Does This Path Have A Heart

"Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you fell you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life.

Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free from fear or ambition.

I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself and yourself alone, one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it.

Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is.

Does this path have a heart?

All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are path going through the bush or into the bush...In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I an not anywhere. My benefactor's question has meaning now. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no se. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life.

One makes you strong; the other weakens you."

Carlos Casteneda, The Teachings of Don Juan

Ode to the Independent, Gorgeous, Amazing, Beautiful SINGLE People

Young, successful, single people, constantly searching for love. From one short or long term relationship to the other, nightclubs, casual flirting in the office, late-night Skype calls and poking, tagging and scrapping in Facebook.

Maybe this game is all they want and there's no search behind it. Only the acceptance that love is spread in the crowd and you need to go from one person to the other to pick up the pieces.

After all -- happiness can't be created by another person, it's already within you.

So all these gorgeous, smart people that could love one another do it from a distance. They meet and make love, may it be through each others beds or just by exchanging positive energy -- a good conversation, hug, a word of appreciation. Love is in the air, they breathe it and live it -- and most of the time go to sleep alone.

From time to time I can't stop wondering if this is the reality that all these gorgeous people wanted to create. Or are they secretly hoping that soon, soon the search comes to an end and their next one-night-stand is really their partner-meant-to-be?

From one casual relationship to the other, in the endless search to find love. Or simply get laid. Or both. Maybe the folks who got married with their first boyfriend and became moms 10 years ago were lucky indeed? Or maybe they too are in the same search, but even more lost? Searching for love in 1 relationship or in 10 relationships is not so different after all...or is it?

So here's for the search for love, for all the lonely ones who are kind of hoping and kind of not caring. Here's for the happiness within and without, the combination is the best of all :) Here's a little for true love and people who know that they will get what they deserve...and a little better:)

So this is how we make ourselves miserable...

I really love listening to Toni Robbins in the mornings. It's like spending your time with people who inspire you and raise your standards by their example -- while doing your make up in your pajamas in the early morning in your bedroom. Pretty cool:)

This morning "we were talking" about emotions (I have to admit -- it was actually more him, I was just exclaiming "YEAH!" every now and then) -- why we need them and how to use them to move forward. There's something that he said that I wanna share with you, it really made sense to me:

When we don't follow our own rules, we don't live by our own values, by our own life standards, then we certainly give ourselves pain as a way to keep ourselves on track.

Toni Robbins

Aha!

I Always Pay Myself First

There's nothing beyond loving yourself. I mean -- raving about yourself, feeling that your body, mind and spirit is the greatest gift you could ever have.

Nobody can give you anything better than you already have, everything else -- no matter how amazing -- is just an additional value.

No critics can ever make you doubt about your own value. No feedback can ever make you feel bad, because it will never change the underlying truth -- you're already amazing. You have a special place, unique talents, the greatest mission of all -- to be you (assuming it's a work in progress:) and do your magic.

It's a true gift that no-one can ever take away. You don't need anything from the world to know that you're absolutely unique and special. Simply said -- you're absolutely amazing!

Being showered by love from others is wonderful, it's a gift -- and that's exactly what it is. It's a gift, something to receive and be grateful for, it's a huge added value to your life, but you don't need this to be happy. Happiness lies inside.

And knowing this there's a new mantra that I'm using and that has changed quite a bit my routines and decisions.

I'm the most important person in my life. If I fail on myself, I've failed on everything else. If I'm not healthy, I'm no good for anything else. If I'm broke, I need others support and I'm not able to live up to my potential. If I'm tired, I can't give much to others. If I don't appreciate myself, I can't accept love from others.

This is the reason why I tell to myself this new mantra every time when I feel tired, unhealthy, short of money:

I always pay myself first.

Whatever is the currency then -- money, time, attention.

I sleep when I'm sleepy even though there's a party going on. I go to the gym even though I'm extremely busy in the office. I save 10% of my incomes every month even though I have debts. I follow through my plans even though there's an temptation or an obstacle on the way.

