Pages

Sep 25, 2008

Just do it, baby!

“Hi, I'm Marjam Vaher calling from the newspaper Meie Maa. Could I ask a few questions from you?”

“Oh, the newspaper! Well, I’m actually quite busy now, could you call me back in 3 hours when I have time. Or even better – come to my office tomorrow noon.”

“Aha, you’re busy. I only wanted to ask what you think about the matter X and the matter Y. So – what do you think?”

(haha, easiest way to bypass obstacles is to act if they never existed:)


And surprise-surprise – the person usually replies, even though he thought he’s busy. He actually has this 3 minutes what it takes to finish the task in hand.


What it tells me is that people make things too big in their head and therefor try to postpone – to take more time for doing them. Giving an interview – it’s a huge thing when you start thinking about it! God, all these readers will read your thoughts, it has to be PERFECT!


The same goes with everything else – making our tasks seem too important tires us mentally. Better to do it now with what you got, again – this perfect mood, perfect moment, perfect preparation will never come, world moves on and maybe doesn’t need your offering anymore.


Just do it, it's usually easier than you thought and not doing it also delays everything else.

Sep 23, 2008

Kõik, mis juhtub, on hea


With the moonlight to guide you
Feel the joy of being alive
The day that you stop running
Is the day that you arrive

Elu.

Kurjam, murjam, lurjam, vahel on tunne, et sellest rääkimine on üks tühipaljas ajaraisk või hoopis suurustamine. Elu on elamiseks, mitte arutamiseks. Kirjutamine tähendab arvuti taga oldud aega, selle asemel võiksin praegu kottis dressi selga tõmmata ja kusagile hämarasse lossiparki kondama minna, et niisama tuult nuusutada ja tajuda oma päris tõeliste meeltega, mis maik sel saareõhul man on. Kanda endas ehedat elu, mitte ekraanil tähti ritta seades mõtiskleda, mida ma sellest kõigest arvan.

Aga teinekord tuleb tunne, et tahad välja öelda – või lausa karjuda, midagi teha, et väljendada kogu seda hinge kogunenud suursugust tunnet, üleni elusat rõõmu lihtsalt olemise üle. See peaks ju igale inimhingele tuttav tunne olema...kuhu me selle küll igapäevaselt topime, et ta nende kiirelt päevitust kaotavate eestimaiste ilmete alla pahatihti sootuks ära kaob?

Tean küll – kui elu peksa annab, on kerge oma usk ja lootus pikale puhkusele saata, manada näole kergelt põlastav, justkui elukogenud naeratus ja öelda “teadjaid” asju. Lasta endal märkamatult läbi imbuda kibestumusest, ammutada kogemustest vaid lootusetust ja panna süda sootuks kinni. Sest elu on selline, paneb asjad paika, noortel suu kinni, keerab energiakraanid mõõdukale režiimile ja üllatused – oi, neid ei ole enam ammu leidnud!

Ma tegelikult ei taha hinnanguid anda. No kuidas ma saaksingi? Olla 25 ja rääkida elust on vast kergem, kui sedasama energiat ka 85-lt endas kanda. Aga ausalt – ma olen neid 85-seid näinud! Vähe küll, aga nad on olemas. Mitte ainult elus, vaid üleni elusad, huvitavad, imelikud, uudishimulikud nagu väiksed jänesed. Tunned ennast nendega samas paadis olevana, uus küsimus juba ümber nurga paistmas ja avastamisrõõm silmanurgas helkimas.

Kellel tegelikult on õigeid vastuseid? No mitte ainumalgi kellelgi! Jaaa, mõistan, minus räägib sotsiaalteadlane, mu tuttav insener vajaks vast põhjalikumat diskussiooni, et mu mõttega tegelikult nõustuda, aga elu ei ole siiski ju täppisteadus.

Vahel on parem reegleid mitte teada ja kindlasti ei tasu end ümbritseda valede lugudega. Lood, mis räägivad energiatühjadest asjadest võtavad olemiselt justkui lootust ära. Lood, mille eelduseks on mure ja õnnetus, sätivad ka kõik positiivsed asjad ajutisse valgusse. Kui lamp kustub, jääb alles vaid eeldus, milleks on siis surm, vananemisega kaasnev jäikus, purunenud suhted – või mis iganes muud müüdid, mida kibestunud hinged ja tõekuulutajad tahavad uskuda.

