way around.

PS: You should try the game, it's fantastic.

PPS: Maru wanted to know how many people have been killed in wars, how many sharks are in the sea of Lithuania and who killed the chicken my mother kept a few years back. I wanted to know how to gain friends and influence people -- and I've already read the book. Bugger, what did I learn, actually?