I pay myself first because without a strong me there's no me for anyone else.

Simple:)

PS: Thanks everyone for all the birthday wishes! I really had an amazing day because of that, feel privileged to know you all!

Guide for Change-the-World-People: Beware, Your Help Might Hurt

I love the helping people. It's great -- especially if your help is needed. But more importantly -- especially if the end result was sincerely helpful for someone else. 

Because there's also a widespread and dangerously popular way of helping other people and the "world" (whatever that means then), which I call helping-myself-to-feel-a-good-person type of help.

Let me explain (and if that offends someone that's unintentional -- but I would really love to hear the reason why).

Every now and then I run into some wonderful projects that are designed to help someone. It could be some warmhearted white lads flying all the way to Africa to give books to schools or some innovative teachers or parents testing out new learning tools on kids that should foster their healthy self image. 

They have a webpage with the mission statement that melts hearts, pictures and sometimes videos of all the action that took place on spot. And I think these people are inspired and deeply touched by their deeds and they feel like having changed the world.

ALARM! Too Many Fake Smiles! 

However when you look closer at the people who received the help you only notice a fake smile and an eyesight that seems to scream "Eeeeeeh, this is awkward, let me get out of here!". The more enthusiastic the helpers get, the more insecure the ones being helped feel.

The help is just not connected with their actual needs, natural thoughts, fears, questions and normal behavior pattern. They don't feel in charge. They're dragged into a process that doesn't correspond to their actual reality. And having no control over the process -- would be kind of rude to interrupt the helper and say: "Hey, lady, this doesn't make any sense, I would do it differently." -- they just float along.

And once the helping act is over, the world hasn't become a better place. It actually might be a slightly darker one, as a bunch of people got reassured about their helplessness and having no impact on their own environment. 

A Better Way

Really, think about it. 

By forcing help on someone you just create an illusion of making a difference. You're mainly helping yourself to feel a better person, to feel as if you're contributing. With this righteous conviction that "I'm doing the right thing, I'm giving to these people exactly what they need" you actually neglect the opportunity that you might be wrong and you disable the ones being helped to voice out their thoughts. You make the help-giving act a one-way-street -- your street.

The best helper can only create an environment where people can feel opened, creative and safe to express their true opinions, to create they're own ways. Helper is as much part of it as the ones who are being helped -- you as a helper are not in a position of knowing the outcome nor even the best process, your role is simply to create and hold the space for meaningful change for those who need help. These processes should never be forced on anyone unless they choose it voluntarily (like I went to T Harv Eker seminar and allowed myself to be guided through a very strict and sometimes weird exercises).

Have you ever seen or experienced some of these illusional fake acts? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

My Most Important Lesson So Far

I used to think that filling our purpose in life is about pursuing a certain purpose -- going after something, finding out something, moving towards something.

Now -- perhaps being under the spell of Tolle -- I realize more and more that all I need is already here. All I have is this moment. No past, no future. There's nothing outside of this moment.

Nothing to pursue. Nothing to be afraid of. No way out of what is. It is here and it is what I have. And it's all I need, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

In a way there's no future, as once I arrive it's already now. So I keep living in this now, which is so narrow and so endless at the same time.

I'm so very grateful to have my now, to fully feel it. I'm still sometimes a prisoner of my memories or my future excitements, I still live somewhere else, not here. But my now keeps expanding, the more I focus on it, the more I feel it.

My strongest NOW experience was after my divorce. I had just became LCP in AIESEC Tartu (a leadership position in student organization AIESEC), I had no income, going to the university. In many ways I was unprepared to live alone with my 2-year old kid, 600 kilometers away from my family, never lived alone before, coming from a Christian community with my 1-man experience.

Yet I was thrilled, being free of all the emotional burden, being free to choose my own way, to fly, to move, to breathe, to laugh. I still start smiling when I think back of these moments, dancing around in the empty apartment with Maru and feeling so incredibly alive and ready to explore.

