What If You Were Someone Else?

What if you're not really any of this what you thought you are? What if you were born to some other parents, in some other country?

What if your mom was a porn star, who would you be then? What if you were a child prodigy in China? What if your parents were famous scientists? What if all your best friends in high school were bimbos?

What if you were born in Siberia? What if you went to the best private college in England? What if you had 15 siblings? What if you never had children? What if you inherited a fortune of 40million dollars at the age of 18?

What if you never went to school? What if you wasn't born into a Christian (or atheist, or buddhist or religiously undefined) family?

Who are you really?

What out of your identity is really just based on your life's circumstances?

How much of your identity is really TRUE - and how much you just started to believe about yourself at some point of time?

The identity is really made of of what you believe yourself to be - and the belief system has been put to place long before you were even consciously aware of this. During the course of life one makes subconscious decisions about what is right and what is wrong, you make silent vow-s to be something, not to do something, never to etc etc. You also inherit some values from somewhere and start living accordingly.

And slowly you start believing that this is who you really are. That you are your beliefs, your values, your secret vows.

That you are what the life has made you, good or bad.

So if you're really not all of what you think we are, then WHO ARE YOU?

Is there anything beyond this mask, this illusion, this acquired identity?

Here I think we really need to go back to the moment of birth to get a glimpse of who we really are. Before any of THIS that we think is true was put in place.

Parents know - there is wisdom beyond explanation in every newborn eyes. They are not born without identity, there is some deeper knowledge already in place.

I say it again - we are not born without identity.

You can call it pure potential. Pure light. Pure love. Pure being.

It's something that is visible for everyone - in the eyes of an infant you can see such peace and wisdom that for a moment you feel almost inferior to this being. And you might even feel (as did I with both of my kids) that you never want to ruin that what is already there with any of your own concepts of what that child should be.

I think we really are so much more than we think we are. 

Deep down there is a deeper knowledge, a complete peace and knowing.

So what if the life as you know it right now is nothing but a dream, just one version of what it could be? What if it will completely change in 1 year, in 5 years? What if you consciously choose to be something else, someone else, to choose a different reality - and perhaps this time a more conscious one? Or perhaps one can never be 100% REAL, maybe all there is is an experiment, a game? That we're on this planet to try on different identities to discover some deeper truths about ourselves?

Whatever it is - the reality as we know it is just one version of it. And if you don't really like it, then why not to choose something else?

"I haven't lived for the past 5 years."

She leaned in over the lunch table, looked me straight in the eyes and whispered in a loud, clear voice:

"Marjam, I haven't lived for the past 5 years."

What?

That was the last thing I had expected to hear from her.

We had just spent the last 20 minutes discussing how exciting our work is. She's a woman who inspires me with her confidence, looks and intelligence. A beautiful, successful woman flying high in the corporate world and rubbing elbows with the most outstanding entrepreneurs in Estonia.

Until I mentioned how much I love the freedom of what my lifestyle gives me - despite the challenges here and there - I'm free. Free to choose whom I work with, to whom I work and what I work on. I can spend the New Years Eve in Florida with a beloved client, journaling and manifesting an awesome year around the campfire, I'm free to take my few possessions and move to Florida for a 2 months creative retreat. I can decide when I work and even take 4-day working weeks if it feels best.

"Wow, Marjam, I've worked so hard for the past 5 years. I've been running every day non-stop - and now when I think about it it feels that I haven't lived."

Despite her high salary she misses out on life. She misses the soul in what she does. The feeling that what you do makes a difference. That you LIVE, not just make money.

Life is so precious. It's worth to stop every once in a while and ask yourself: "Why am I doing what I'm doing?"

And see if the answer does make sense. If it doesn't - time for a radical change.

Experiment: Experiencing the world as a bitter old woman

I saw an old lady today. She had sat herself on the edge of the pavement and looked out of breath. The wrinkles on her face made her look constantly worried and even angry. She looked worn out. Maybe it was this moment only, maybe it was the story of her life.

Somehow you don't see a young person very often who'd be worn out. Most of the young people look happy, excited and motivated. Seems that this juice of life gets lost somewhere along the way. They suddenly lose it - just keep existing and not living anymore.

Looking at that woman I started to wonder what had happened to her. But how could I know? I've never walked in her shoes, I don't know what happened to her that she became hopeless and a little bitter.

An experiment: Experiencing the world how as the old woman

Then I tried something else. I imagined that I'm suddenly inside of her body. I feel what she feels. I see what she sees. I hear what she hears. I feel the pain in her back, the dryness of her skin, the wind on her face. I see the cars driving in front of her eyes and splashing dirty water on her clothes.