Loome oma kogemused ise. Ise valime, mida endas kanname ja mis eeldusi valime oma kogemuste tõlgendamiseks. Mis need eeldused siis on, mida me elu vaadates ja hinnates kasutame?

Üks keemiaprofessor ütles mulle, et ka metsa läinud katse on alati edukas, sest kui kõigi katsete tulemusi ette teaksid, ei oleks ju mingeid avastusi. Kui läheb metsa, jääb küsimus – miks nii? Ja sealt tulevad teaduslikud ja muud läbimurded.

Oi, jeeprem, kui ma oma 85ndat sünnipäeva pean, siis tahan näha palju rõõmsaid nägusid enda ümber ja rõõmsalt kilgata selle üle, et JÄLLE juhtus midagi naljakat! Ja muidugi palju muid asju enne seda:)

Peaks ikka need kottis dressid selga tõmbama ja parki loivama, homme ju juba uued tuuled.

Sep 19, 2008

Work spiced with passion

Carmen Mikiver and Indrek Taalmaa in "Tunnete tektoonika"

I'm working as a journalist before going away from Estonia, now between news department and culture pages. I love the job!

The most exciting thing about being a journalist is meeting new people and learning their stories.

Actors. Artists. Entrepreneurs. Whoever the story brings.

Also officials, but as they usually tell you what they have to tell you it's not SO exciting, still always educating, learning to distinct people working with their heart from procedure people – and communicating with both.

Training my listening skills to catch important facts and go deeper, learning how to speak with different people so that they would feel comfortable, letting go of internal anxiety over meeting new people so that they could relax around me, being nonjudgmental so that they could trust me.

Doing all of this helps me to grow. I have an enormous amount of respect for the people who are straightforward, simple and passionate for what they do. I pay back with mutual respect. If I meet mediocrity in words and opinions I try to go deeper – if doesn't work I lose my interest as well.

Yesterday I was seeing a great play from Endla theater from Pärnu. Extremely emotional, I was blown away by the feelings the actors were just beaming into the audience, so real. Later sitting in the cafeteria with one of the lead actors and seeing him from a very different angle. Learning how actors see the world, how they go into their role and how they come out of it.

Day before this met with an artist who is making Christian art and is the first one in Saaremaa trying out digital painting. Had a nice discovery over the struggle in art world between traditional techniques vs digital opportunities.

Today made a short news story about some quite dry and official topic, but that required me to go and visit an art gallery. The lady who has been running it for 10 years opened so much more for me than the simple facts about some governmental program. Her passion, the workshop smelling for clay and watercolors, interior with silk scarfs, paintings and glass jewelry – world is such a wonderful place when spiced with real passion, even a taste of it makes your day.

Gotta love what you do, there's always an angle you can choose that matches with who you are and what you really want to get out of your life. Every job can help us to get closer to our personal vision or creating this vision. Just by following our bliss.

Sep 16, 2008

Chapter 67: AIESEC

Yesterday I finished the last part of my 1-year MCP program in AIESEC Estonia.*

So what was the program about?

It was a one year full leadership development training program, where a young, motivated, over enthusiastic maniac like me was given a great organization of 150 young people to lead and manage it.

Amazing, isn't it? A playground to dream about. A truly life changing experience. Besides Maru the most enjoyable and challenging thing I've ever done:)

The rules were simple:

  • You apply

  • You get elected

  • You get a team (in my case 5 girls together with me at national board and 4 girls in national support team)

  • You have 3 local branches called Local Committees

  • You have a budget...for the organization

  • You get enough money for you....to barely survive

And - red-red-yellow-GREEN!!! Let your thoughts wonder to the wilderness, make a plan, follow it through and grow, grow, grow as a person (and - of course - take into account the opinions of all stakeholders in global, national and local level – yes, yes, simple rules with some hooks:)! Some things will work, some won't work – what the hack! Learning happens now and experiences won't repeat themselves.