This time taught me the power of now. I realized that once I start thinking about all the difficulties that I might meet as a single mom I get tired and worn out. So I never did, never asked myself "how we're gonna make it". Because there was no other option but to stay in the moment and live with what is. So there were no difficulties, only the moment. And every moment was great.

You see -- what can be wrong in a moment? When you truly arrive to the moment there's nothing wrong. There's you, your environment, your feeling. You're happy, or perhaps sad, hungry, tired, relaxed, focused, excited. You can be many things -- but none of these things is too overwhelming. You can deal with the moment.

My other experience came when I moved to Malaysia. Just before moving away I started a relationship that turned into 2 amazing months with a great person. I remember lying on bed with him and knowing that I'll be leaving in a couple of days. And yet there was almost no pain, just the joy for what I had. You see -- there were 100 hundred reasons for not to start it in the first place, as I knew already that I'm leaving. Yet I ignored the potential pain, knowing that it's only an illusion -- all I have is here right now and you need to make decisions that matter now.

So I was so fully present in this relationship that nothing did go wrong. I had beautiful 2 months and then was time to move on to a new now.

Now can never let you down. It doesn't even matter what it contains -- everything has a meaning. And when making a decision it should not come out of fear or out of an anticipation of pain -- it's all an illusion.

What you have is here right now. Most of the future scenarios never happen in exact way as you see them in your head. And your memories are selective, they highlight what you choose them to highlight.

There are so many journey's I've started and the best ones have been the ones I've let go of fears of the outcomes.

And there's a truth that is so incredibly simple, yet one of the most powerful things that I've learned: You can always deal with the moment.

Don't attach the burden of the future and past to it -- and the moment becomes enjoyable. You have everything you need to cope with what is.

Life is not a struggle, it's noticing and accepting what is.

PS: One of the most amazing books I've ever read is Eckhart Tolle "The Power Of NOW". Very grateful to have found it, a true guidance on my way.

PPS: Kick me next time I complain...seriously! Slap me good :)

I Love Women

There's something magical about strong women that makes me deeply admire them. I feel inspired every time I come across of a story of a woman who has lived a remarkable life, made career, raised children and most importantly -- speaks words of wisdom.

While I was making research about the best education innovators in the world I came across a lady named Nel Noddings. Chances are you've never heard of her, but just reading her story and ideas gave me goosebumps.

Being a mom of 10 children and married for more than half a century is an overachievement for most of the women. Being a mom can easily become an excuse to cover up so common fears, doubts and self-criticism that most of the women have. "Oh, I didn't have time for all of this, I was raising my kids." Which much too often actually means: "I never dared to dream more."

And then there are women like Nel Noddings who defy the odds, remain chilled, cheerful and relaxed while bringing up their kids and building a marriage -- and also make an outstanding contribution to the world. This article was my sheer moment of inspiration from today.

And even reading her bio from Wiki gave me a boost of energy. What a legacy to leave to the world! I'd love to know your thoughts on her story.

"Nel Noddings worked in many areas of the education system. She spent seventeen years as an elementary and high school mathematics teacher and school administrator, before earning her PhD and beginning work as an academic in the fields of philosophy of education, theory of education and ethics, specifically moral education and ethics of care.

She became a member of the Stanford faculty in 1977, and was the Jacks Professor of Child Education from 1992 until 1998. While at Stanford University she received awards for teaching excellence in 1981, 1982 and 1997, and was the associate dean or acting dean of the School of Education for four years.

After leaving Stanford University, she held positions at Columbia University and Colgate University. She is past president of the Philosophy of Education Society and the John Dewey Society. In 2002-2003 she held the John W. Porter Chair in Urban Education at Eastern Michigan University. She has been Lee L. Jacks Professor of Education, Emerita, at Stanford University since she retired in 1998.