And I start thinking different thoughts. About the world. About myself. About life.

Then I switched from her to the middle aged woman who was limping. I imagined how it would feel like to walk so slowly. How would the world look and feel different? What would I think about myself? What would I plan for the future? How would I experience the world?

And suddenly I felt such a deep empathy, such inspiration from all these people living their lives and having their everyday experiences. So different from me. No judgement. Just understanding. Just empathy.

Whenever I feel disconnected from other people, judgmental, misunderstood or confused I can always try the world from their own skin. Such a deep understanding and new perspective becomes available.

To all the good people

What an absolute bliss it is to talk to someone who's shining! Someone who's grateful, powerful, full of the delightful juice of life and shines it out to the world.

After spending some time with one of these sun people - the opportunities suddenly appear and more becomes available. The good and yummy things in my life stand out as bright stars and I feel overflowed with happiness and such tender gratitude that makes my hair stand.

Now doesn't it only make sense to spend more time with people like this? To choose them as your clients, partners, colleagues, friends?

Office Bliss: How Having an Office Can Fuel Success at Work

They say that start ups shouldn't invest into having their own office. There's a popular myth about garages - if you listen to the stories you would think that every huge success started from someones garage.

Well, I've now worked from home (read: cafeterias and other improvised working spaces) for about 4 months I can say something I never believed I would say - I LOVE working from the OFFICE!

We just rented a new space and everyone in the team was so eager to move in that we signed the contract even before having any furniture. I'm now sitting on the office floor on a bunch of pillows and am getting double of the things done when I did when working from my living room couch.

Here's why I LOVE having an office:

• It gives the team a space to work together - you don't have to send out an e-mail for every single question you have, you can simply turn to your neighbor and ask.
• It saves money. They say that having an office is a luxury, I'd say that it's an investment. I spent more money on buying coffee and snacks in all the temporary working spaces I worked, instead I should have paid it for the office space and have a proper lunch every day.
• It puts you in the mindset of work. You go to your kitchen to eat, to your bedroom to sleep (well, most of the times), your living room to chill out - so you're in a different mindset. Office is for working and it's easy for the brain to switch to the right mode.
• As a result - you get more things done. And that's what it's all about.

That mostly applies when you're working in a team who's equally involved in the project.

These 4 months without a shared space cost us a lot more in lost productivity and poor communication than it would have cost on renting an office. I'm all for flexibility and love to have my work in my laptop, but I must say - I LOVE working from an office.

Who's making up your agenda?

A couple of months ago I accepted the invitation to go to Tartu, 2,5 hours ride away from Tallinn. The reason was quite tempting - the University 5 years reunion, a chance to meet up with the guys that we once shared the drinks, notes and compendiums together.

An hour before I was about to take off to Tartu I found myself thinking: "How come that I have time for partying and hanging out with friends, but I don't have time to work on my life vision and review what's REALLY going on underneath?"

Somehow it felt that I have to go to Tartu, that this evening is already planned and that there is no other option.

How often we make our decision unconsciously, without really thinking about what we really want and what's the hidden cost of this decision.

It's like someone else is making our agenda and we just go with the flow.

"Do you want to hang out tonight?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?"

And your Monday night is booked.

It almost feels that you had no choice in the matter, that you just did what was the right thing to do.

It's a very subtle process, it's not obvious that someone else creates your agenda.

It's you who's in charge. You're the one who makes the decisions where and how you spend your time. I love hanging out with my friends and I continue to do so, but if 40% of your time goes on your family, 40% on your business and 20% on your social life then it's wise to make some serious decisions.

And there's really a very simple cure - listen what's really going on inside of you and what are your real needs.

In reality it's YOU who's making the decisions.

So I decided that what I really want is not to go to the reunion and take time for myself. Feeling a little guilty I told to my supportive man that I'm going to take the night off to be by myself (how funny that it's easier to ask for a "permission" to go to a uni reunion than to simply take a break from the family:)?

So I was sitting in Pirita beach, looking at the sunset and letting go of every identity that I have recently taken. I'm not a mother. I'm not a partner. I'm not an entrepreneur.

What I really am deep down is an amazing simplicity, pure clarity, just BEING. I really don't have to be anyone, I don't have to do anything, I already am all these things that I need to be. And some part of me always knows what's the right action to take, where should be my focus and how I should be spending my time.

It's just about taking the time to listen, uninterrupted.