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Jan 14, 2011

Even an Adventurer Needs Some Stability


Stability. I've had 1000 reasons to avoid this for years and there clearly hasn't been much in my life. My word is and has been "adventure" -- and I've had no interest, no time, not even a slightest intention in something as boring, fixed and solid as "stability".

It's the first time in my life when I actually welcome stability and have 1000 reasons to think it's a great idea to do that - without being afraid that I would eventually become one of those empty-eyed ignorants who have no hopes, no dreams and no interest in anything.

See - if you approach life as a field of opportunities and yourself as the creator of your life experience, then the word "stability" sounds almost as if you simply got stuck in some phase of your life and can't move on anymore. In the mind of people like me....

Stability = Stagnation.

Or is it? Maybe, just maybe I - and all the other driven and motivated souls, always after something, but  more happy with the search, than the finding - have been getting it wrong all the time.

Is it really true that you have to choose between variety and certainty? Or could you actually have both?

Well, there's something to learn from my life so far. My pattern has been avoiding all sorts of "settling down-s". I've tried to settle, but haven't been too successful in that. I've been in various career paths, relationships, countries, networks and groups of people - and it's been more like passing through a house, checking out different rooms, opening and closing doors, but not with the intention of buying it. I've enjoyed the journey, but rarely the destination and my mind has always been wondering about the "next big thing"...

Constant change has become so usual for me that I feel more comfortable with the unknown than the known. I've been drawn by the variety, the thrill of new experiences and exploring of the mystery of the things that I still don't know. Though an excellent asset for an entrepreneur, it's clearly an unbalanced approach to life as a whole.

If this sounds similar then you might be as blind about yourself as I was.

I never realized up until recently how my belief that stability = boredom and that you can't have both an adventure and stability was negatively affecting my life. After one meditation session I suddenly started to see that I've been opening chapters, but haven't been so keen in closing them. Lot of undefined relationships. Lot of projects in different areas. Lot of YES-s, but not enough NO-s. Lot of space in my life FILLED UP with stuff that really has no meaning or isn't serving my best interests.

It's funny when you have such a blind spot about yourself, that probably everyone else would be able to pick up about you quite fast, but you're completely unaware of.

There's nothing wrong about being adventurous - in fact the courage to explore the unknown will be my strength as an entrepreneur and serve me in anything I'll do in the future - but you gotta have something to hold on to in order to build something solid. If you constantly let your treasures slip away - relationships that actually matter, business ideas that will make a difference, family, values etc - you're simply going around in circles, unaware that you've actually already found what you're looking for.

The paradox is that you can have - stability and variety. One doesn't rule out the other (duh!).

Tony Robbins, one of my favorite teachers, is saying that every human has 6 basic needs and that we all are constantly filling these 6 needs in order to be happy. Some ways are serving us and the other ways are affecting us negatively, so the goal is to fill all your 6 needs in a way that serve you. Among the 6 needs are those two seemingly opposing needs: a need for certainty and a need for variety - and Robbins says that we all need both to be happy - and we CAN HAVE both.

I've realized that we all need our foundation, something to hold on to, something we can rely on and be sure that this will be there even if everything else crumbles apart. We all need a core to be strong.

I've realized that most of the men and women of strength and accomplishments have such a strong internal belief structure that doesn't change and keeps them going when external conditions get toughest.

Yes, there might be a 1000 truths in this world, yes, CHANGE might the the only certain thing and yes, nobody might be right and everybody might be right - but just make up your mind what do YOU want! Who the heck cares that everybody have a different truth, all you need is to pick yours and stick to it.

What wonderful lessons I still have to learn! So guys and girls, I'm gonna create some stability in my life.  Not sure yet in which form it will come, but the intention has been set, so I'm only welcoming the consequence of this intention in 2011:)

PS: Those who wonder - the book is still baking! The end of 2010 was much more about building the business than writing a book - and maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist as well:) It still takes courage for me to be authentic in this book, so bare with me, your blessings have all been counted and I will write this book in 2011. 

PPS: I've moved to Costa Rica with Maru for 2 months, living 10min from the Pacific beach - and it feels so funny to write about stability in these circumstances:) But as said - I think stability is more your internal condition, so I don't see controversy in my intentions and actions.