Nel Noddings has 10 children and in 2004 had been married for 54 years. She has described her early educational experiences and her close relationships as key in her development of her philosophical position."

Hey, Superhero, Do Your Magic! (Yes, YOU!)

My self worth is directly connected with my contribution. The less I contribute the less worthy I feel -- and the opposite: the more I'm doing what I can and should do, the more confident and fulfilled I feel.

You're born with a unique set of natural talents -- and you just gotta use it. If at certain point of your life you started to believe that you're actually not good enough to do this or that and started to settle with less -- you're directly harming your self worth.

In order to feel deeply fulfilled you just gotta do the extraordinary -- because you can and you should. You have all it takes to stand out, to inspire, to deliver awesome stuff and to simply take the breathe away from others and yourself. The belief that you're not capable is a lie, that's it.

So if you have one of these days where you feel you're not really happy about yourself -- then maybe you should review your contribution. If your contribution hasn't really created outstanding results you could describe as achievements, then you're not living up to your potential.

Simple -- it's not that you're stupid or that you can't, it's just that you're not doing it. You need to keep contributing every day to be connected with the superior side of your being. The superhero in you wants to shine, it wants to use the magic powers you have -- whatever it is that you've got.

So this one is for doing what we should be doing, no matter what the day brings, no matter what's going on around us, no matter what bad habits we have, what our friends are proposing. Simply doing what you should do today and let the superhero rock'n'roll.

Does that makes the same sense for you as it makes for me or am I just too "out there" this time? Haha, I'm so wired up to do my job today, I'm literally thirsty for success:)

PS: All you superheros out there, hope you receive the positive vibe I'm sending out right now. Your e-mails, Facebook notes and comments are just so much appreciated that you have no idea, thank you so much for keep coming to my blog!

I'm Here and I'm Becoming

Me and Maru have been living in Malaysia for 7 months now. I've never been that far away from my home and I've never been that long time away from home.

Yet, in many ways, the longer I stay away the closer I get -- to myself, my freedom, my dreams and strength, my fears and weaknesses. Also my country.

I'm more independent than ever, I have more clarity and inner strength than ever -- and I'm breaking through the internal barriers that I didn't even know that I had -- small country thinking, my old beliefs, learning to stand up for myself and raise my voice. And I'm facing some new kind of questions that I didn't have before -- what are my true values and beliefs, what is money for me, what is family and community for me...and many others.

I miss Estonia, the people -- my people... the places, the moments at these places. But I also don't really miss anything, I don't desire anything else more than this very moment.

This very moment is so precious and full that I'm hardly able to perceive the moments outside of it. People come and go, places vary, everything is changing. I'm changing and becoming.

Life is so simple, really.

My mind can be my greatest enemy once it starts thinking alternatives to the things that I already know. There are not really many answers I need -- all I need is a dream and this moment to notice how this is getting me to my dream.

I don't need to feel the pain for the unbuilt schools that I'm going to build, the longing for the lover thats coming this weekend, the shame of my incapability of not being able to deliver the same result that I have in my vision.

I'm here right now with what I have and I'm becoming of what I dream to become.

R.I.P MJ

I'm watching Michael Jackson funeral right now over the CNN live.

What's amazing about this event is the interactivity with the audience. Everyone who's watching it over the internet can see the stream of Facebook status updates of other viewers. The result is a live conversation between the readers.

Instead of listening to the journalists giving their non-stop perspective of what's going on you can simply draw conclusions of what this event really means from reading what people are saying about it at this very moment. There's everything -- big emotions (I'm gonna cry all night), good wishes (RIP), memories of MJ, comments on the funeral (wow, I could see the golden coffin from the car window!), regrets (wish I could be there), daydreaming (what if he would jump out of the coffin right now and start beating?? How cool would that be?) etc.

And some people just get very excited about having the chance to actually get involved like this at this event.

It's amazing, really -- bringing together Michael Jackson fan-base like this at his funeral is truly significant. Offline and online get mixed -- welcome future!