Pages

Sep 20, 2013

Finding meaning in it all - still, 30 years later

The days come and the days go. It feels that life is moving in some direction. Carrying me along to an unknown destination. I try to imagine that I somehow control the direction, but the truth is that I only control how I feel about it all - and even that with moderate success. 

The major events and breakthrough moments in my life have been lucky accidents - my kids, meeting the most important people in my life, the career direction, clients. I really quite honestly don't know where it's all going, I'm just curios to keep discovering.

When I think about it then everything seems to be one lucky accident...

A friend of mine says that he doesn't believe in accidents. To be really honest then I don't know if I believe in them or not, I just don't clearly sense anything yet.

But what I do believe is that I'm blessed just to be here. Just to be alive. Just to experience. And trust that this is what I need to learn in this life and that somehow it all makes sense in a big cosmic picture. That somehow, one day, I do understand and will be clapping for my younger self that made it through it all. Sometimes with a white flag in my hand and sometimes with roses in my hair. But I arrived, I grew, I learned and I somehow filled exactly the right spot in this Universe.

That thought makes me feel happy and all light inside.

Sep 19, 2013

Kontrolli kaotus

Hea tunne, et kui ajad mingid asjad korda, mingid asjad, mis on sinu kontrolli all. Viid lapse hamba-arsti juurde regulaarsesse kontrolli. Pesed hommikul hambad ära. Paned autosse bensiini. Organiseerid oma elu nii, et see jookseb nagu masinavärk.

Kuid on asju, mida sa ei saa kontrollida. LOOMING. ÄRI. UNISTUSTE TÄITUMINE.

Need on kõik asjad, mis juhtuvad justkui sinust sõltumatult, ainus, mida teha saad, on uskuda ja palvetada, et kõik läheks nii nagu soovid. Et muusa istuks su õla peal just siis, kui sul teda vaja on. Saad loota, et kuidagi teeb keskkond ruumi sellele, et need asjad, mida oma peas näed, materjaliseeruksid.

Kuid tõele au andes ei ole sul selle üle mitte mingit kontrolli. Arvata, et on, on illussioon. Kõik, mida saad teha, on hinnata hetke - tähistada seda, mis on praegu ja nüüd. Ja liikuda edasi uskudes, et sinu sisemine harmoonia toob jätkuvalt sinu ellu välist harmooniat nagu ta seda seni teinud. Täiesti ennustamatult, kuid samas õnnistatud moel.