Mar 21, 2007

Let YOU show

I’ve often wondered then sitting in a public transportation and looking people around me – who they are. In a public room people usually try to look as boring as possible and be part of the mass, so they wouldn’t disturb you with their impressions and presence. My political communication professor told us, that in Estonian society there is a very strong public consensus which sounds something like: “Do whatever you want between your homewalls, but don’t come and disturb a normal, decent citizen”. So the public transportation thing might be an Estonian case-sensitive :)

But still there are a lot of people on the streets who seem to be grey and act grey – that in every country - and you never know, what is going on in their heads, do they perhaps feel lonely or maybe have something to share. I’ve felt this urge to break the barrier of silence and create an adventure out of nowhere – just by speaking to a person I don’t know (or know, but don’t have that close relationship to talk about “serious things”).

When IPM was almost over and all the elected presidents were sitting in one circle and sharing their thoughts, a girl started to speak. She used the very last moment to express her true feelings about how she had felt throughout the conference. She was crying and sharing, how lonely she had felt all the time, how she didn’t find anyone to share it with and how the pressure about being the next AIESEC president in her country just kept on growing.

I felt stupid not to have noticed her. I actually did notice her, she was one of the sweetest girls from Asia who I met, but I never saw her loneliness. And after she finished a girl from another country stood up and hugged her and they were standing there a long time, hugging and crying. And I realized that this was another girl who had felt the same way. Probably there were some boys as well, who were just too shy to stand up and join.

Seeing this again affirmed my previous thought, that there is noone, who is part of a mass, it’s just the way it seems to be in the first glance. There are so many stories around me, that go undiscovered, because I - or someone else – simply doesn’t see. And most of the people doesn’t show either, just keep the deepest and most interesting thoughts to themselves. What a waste of connections, that could matter!

I sometimes would just skip the smalltalk and get right to the point. And the point would be to see the person as he/she is. I know it doesn’t sound as a sustainable social tactics and my approach would be in many cases seen as too agressive. Yet this conclusion doesn’t make me the biggest fan of empty talks (when talking about random things serves the holy purpose of having fun – it’s another story:). I better keep on taking the risk of seeming too agressive, when being satisfied with the surface and never truly enjoy the adventures, that each person actually has inside.

I want to understand people and I truly want to see, who they are. I don’t care about masks and I don’t take an advantage of peoples weaknesses. I enjoy life as it is and for me the greatest adventures in the world lie in people.

Mar 3, 2007

IPM over

Prague airport again. Every conference ends in Prague airport and after buying the killing-price coffee I'm free to use internet. For 4 euros (am I the only one who considers this a ridiculous price for a cup of lousy machine-coffee? Or maybe it's my Estonian mindset) I'll be behind the screen till I'm about to miss my flight back home...

What to say about the 3 weeks I spent in this artificial reality, that collapsed after the delegates left the venue in Palmera resort? The picture gives an impression of lazy days in the sun, in reality I hardly had time to sit on the pool-side (though I still have to say that the place was wondeful, the never-been-outside-of-Europe-part of me was stunned).

As this was a conference for me, to get this newly elect ready for the amount of responsibility waiting, I was bound to become a stronger person. There are many moments where you have two fundamental options - to give up or to stretch and grow, that in everyday life, but especially during a conference among determined and focused people. And so you learn through these experiences who you are and how to use your strengths in a authentic way.

Probably some new updates about IPM coming later.

Right now I miss some important people in my life, my LC and my team. But I'm not emotional at all, there's no need to be. My emotions are waiting in a separate box, which I'll open when it's appropriate moment.