When I started I was so serious about my work and AIESEC. Sat down with the girls to prepare The Master Plan, made agendas, was looking for this PERFECT solution. But truth is simple, like a poem goes – “There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in”.

And the light got in, actually I was stroke by the lighting itself! Turns out I'm twice as creative, productive and fun as a person when I just let go of the preconceptions and use my IMAGINATION. I caused some pain for my girls with my “whatever happens is the right thing to happen” attitude, but you can't really choose your leader, can you? Hahaa:) Actually we all learned a lot about hitting the balance between procedures and breaking the rules, some did better in first, others in second part, but I must admit – I would work once more with that team - my girls and the rest of the 150 wacky people who played an important role in my experience.

The AIESEC program in my life was bluntly said one hell of an experience! If you have survived all these long meetings, giving practical trainings on things you've never practiced, lets-try-it-out-projects with ideas you just dreamed last night, partying till 6 AM and running a workshop at 9 AM, networking with people you read from a business magazine the other day, improvising speeches for 200 people, spending majority of your social life with aieseccars (!!!) and STILL being the unfortunate 66% of them who don't get married with the other aieseccar - then I can honestly tell: “You are ready for much, Much, MUCH, SO MUCH more!”

So here you have it – I'm in love again, this time not so “weak, overwhelmed and blaa-blaa-blaa”, but just simply hooked by the blue guy stepping out of the logo :)) (I'm a freak, I'm a freak, forgive me – and listen to Radiohead “Creep” several times to associate with me better).

Now I'm the blue girl myself and according to the mission statement ready to change the world. Oh, the world...me likes you SO MUCH! There's more of a horizon to see than I see right now (just maybe, baby, it's in Malaysia:))


* Some wonder why I just finished yesterday though my
term was finished in the end of May. Well, that's the beauty of post-work that is brought to our lives with full colors by the opportunity to write final reports for funds, wiihhaa!

Sep 13, 2008

Living moment

Sunset in Arizona, Sept '08
Photo by James Williams


Who would understand what a heart feels? Who would see besides you? Who would care?

Everyone would just say: “Oh, it's as it has always been!”

And they are million times right and million times wrong.

No life could ever be lived as mine. No life can ever be lived as yours. No one knows what our lives could be than lived together.

And what it all comes down to is the chance – if this or that way. Being unable to control life I'm scared, weak and overwhelmed.

I feel the energy of a power stronger than me, hard to describe, throwing me from one opposite to the other, making my head hurt, my heart beat, making you suddenly so meaningful and special. And leaving me so weak, so vulnerable...

I still open my heart. Stubbornly, smilingly, with a confidence hard to describe, with some kind of power that comes from an internal freedom to be a true human. So dependent on my environment and yet so independent, so free and unpredictable in my ways.

I don't want to live on the other side of the safe barrier, not feeling, not ever knowing what is true love, a true hurt and a true pain. Life.

Exciting. Vibrating. Warm.

A living thing.

Only way to experience it is to be opened for whatever it is giving you. Flowing with it. Knowing that it brings along all the opposites – and that it's part of how the story goes. Accepting my fear and yet keep going.

I rather feel the energy, let it all in and let it flow, would it be then a comfortable feeling or an uncomfortable one.

Letting go of the control is the hardest thing I'm learning these days and it makes me fully realize how much our happiness lies in the community around us. We are unable to carry ourselves, we get tired, bittered, empty. As much as we need to carry others we also need to be carried.

Together with my tough lessons comes an unending gratitude for the people around me, I hope all these people know how special they make my life. Those people who keep giving me their energy and warmness - and keep accepting what I have to give - make my days full of meaning. My friends, my family, random act of kindness, a smile, a sincere word. Strangers. Beloved ones. Coming and going in the right times.

They inspire me to go so much further, to reach others who still haven't been touched and to be able to start seeing behind the horizon.

--

And I really want to thank all the dear people who over flooded me with positive energy a few days ago at my birthday. I didn't even celebrate it, but the whole day was a celebration of friendship and beautiful moments. Dear good people, you are REALLY GOOD, it comes back to you:)